Girlfriend lost her mum

[MattyM2803]

Hey,

My name is Matt, I am 26 years old. My now ex-girlfriend is 19 and lost her mum back in May 2011. I suppose I'm writing this because I am distraught with how we both handled this awful situation. We both still love eachother but in the end her anger and bitterness pushed us apart. Our relationship had one blip about February last year that saw us take a break and reflect. We sorted the issues even if they were brought back up again when her mum passed. I should really tell you that her mum died in a tragic car accident, head on, on an A-road. Where the speed limit in England is 60mph. My girlfriends brother was in the car, he is 22, he survived, just. I looked after my girlfriend for 3 months very well. After that time I couldn't do it as much. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I was always there for her after that time, but I had less sympathy. I had a very good idea of how she was feeling as I lost my dad at just 14. I had empathy to an extent. He took his own life. That's another story. I am really upset that we finished and I don't know what is next for us. The real problem we had was her father. He is ex-military. Not a good man. Hit his ex-wife (my girlfriends mum) hit the children, and was nasty. He is there for my girlfriend now but he isn't good for her. Which I have said to her now. Am I wrong in saying this? Me and my girlfriend moved in together in July, a flat. Then after six months we moved back into her mums house. It was weird for me but it helped my girlfriend. I have been to counselling after her father turned up in my doorstep one day and proceeded to have a go at me about money and upsetting my girlfriend. Which in my eyes destroyed my relationship with him and eventually it tore me and my girlfriend apart as I couldn't be around him. She hasn't been to counselling, she is living in her mums house and has openly admitted to use it as a shrine to her mum. Does anybody think I'm in the wrong? I feel I couldn't have done anything different. I'm at a loss what to do for her as we are split. She has anger at me for hating her father.

Any thoughts? And any questions as this is the bare bones of an 8 month period.

Many thanks

Matt

[debbie8800]

Hi Matt: Sorry you and your girlfriend are going through this and sorry for the loss of your girls mum. That must be very hard for her. Was she very close to her mother? I lost my mom 2 months ago and it is very hard.

Her father is another story I don't know him but if he hit her mom that is not good. Counseling may help both of you. Your girlfriend may be in denial, but it is very hard loosing a mother and she is probably not sure where to turn or what to do and this of course will take time.

I would be kind to her right now but maintain your space as well. You not getting on with her dad complicates matters she may feel torn between both of you. Let some time and healing help this situation.

You both are in my thoughts and prayers for healing peace and finding the right path for both of you to follow after this terrible accident.

[MattyM2803]

Thanks for your reply.

They lived together. They had their ups and downs. As all mothers and daughters do. They were, in my eyes, the closest person in eachothers lives.

I think counselling is the next step. I have been to mine. It helped alot. I used friends and family too to help me. My girlfriend doesn't seem too keen on it, but rest assured, if I can guide her into having it, I will. I can see what you say, she is lost, doesn't know what to do.

Matt