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I miss my little brother so much!


Kapet

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I lost my little brother on September 6, 2011. We still have no answers as to why. We dont know what happened.

Was there an accident? Was he ill? I am so very sorry. Please feel free to post more about your brother as you feel ready. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

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Was there an accident? Was he ill? I am so very sorry. Please feel free to post more about your brother as you feel ready. We will be here for you.

ModKonnie

My brother Steve was in a diving accdent 16 years ago He dove off a dock tht went 40 feet out ito the lake. The water was only 2 1/2 feet deep. He broke his neck and went paralized int eh water and drowned. Friends pulled him he hospital said he ws brain dead. I went into his room and I was alone with him at that time. That day he was suposed to take my oldest son to the park. Anthony (my son), at that time was only 5 years old Steve was in a coma. I stood over him and explained how I was not going to give p on him so he was not to give up on us I also reminded him that he was supposed to take Anthony to the park. I started gettig a little upset. so in a firm voice I demanded him to open his eyes Open them for Anthony! He did He opened his eyes and began trying to talk. I screamed for the nurse and she said it was just a reflex I didnt buy it. So I demanded it again and again he opened his eyes and tried to talk. The nurse again said it was just a reflx. I explained to HER what the next relex she was gonna see was my fist hitting her face,. I told her I know he is in there. Of coarse the tubes made it very hard for him to speak. e was unable to breathe on his own so breathing tubes were in place. We decided to transfer him to a more suitable hospital. On his wa to the elevator he managed to somehow push the breathing tubes out. The paramedics were having a hard time getting them back in because Steve was clenching his eeth and shaking his head NO. hey called for a family member to come calm him down so they could get the tubes back in. I went over and put my hand on his head. He looked up at me so scared not knowing what was going on. I put y hand on the top of his head and explaind that he had an accident and he needed these tubes to breathe He allowed them to put them back in. I looked up and the nurse ws standing there. I just looked at her and said reflex huh? brain dead huh? I told you he wasin there! She just stood thee with her mouth open. He sdid slip back into the coma. But at Hartford Hospital he came out of the coma the following day. He then went to Gaylord hospital for spinal cord injuries for therapy. He wasleft paralized from the lower chest down. At first had issues with short term memory loss but he had no problems with longterm memory. Steve was 8 years younger than me and when he was born I took over as mommys little helper. feedings changings walks and playtime. Over the years we teased our mother telling her that she may have given birth but hes my baby. When he woke from the coma, his first words to me were, Can still be your baby? I cried so hard and told him he will always be my baby! Since his accident he has graduated with his masters and went on to get his bacelors degree.He was going to be a child psycologist. As adults webecame more than just brother and sister, we became frends. I have another brother and a sister but I was never as close to them as I was to Steve. Tim and Sherry were always close and Steve and I were. Steve and I were always together at family gatherings and he ws also very close to my 3 sons. To the point that they were more than uncle tonephews but they were also friends and did alot together. I am the more emothional one out of all my sibings and took alot to heart when they teased or joked around. Steve was always there for me and understood me. We spoke all the time on the phone or I would hang out with him at is house or he would come to my house. On Monday Sept 5th I spoke to him and he was fine. His typical self. Teling me jokes and telling me again how im his favorite sister in the whole wide world. That was something he used to do. He would tell my sister as well but then he would look at me and wink. I was at work when he called me that day and after talking for about 20 minutes I had to wait on someone so I told him I had to go. He said ok just one more thing. I said what. he said I love you, your my favorite sister in the whole wide world. I laughed and said I love to you too Steve but I really gotta go. He said ok but let me just tell you one thing first , I said what? He repeated the same thing again. We both laughed and then we hung up. My son Michael was over hanging out with him that night. Steve fe asleep around 1am so Michael came home about 130am I went to work as usual and I looked at my phone around 930. At 10 I ws on my way outside to take a break and my phone rang. I was thinking damn he beat me again cuz I was just gonna call him. It was my older brother He was calling to give me the bad news. I lost it! I screamed at him accusing him of lying and thats not a funny joke. He came to pick me up and brought me to the house. It was true. My baby broher was gone. Stlll in his room in his bed but gone. I yelled at him to open his eyes like last time and he wouldnt! I am having such a hard time with this. I feel like part of me is still waiting for him to come back. It just doesnt seen real!!

