Lost my almost 3 year old grandson one week ago

[momma anne]

I lost my grandson one week ago and I'm so torn apart, there is a big hole where my heart used to be. my son took him to ER because he has asthma and was having trouble breathing, they diagnosed him with pneumonia and sent him home with some meds. His mom took him back to ER 6 hours later and he had strept on top of the pneumonia and asthma and they sent him home again, he died of cardiac arrest from breathing so hard 5 hours later. Why did they not admit him or send him off if they could not care for him, why send him home to "get better" I now find out the hospital was at "full census" well it's my understanding if you are at full census you send out if emergent, is it because of his last name? his insurance? I wish I could switch places with him, I have lived a good life and his parents, aunts need him. To top it off I'm the sole caretaker for my 75 year old mom and I feel such bitterness towards her because she is here and he is gone, she always complained about my daughter (who is 6) and my grandson running and making noise. I feel I need to put her in a nursing home now. How can I help my son and Landon's mommy if I can't help myself? how do I answe my 6 year old daughters question "why can't god fix landon and send him back" how do I take the pain away? and realize I will never see him again? I'm questioning god if there is one which I have to believe if i ever want to see him again. I'm going crazy.......

[Guest msnher]

momma anne - I am SO sorry for the loss of your little grandson!!! There are no answers for the questions you ask. This will never make sense. It is a horrible journey to be thrust into without our consent. Please visit the "loss of an adult child" thread on this forum. It is more active and you will get more responses. There is another grandmother, Leah, who lost her granddaughter in a car accident. She is also the caregiver for her mother. My name is Susannah. I found this site after my 28 yr old daughter, Stephanie, was killed in an ATV accident on 8-9-09. She left behind three young children whom my husband and I are raising. This site, "Loss of an adult child" literally saved my life. It doesn't matter what age your child (or grandchild) was to join the discussion on that thread. There are several whose children were younger.

Again, I'm so sorry! The hell is just beginning. It will get worse before it gets better. But, it will get better. Well, not better, but softer. We have been thrown into a new reality. It will take time to find your footing. The most important thing I can encourage you to do is to join the other thread and talk...talk...talk. And, then, talk some more.

Much love!

Susannah/Stephanies' mom

[billfan9]

Hello, I'm Nina, Ninnie to all my kids! I will keep you in my prayers! I lost my grandaughter Leah 6-5-2010. She was full term perfect but cord was wrapped. Now I have lost my 6 month old grandniece, Addy Mae (whose mother Whitney is like a grandaughter to me) 2-5-2012 to SIDS. I am like you ..so broken hearted!! I know my families only hope is our faith. Addy' Mae's mom(19 years old) says she has to keep smiling because there is no sadness in Heavan so her baby can only see her when she is happy. I take great comfort in that. Leah looks down now on her baby sister Maddie, my 4 month old beautiful grandaughter. My other son and his wife are expecting in April. I have to find a place that keeps me from going crazy worrying for my unborn, and my healthy 4 month old grandaughters. Let us pray that we keep strong and can remember our babies with smiles.