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Important events they our lost loved ones will miss


alwaysdaddysgirl

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alwaysdaddysgirl

I lost my Dad on August 10th 2006 to heart failure, he was only 55 years old, I was 27.

He missed my wedding on 5th May 2007 and my brothers wedding on 1st September and now I am pregnant with his first grandchild who is due April 14th.

All of these important events have been difficult for me and my family.

I've coped best I can through all of them, but I'm not sure how I will be once my child is born knowing that they will never meet their wonderful Grandad.

Has anyone any advice or what did you do in similar situations. I would greatly recieve advice or other peoples expiriences.

alwaysdaddysgirl

MIchelle

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hey alwaysdaddysgirl,

i don't think my reply is going to help you much, but i just wanted to say that i understand how you feel. i think about this ALL the time. my mummy died in July 2007 - she was 55, i was 19. my parents divorced when i was little and i don't see my dad, and i'd already planned that it was my mum who would walk me down the aisle. now there's no-one.

i also can't bear to think that in the future my children will never get to meet their grandma, i can't even think about it without almost crying. my mum is going to miss everything -  my wedding, my children, even my graduation from uni. :(

sorry i don't really have much advice to give you, just wanted to you know i understand how you feel.

minna x

 

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Michelle--knowing that you and i both share the similar experience of having lost our fathers before our weddings...

All I can say is this...regarding your unborn child, and children any of us have in our situations, it is up to us to make sure that his memory lives on.  

Be sure to start new traditions--ones that bring his "presence" into your special activities.  One thing I plan on doing is having an extra stocking up at christmas going forward, this stocking representing my "venue" to talk to Dad at Christmas. All the feelings, all the memories, all the pain, whatever it may be, I plan on putting it in writing and placing it in the stocking. And when my kids are little, I want to encourage them to draw pictures, write letters, just say Hi, whatever--to their grandfather. 

On his birthday, I think I will donate books to the library, my dad loved to read. And when I have kids, it will be done in their honor for their grandfather.

On my parents wedding anniversary, I am going to make SURE to put money aside. The money will be used for a trip for my husband and I--why? Because my dad worked his entire life and rarely took trips just to take care of us.  He sacrificed all for us and our happiness and I am going to toast the happiness that my dad allowed me to have by enriching my marriage with a special treat.

I know it all sounds incredibly hokie, but it is my goal to try to make good out of bad. As hard as it is. I know it is hard and I am so sorry that your dad won't "meet" your child in the flesh. But your child is an act of God and your father is sitting watch it develop even moreso than you could ever imagine.

Take care

Michele

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alwaysdaddysgirl

4froggies

Thank you so much for your kind words and advice. I am definatley going to show pictures of my Daddy to the baby from a very early age and also have a picture of him in the nursery. I have 3 decorations I put on my tree at Christmas in memory of my dear Daddy, a fish (he loved his pond) a special Daddy bourbol and an angel made from glass. I have photos everywhere of him, I like to think he is watching over me and his unborn grandchild, I'm hoping it will have some my Dads traits, whether it be looks or personality,I'm sure I will see something in my baby of my Dad.

It does get easier, you NEVER get over it, you just find ways of coping better and you become stronger, I still have days when I cry all day, and not a day goes by when I don't think about him, but most days you just have to get through!! If that makes sense!? It helps having a place to vent or just put your feelings down, because our loved ones can't fully understand or are grieving themselves, I know my husband loved my Dad and said he was his best mate and I know he misses him, but its not the same as what I feel.

Thanks for listening

alwaysdaddysgirl

Michelle

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dancingirl

I think that is really important to make sure that your kids know who your parents (or any lost loved one) is if they didn't get to know them. I lost my mom at the age of 13 and had a cousin that was I believe only about a year old...maybe younger. I remember my aunt telling me that one day my little cousin was looking at a picture of my mom with her four siblings and my cousin was able to name all of the people in the picture and when she got to my mom she said "I don't know that one". And it kills me to think about it because I know that my mom loved my little cousin so much and to think that my cousin will never get to know my mom and that my mom will never get to know my cousin as she gets older is so hard. On the flip side, when I was about six, I lost my aunt and my family rarely ever talks about her, it has gotten to the point where last year I finally asked my cousin if she would tell me about her mom since I barely knew her and remember nothing about her. I know that for me it will be really important for my kids in the future to know that yes they have a grandmother (my dad has remarried) but they kind of have 2 grandmother's because of my mom. My mother actually lost her father when she was 13 (kind of ironic we were the same age) and my aunts and uncles and my grandma talk about him constantly and although I never knew him, I can tell that so much of my family is like him in so many ways which makes an even small connection and that, I feel like is better than no connection!!

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