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My brother Steve was in a diving accdent 16 years ago He dove off a dock tht went 40 feet out ito the lake. The water was only 2 1/2 feet deep. He broke his neck and went paralized int eh water and drowned. Friends pulled him he hospital said he ws brain dead. I went into his room and I was alone with him at that time. That day he was suposed to take my oldest son to the park. Anthony (my son), at that time was only 5 years old Steve was in a coma. I stood over him and explained how I was not going to give p on him so he was not to give up on us I also reminded him that he was supposed to take Anthony to the park. I started gettig a little upset. so in a firm voice I demanded him to open his eyes Open them for Anthony! He did He opened his eyes and began trying to talk. I screamed for the nurse and she said it was just a reflex I didnt buy it. So I demanded it again and again he opened his eyes and tried to talk. The nurse again said it was just a reflx. I explained to HER what the next relex she was gonna see was my fist hitting her face,. I told her I know he is in there. Of coarse the tubes made it very hard for him to speak. e was unable to breathe on his own so breathing tubes were in place. We decided to transfer him to a more suitable hospital. On his wa to the elevator he managed to somehow push the breathing tubes out. The paramedics were having a hard time getting them back in because Steve was clenching his eeth and shaking his head NO. hey called for a family member to come calm him down so they could get the tubes back in. I went over and put my hand on his head. He looked up at me so scared not knowing what was going on. I put y hand on the top of his head and explaind that he had an accident and he needed these tubes to breathe He allowed them to put them back in. I looked up and the nurse ws standing there. I just looked at her and said reflex huh? brain dead huh? I told you he wasin there! She just stood thee with her mouth open. He sdid slip back into the coma. But at Hartford Hospital he came out of the coma the following day. He then went to Gaylord hospital for spinal cord injuries for therapy. He wasleft paralized from the lower chest down. At first had issues with short term memory loss but he had no problems with longterm memory. Steve was 8 years younger than me and when he was born I took over as mommys little helper. feedings changings walks and playtime. Over the years we teased our mother telling her that she may have given birth but hes my baby. When he woke from the coma, his first words to me were, Can still be your baby? I cried so hard and told him he will always be my baby! Since his accident he has graduated with his masters and went on to get his bacelors degree.He was going to be a child psycologist. As adults webecame more than just brother and sister, we became frends. I have another brother and a sister but I was never as close to them as I was to Steve. Tim and Sherry were always close and Steve and I were. Steve and I were always together at family gatherings and he ws also very close to my 3 sons. To the point that they were more than uncle tonephews but they were also friends and did alot together. I am the more emothional one out of all my sibings and took alot to heart when they teased or joked around. Steve was always there for me and understood me. We spoke all the time on the phone or I would hang out with him at is house or he would come to my house. On Monday Sept 5th I spoke to him and he was fine. His typical self. Teling me jokes and telling me again how im his favorite sister in the whole wide world. That was something he used to do. He would tell my sister as well but then he would look at me and wink. I was at work when he called me that day and after talking for about 20 minutes I had to wait on someone so I told him I had to go. He said ok just one more thing. I said what. he said I love you, your my favorite sister in the whole wide world. I laughed and said I love to you too Steve but I really gotta go. He said ok but let me just tell you one thing first , I said what? He repeated the same thing again. We both laughed and then we hung up. My son Michael was over hanging out with him that night. Steve fe asleep around 1am so Michael came home about 130am I went to work as usual and I looked at my phone around 930. At 10 I ws on my way outside to take a break and my phone rang. I was thinking damn he beat me again cuz I was just gonna call him. It was my older brother He was calling to give me the bad news. I lost it! I screamed at him accusing him of lying and thats not a funny joke. He came to pick me up and brought me to the house. It was true. My baby broher was gone. Stlll in his room in his bed but gone. I yelled at him to open his eyes like last time and he wouldnt! I am having such a hard time with this. I feel like part of me is still waiting for him to come back. It just doesnt seen real!!

I'm so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I lost my wonderful son on Sept. 27, 2011, he was 28. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you but I know how hard it is for Kevin's 4 siblings. They were all so close. I would love to say it'll get better, but like yourself, this is all so new to me and the pain is still to fresh and raw. I have found that talking to others who understand has helped a bit. Praying for you and your family. Kevin's Mom

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I'm so sorry for your heartbreaking loss. I lost my wonderful son on Sept. 27, 2011, he was 28. I can't imagine how difficult it is for you but I know how hard it is for Kevin's 4 siblings. They were all so close. I would love to say it'll get better, but like yourself, this is all so new to me and the pain is still to fresh and raw. I have found that talking to others who understand has helped a bit. Praying for you and your family. Kevin's Mom

Thank you, and I will keep you and your family in my thoughts as well. It is very raw for us as well. The pain is unbelievable and sometimes im not sure which direction im heading. I see the hurt in my parents as well. Steve was 38. He lived with my parents and they did most of his caregiving. Mostly my dad. Mom has arthritis in her knees and shoulder so she is limited but my dad, He just turned 74 last Thursday and is still strong enough to lift my brother out of bed and into his wheelchair and from the wheelchair into bed. They had the lift instaled when the accident first happened but dad says the only thing its good for is bumping his head on. lol.

