today is friday

[debbie8800]

I am kind of isolated in this big house with 2 strangers. They don't say much.... I was crying today, can't seem to get happy. I have to go out tonight and don't feel like it. I am not getting the emotional connection from these two roommates that i need. Anyway, working on getting a passport to visit scotland, got the pics taken yesterday, next week have to go get copies of birth certificate and one other document. I am trying to plan a trip to scotland. Right now i have alot of dental work to get done, trying to see which discount plan is the best. I need crowns and they are expensive.

Finally I think i should have handled things a bit differently and not brought my mom to NJ. I am not beating my self up rather i was so protective of her and when i put her in the hospital they felt she should go to a nursing home and not home. We struggled to they won, but she died over it. I had to feed her 4 times a day at home and they did not understand that she would not eat the food in there. So no matter what anybbody says the truth is, If i had stayed in S. Carolina or even Calif, she would be alive, bedridden but alive.

The social worker at the hospital decided to make an issue out of a few facts even though i am also a social worker. They didn't understand moms deep brain stimulator was the reason she was not that hungry and tried to blame me. By the time the judge knew the truth she was already in the hospital. Then they asked me for bank statements, and see if i used moms money, it was just disgusting after all i did for her including changing her diapers, feeding, and taking her to calif and back. How dare they? but they did try to say moms condition could be from neglect, nothing could be farther from the truth. I kept her in good shape, they had her 4 months and she ended up with mrsa, pneumonia and died.

I cannot get past this yet. Having strange roommates who don't say much is not helping me and makes me want to cry. I will do what momm taught me, "keep telling yourself its only temporary and think about the future.' however she won't be in it and i just want to cry. I am tired of being alone and tired of the roommate scene.

I need to get my dental work completed so i can go to scotland. Does anyone know what kind of medical or dental insurance is offered in Scotland? It can't be worse than here in the US. I would love to go to scotland for about a month and visit london and france too while i am there. My masters degree is online thus making it lonely with no people to interacct with like before. I hopefully will cheer up tommorrow and next week as things move alone toward my plans. Thanks for listening. Have to go see mom in her maosoleum next week sometime, maybe monday after the doctor, both are near each other.

Hope the bloody rain stops tommorrow.