When will the pain lessen

[Conniewhite33]

My name is connie. My childs name was shawn. He was an amazing 19 year old son.In December 2008 he,was diagnoaed with a,rare very aggressive cancer that took him from us in,april 2009. The pain is,still extreme. We miss him so much. when does it ever get better. My life is so very hard without my baby boy. Any hopeful comments would be appreciated as I feel very hopeless at this time. Thanks

[hotrod]

Dear Connie

Welcome to this very safe understanding place. Your loss of Shawn is still new and the pain very deep I and many other parents here understand as few others .

I am so very sorry to hear of the terrible loss of your precious son, Shawn.

I agree It is a difficul road that we parents, who have experienced the loss of a child must walk. Together we can get thru one day, one moment at a time.

Come here often, post and know you are not alone. I also found that setting up a Photo album in the Gallery Section of this Board helped to lift my sadness and give mee a warm smile at the sweet memories. I viait the gallery daily.

Many parents post to the Loss of Adult Child section of this Board. If you would like more and to be connected into the main stream--- Just click on that sectiona then click on the "Reply" section and post your heart. Many will hear you and respond.

I lost my only child, my son Stephen over 4 years ago and this Board has helped bring back my sanity.

Please keep coming back

[Conniewhite33]

Thank you for understanding I have had mostly judgement for the way I feel.I joined another websight for grieving parents,and was told I just need to learn to be grateful. How can I be gratefull that my baby boy is gone. My family also wants me to just move on. I feel I should not have feelings, but I do have many . They make me feel hopeless that I have to hide my feelings, and pretendvthat as ll is ok. Thanks for listening.

[hokie]

Thank you for understanding I have had mostly judgement for the way I feel.I joined another websight for grieving parents,and was told I just need to learn to be grateful. How can I be gratefull that my baby boy is gone. My family also wants me to just move on. I feel I should not have feelings, but I do have many . They make me feel hopeless that I have to hide my feelings, and pretendvthat as ll is ok. Thanks for listening.

my son died 4 years ago and I still cry everyday, I dont think the pain is suposed to go away, but its not as intense

[cmiller]

People who think we parents who have lost our child should just move on, should be SLAPPED in the face, more than once. Then when they get mad and want to know why we slapped them and how dare us, we should just tell them to get over it, after we slap them again.

There is no way to just move on and forget our children. It's nonsense and stupidity on others who can even dare to think that. Believe me, they won't forget or let go if I were to cut them with a machete. I doubt very seriously they would just forget and move on. They would react. They would shiver at the very sight of any kind of big knife and be afraid. You know why, because that first cut hurt like hell.

So for someone to say, just move on after you have lost a child. They have no heart and they have no idea what true loss or pain is. Those people need a good slap in the face, and I'm being very kind when I say that.

I'm still shedding tears everyday over the loss of my son and will still be shedding tears 30 years from now if I live that long. It may lessen to every other day, but each time I think of him, I relive those brutal days in the hospital. That's imprinted in my heart and mind and that will never just go away or simply move on out of my head. I think it's normal to continue to feel pain and think it does us more harm to try and ignore it for it to just blow up in our face. It's there to stay, in my opinion.

If I were to just jump up and down for joy that my son was gone, I'm sure he'd be wondering if I ever loved him in the first place. Pain, tears, heart wrenching aches is a pretty normal response to me after losing a child. It may eventually lessen after years and years, but if I were to measure the amount it would lessen, it would probably lessen about an inch in 10 years.

Sorry, just ramblin.

[Jeff's Mom]

I feel that we become very, very touchy about other people's comments. Granted a lot of these comments can be stupid! However, they are for the most part not meant to be unkind. They simply do not understand the true meaning of losing someone so very special. I try to smile and turn it on them. It is them that I feel sorry for.