Steves passing was so sudden and totally unexpected. I feel lost . On Thanksgiving everyone came to my house. It is usually filled with laughter and joking. This year was very quiet. Every year the day after Thanksgiving we always go out to get our tree. I said this year I didnt feel like it but my oldest son (21) insisted. So I did it for them. The kids and I went out tree hunting. Brought the tree home, got it in the stand. he next day I strung the lights and started putting ornaments on. I bursted into tears and couldnt do it. So my tree which normally has at least one ornament on every branch only had about 30 on the whole tree. Christmas day came and My niece brought her son over. He is my godson and my oldest son is his godfather. Aiden is 4. We exchanged gifts ad they left. My kids open their gifts and I went back to bed. I didnt cook at all. My kids and my husband understood. and for that I am grateful. They let me sleep the day away. I dont go out much anymore. I jus dont feel like it. Some of my friends are upset with me because I dont. But Im just not up to it. I have 3 sons. Anthony is 21, Michael and Joseph are 19. Ive been married 25 years this coming March. I love watching NASCAR and I am a part of Smokey's Racing. My niece drives a race car. She will be 16 in February. She started when she was 14. She gets it from her father who was racing first. But those are my hobbies. NASCAR, Friends, and famly.

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Feeling like Im at the end of my rope. I broke down again this morning. I miss him so much! I just cant handle this. I need him more than he will ever know. Not only my little brother but my best friend! We were always there for eachother and now I feel alone. My days seem empty without his tender voice, witty jokes, and his hugs. I dont know how to let him go. I cant do this!

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Feeling like Im at the end of my rope. I broke down again this morning. I miss him so much! I just cant handle this. I need him more than he will ever know. Not only my little brother but my best friend! We were always there for eachother and now I feel alone. My days seem empty without his tender voice, witty jokes, and his hugs. I dont know how to let him go. I cant do this!

kapet, I know, as well as everyone else here, how your feeling. The loss, hurt, confusion, the questions. The list goes on and on. We miss our loved ones in a way that is impossible to decribe and long for words to explain at times. When we loss someone so close to us, we loss a part of ourselves. You will find a way to go on. As for letting him go, well that's a different thing altogether. You will never let him go. I've been told we come to terms with them not being here and the pain will lessen, I haven't got that far yet and can't see it but I have to go by the wisdom of those that have traveled this path longer then I have. I too, as well as my other kids feel the aloneness of Kevin being gone and it's an overwhelming thing to feel. Keep posting and talking to everyone here because it does take the sting out of being alone. We are all here trying to get by and understand. Here we are not alone. Breaking down is o.k. and it's good for you. I know that sound strange but it does make a difference and there is no shame in it. My kids often call me just to cry and we talk about our pain and usually end up laughing about some silly thing Kevin use to do. We have been given a burden that seems to much to bare but we will get throught it. Prayers and love to you at this most difficult time. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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Thank you. And I hope your doing well. its nice to have someone to talk to that understands...

kapet, I know, as well as everyone else here, how your feeling. The loss, hurt, confusion, the questions. The list goes on and on. We miss our loved ones in a way that is impossible to decribe and long for words to explain at times. When we loss someone so close to us, we loss a part of ourselves. You will find a way to go on. As for letting him go, well that's a different thing altogether. You will never let him go. I've been told we come to terms with them not being here and the pain will lessen, I haven't got that far yet and can't see it but I have to go by the wisdom of those that have traveled this path longer then I have. I too, as well as my other kids feel the aloneness of Kevin being gone and it's an overwhelming thing to feel. Keep posting and talking to everyone here because it does take the sting out of being alone. We are all here trying to get by and understand. Here we are not alone. Breaking down is o.k. and it's good for you. I know that sound strange but it does make a difference and there is no shame in it. My kids often call me just to cry and we talk about our pain and usually end up laughing about some silly thing Kevin use to do. We have been given a burden that seems to much to bare but we will get throught it. Prayers and love to you at this most difficult time. Vivian-Kevin's Mom

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Thank you. And I hope your doing well. its nice to have someone to talk to that understands...

