Loss of Partner's Father

[lovingfail]

My fiance lost his father when he was 10 years old in a motorcycle accident. We are now 23 and planning a wedding, he is newly graduated from college, and it is strongly weighing on him how the absence of his father most of his life has affected him. He feels as if he is still a scared child, he gets easily frustrated when he is unable to perform a task as well as he wants and he feels had his father been alive then he would have pushed him, and he is so angry but doesn't know who to direct it to because his father died in an accident and it's nobody's fault. He wasn't hit, he took a turn and I think there was loose gravel on the road so he slid. (I am not 100% familiar with the story.)

I want to help him, but I have not lost a parent. We have lost a child to a miscarriage, but that is a very different situation. I want to help, and I have recommended therapy but he does not like to go when he is in his good moods. I don't feel adequate in comforting him and all I am able to do is tell him that it's normal to grieve when the loss hits you, it's not just a one-time when it happens thing.

Can I have some suggestions from some of you who have lost a parent who can tell me what they have had a partner say, or what they would have wanted him or her to say?

[debbie8800]

it would help him to be on this site with us who have lost a parent. You are a different person to some degree and you need more support. it sounds like you have a good sense that he needs more assistance than you can give. Maybe you can get him to come here.

There is also another site called the experienceproject.com that has many many different groups lots of people in teens and early twenties and you can type in what your looking for and that may also help him.

Finally if you can get him to see a counselor it would be beneficial but like you said, most other times he feels ok and doesn't really want to get private help.

I wish both of you luck in getting to a comfortable place. He definetly needs to talk to other individiuals that have been through a similar progress. I like this group and it helps to share and actually chat with other people and hear there stories. One feels so much less alone.

I wish you both luck and if you get married and he has children of his own, maybe that will fill in some of the void but for now try these methods above.