Members veryverysad Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 I'm not coping very well at all.I lost him emotionally when he was aged ten.I went though a long emotional grief process.He returned at 15 and I never felt happier. It only lasted a few months, then he was off again. I recognised the same, intense feeling of that loss all over again. The pain became too much, and to make it easier, I let him go, much to the dismay of my family. They didn't understand. Only *I* had lost him once before, not them. How do you explain that you are grieving for a child that is not even dead?It is now 8 years on, he's 24. At 15, I shut him out of my life, avoided him, acted at though he was no longer here, to stop the pain. Regardless of that, people speak about him, what he's been doing, how he is, or more to the point, how he isn't. He's a drug addict. THat's the first time I've put him in the present tense. I've usually said 'he was', 'he did' etc. What confusion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER ENDING CONFUSION IN MY HEAD.H'es alive ...................but dead. And dead............but alive.Every time he is mentioned, I'm hit with that almighty shock of it all.Why can't I accept he is one or the other?Dead or alive?THe one way relationship with my son is intolerable, but so it is if I were to avoid him.Writing all this may relieve some of my pain. That's my hope anyway.No one should suffer like this, but I guess that's life, eh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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