I lost my little brother on September 6th. We also still have no answers. He was in a diving accident 16 years ago but was only paralized. He was 8 years younger than me, so when he was born I took over and became mommys little helper. We grew up teasing my mom telling her that she may have given birth to him but he is my baby. After his diving accident he went into a coma. When he came out of the coma I was standing there. His first words to me when he came out of the coma were, "can I still be your baby?" I cried so hard and told him he will always be my baby. He was paralized from the chest down. Since his accident he has graduated with a degree from college and has began to further his education. His plan was to become a child psycologist. As children I was like a second mother to him as adults we became friends and then best friends. We hung out very often and talked on the phone almost daily. I have and older brother as well and a younger sister. As it seems Sherry and Tim were close, and Steve and I were close. Dont get me wrong. I got along with them as well but it just wasnt the same. Steve and I always had a special connection. I spoke to him on the phone on September 5th. It was the typical conversation we always have. Joking and laughing. I was at work when he called. We spoke for about 25 minutes then I had to go to wait on someone. I told him I had to go and he said ok but I need to tell you something first. I said ok, what? He said I love you, your my favorite sister in the whole wide world. (that was something he always said to me. He would say it to my sister too and then he would turn and wink at me. ) It became our thing. Which one of us was his favorite? lol. Anyway, So I laughed and said I love you too Steve and you know your my favorite brother in the whole wide world too, but I gotta go. He said ok but oh I really need to tell you something seriously. I said ok but make it quick. He said again, your my favorite sister in the whole wide world and I love you! We laughed so hard and told him again I love him too. Then we hung up. My son Michael went over that night to hang out with him. I have 3 sons. Anthony 21, Michael and Joseph 19. (twins) They were all more than Uncle to Nephews as well. They were all friends too. Michael and Steve were hanging out in Steves room watching movies and talking, joking around and so on. Steve fell asleep around 1am so Michael decided to come home. I got up in the morning and went to work as usual. Around 10am I went to go on my break. I walked outside with my phone. Just as I got out the door, my phone rang. It was my older brother Tim. He told me Steve was dead. I yelled at him and accused him of lying and having a horrible sense of humor. He said do you really think I would joke about something like that? I said no. I ran back in and cant remember much that happened while I was there except for what they told me when I returned to work a week later. I fell over while standing at my desk. Unsteady on my feet. My brother picked me up from work and I went to the house. Steve was still in his room in his bed. Police were there and said we could go into his room but not touch him or anything in the room until the coroner came. I decided to stay out because I knew it would be impossible not to touch him. After the coroner left I went into his room. My parents and my brother were on the porch with the door open. I went in by myself and stood there looking at my baby brother. He looked like he was sleeping. I began to cry. I heard what sounded like him trying to take a breath. I started screaming at him to breathe also saying I know your still in there! Just breathe. Apparently I was stamping my feet and screaming so bad that my dad and my brother came running in. My brother said my name and my dad put his hand on my shoulder and I passed out and dropped to the floor. My mother sat on the porch crying when she heard me telling him to wake up. My sons showed up very distraught. Michael in total disbelief because he was just with him and he was fine. An autopsy was done and we still have no answers as to what happened to Steve. I still find myself picking up the phone to call him. I walk into my parents house and sometimes yell out Hey Steve! I hear his voice calling my name and sometimes I think I see him in the shadows. I feel him here with me. Although I havent been able to except his death yet. It just cant be real!!! I need him so much! and miss him terribly! I havent gone one day without crying yet and I dont know if I ever will. Even though I am the second oldest out of the four of us, they always treat me like Im the baby. Ive always been the more sensative one out of us kids. And when it comes to death it gets even worse. And with Steve its just unbearable!!! I feel like I will never get over this loss and go back to being me. I miss being me. I used to have fun and like to go out with my friends and do things. But now, I feel I have no energy. He was in a wheelchair for 16 years. I keep telling myself, but hes walking now. It doesnt make me feel better. Thanksgiving everyone came to my house. It was very quiet all day. I remember thinking, I want the ramps back in my front doorway to trip over, I want my livingroom carpet crumpled up under his wheels, I want the laughter and joking being heard through the house while Im cooking in the kitchen. I want my Steve here! Christmas wass even worse. I woke up had my coffee and began to cry. My 4 year old godson came over that morning so we could give him his gifts. My son Anthony is his godfather. We exchanged gifts with him and his mother. When they left my kids opened their gifts. While they were sitting there in the livingroom talking about the things they got I asked if they would mind if I went to lay down. They knew I was upset so they said go ahead. I slept the whole day. I never cooked anything or even woke up until 1130 that night. I apologized to my family and they all hugged me and said it was ok they understood. My husband tries so hard to console me and tells me to let it out when I need to. I find myself these days spending alot of time in my basement because I dont want to upset my kids by crying constantly, so I hide. or I try to keep it in.

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