Members spid77 Posted January 24, 2012 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 Hello-My name is Mike. I'm about forty years old and am a father, husband, and school teacher. I have had three significant losses in past few years...both of my parents, and a very good friend that I was just so, so, extremely close to. We were just both simply the very, very best of friends.. My parents both died from smoking related illnesses...cancer and emphysema. My friend died of a heroin overdose.I've found that I really have no interest in doing anything anymore work related. Work has just become a horrible nitemare. While at work, I find myself constantly thinking about my beautiful wife and two precious little girls. I often have panic attacks, feeling that my life is just racing me by and that I am wasting what time I have left working. It's not really a "I'm depressed" feeling, it's more of a "I just don't believe in any of this anymore" feeling. To make matters worse, I recently came down with nervous system disease. When I was first diagnosed, there was a possibility that I could have had a brain tumor. I was so convinced I was going to die...I just can't describe how awful it was. I was just frozen in fear and sadness. Eventually I found out that my condition was only caused by an infection and that I would recover...which I am doing now.I am about to graduate a master's program with a degree in education, and will be seeking a principal's position shortly. I find myself in class just despising what I'm doing, feeling like I am being marched to my death. I simply just can not stop thinking about how precious our lives are...I am an atheist and of course know that I only live once. My life is more than half way over and the rest will will be over in a blink of an eye. My time is so valuable and the only comfort I get is holding my two girls and being in the company of my wife. The only time I do not fell locked up and frozen is when I am with them. I hate so much that we live in a society where we need to be away from the people we love.I want no part of this society anymore. I want nothing to do with working anymore. I do not care what becomes of me or my family, as long as we are together. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members debbie8800 Posted January 24, 2012 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2012 I know the feeling well. I just lost my mom 9 weeks ago and nothing else really matters sometimes. Be grateful you have your wife and girls. I am by myself now that is hard. I hope you heal and start feeling better soon. Yes death shows us what really matters in life very quickly....Debbie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted January 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Hello-My name is Mike. I'm about forty years old and am a father, husband, and school teacher. I have had three significant losses in past few years...both of my parents, and a very good friend that I was just so, so, extremely close to. We were just both simply the very, very best of friends.. My parents both died from smoking related illnesses...cancer and emphysema. My friend died of a heroin overdose.I've found that I really have no interest in doing anything anymore work related. Work has just become a horrible nitemare. While at work, I find myself constantly thinking about my beautiful wife and two precious little girls. I often have panic attacks, feeling that my life is just racing me by and that I am wasting what time I have left working. It's not really a "I'm depressed" feeling, it's more of a "I just don't believe in any of this anymore" feeling. To make matters worse, I recently came down with nervous system disease. When I was first diagnosed, there was a possibility that I could have had a brain tumor. I was so convinced I was going to die...I just can't describe how awful it was. I was just frozen in fear and sadness. Eventually I found out that my condition was only caused by an infection and that I would recover...which I am doing now.I am about to graduate a master's program with a degree in education, and will be seeking a principal's position shortly. I find myself in class just despising what I'm doing, feeling like I am being marched to my death. I simply just can not stop thinking about how precious our lives are...I am an atheist and of course know that I only live once. My life is more than half way over and the rest will will be over in a blink of an eye. My time is so valuable and the only comfort I get is holding my two girls and being in the company of my wife. The only time I do not fell locked up and frozen is when I am with them. I hate so much that we live in a society where we need to be away from the people we love.I want no part of this society anymore. I want nothing to do with working anymore. I do not care what becomes of me or my family, as long as we are together.Spid77,I know you say you are not depressed, but clearly you are having some type of feeling that is not your normal self. Have you talked to a counselor about how much you hate going to work? Have you talked to your wife? How long have you been teaching? Did you feel this way towards your career before your losses?I am 3/4 of the way through my master's degree in education, too. I work full-time, and I am the mother of four children. I completely understand how much you long to be at home with them. Is is perhaps time for you to take some badly needed time off away from school and the pressures of work? Do you have any leave time acquired? What about a sabatical? Sometimes when we experience profound loss, we become fearful of other losses. Is this the case, wherein you feel worried that your wife and children will leave you too? I really feel like you may want to consider talking to a professional about your feelings. I think it will help you identify, at the very least, why you are feeling like you do. Then you can work on putting together a plan of action to resolve your feelings. We will be here for you,ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members spid77 Posted January 25, 2012 Author Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Thank you so much for your response :0Spid77,I know you say you are not depressed, but clearly you are having some type of feeling that is not your normal self. Have you talked to a counselor about how much you hate going to work? Have you talked to your wife? How long have you been teaching? Did you feel this way towards your career before your losses?I am 3/4 of the way through my master's degree in education, too. I work full-time, and I am the mother of four children. I completely understand how much you long to be at home with them. Is is perhaps time for you to take some badly needed time off away from school and the pressures of work? Do you have any leave time acquired? What about a sabatical? Sometimes when we experience profound loss, we become fearful of other losses. Is this the case, wherein you feel worried that your wife and children will leave you too? I really feel like you may want to consider talking to a professional about your feelings. I think it will help you identify, at the very least, why you are feeling like you do. Then you can work on putting together a plan of action to resolve your feelings. We will be here for you,ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted January 25, 2012 Members Report Share Posted January 25, 2012 Thank you so much for your response :0Spid,You are most welcome. How are you doing today?ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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