I have said to myself at times that I needed to move on and actually meant that I needed to move forward with my life. My son would not want nor expect me to spend my days sitting and agonizing about him for years on end. He would truly want my husband and myself to live our lives as best as we can enjoying whatever we are able. I have had to work very hard at staying as positive as possible. It would be easy to sink into anger and bitterness if I allowed it. My son was such a positive person...although he suffered from depression. He hid it so well. He hated sadness and would be the first to say to me to use my time in a positive way. I have decided to press forward, but I am taking him along with me. His memory lives on in everything I do. He is in every breathe I take. And so I am indeed plugging along. Moving along...whatever the term. Getting on with my life is what it is really about. We all have our own way of coping in this. This is mine. It in no way diminishes my love for him. He is and will always remain my son. But the sad truth is that he is dead. And he is not coming back. Not in my lifetime. I will see him again when the time is right. We had a wonderful relationship with no regrets. He left us knowing we loved him and he us. I know he would not only want it but would insist that we kept going.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I feel that we become very, very touchy about other people's comments. Granted a lot of these comments can be stupid! However, they are for the most part not meant to be unkind. They simply do not understand the true meaning of losing someone so very special. I try to smile and turn it on them. It is them that I feel sorry for.

I have said to myself at times that I needed to move on and actually meant that I needed to move forward with my life. My son would not want nor expect me to spend my days sitting and agonizing about him for years on end. He would truly want my husband and myself to live our lives as best as we can enjoying whatever we are able. I have had to work very hard at staying as positive as possible. It would be easy to sink into anger and bitterness if I allowed it. My son was such a positive person...although he suffered from depression. He hid it so well. He hated sadness and would be the first to say to me to use my time in a positive way. I have decided to press forward, but I am taking him along with me. His memory lives on in everything I do. He is in every breathe I take. And so I am indeed plugging along. Moving along...whatever the term. Getting on with my life is what it is really about. We all have our own way of coping in this. This is mine. It in no way diminishes my love for him. He is and will always remain my son. But the sad truth is that he is dead. And he is not coming back. Not in my lifetime. I will see him again when the time is right. We had a wonderful relationship with no regrets. He left us knowing we loved him and he us. I know he would not only want it but would insist that we kept going.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I feel that we become very, very touchy about other people's comments. Granted a lot of these comments can be stupid! However, they are for the most part not meant to be unkind. They simply do not understand the true meaning of losing someone so very special. I try to smile and turn it on them. It is them that I feel sorry for.

I have said to myself at times that I needed to move on and actually meant that I needed to move forward with my life. My son would not want nor expect me to spend my days sitting and agonizing about him for years on end. He would truly want my husband and myself to live our lives as best as we can enjoying whatever we are able. I have had to work very hard at staying as positive as possible. It would be easy to sink into anger and bitterness if I allowed it. My son was such a positive person...although he suffered from depression. He hid it so well. He hated sadness and would be the first to say to me to use my time in a positive way. I have decided to press forward, but I am taking him along with me. His memory lives on in everything I do. He is in every breathe I take. And so I am indeed plugging along. Moving along...whatever the term. Getting on with my life is what it is really about. We all have our own way of coping in this. This is mine. It in no way diminishes my love for him. He is and will always remain my son. But the sad truth is that he is dead. And he is not coming back. Not in my lifetime. I will see him again when the time is right. We had a wonderful relationship with no regrets. He left us knowing we loved him and he us. I know he would not only want it but would insist that we kept going.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I feel that we become very, very touchy about other people's comments. Granted a lot of these comments can be stupid! However, they are for the most part not meant to be unkind. They simply do not understand the true meaning of losing someone so very special. I try to smile and turn it on them. It is them that I feel sorry for.

I have said to myself at times that I needed to move on and actually meant that I needed to move forward with my life. My son would not want nor expect me to spend my days sitting and agonizing about him for years on end. He would truly want my husband and myself to live our lives as best as we can enjoying whatever we are able. I have had to work very hard at staying as positive as possible. It would be easy to sink into anger and bitterness if I allowed it. My son was such a positive person...although he suffered from depression. He hid it so well. He hated sadness and would be the first to say to me to use my time in a positive way. I have decided to press forward, but I am taking him along with me. His memory lives on in everything I do. He is in every breathe I take. And so I am indeed plugging along. Moving along...whatever the term. Getting on with my life is what it is really about. We all have our own way of coping in this. This is mine. It in no way diminishes my love for him. He is and will always remain my son. But the sad truth is that he is dead. And he is not coming back. Not in my lifetime. I will see him again when the time is right. We had a wonderful relationship with no regrets. He left us knowing we loved him and he us. I know he would not only want it but would insist that we kept going.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I feel that we become very, very touchy about other people's comments. Granted a lot of these comments can be stupid! However, they are for the most part not meant to be unkind. They simply do not understand the true meaning of losing someone so very special. I try to smile and turn it on them. It is them that I feel sorry for.

I have said to myself at times that I needed to move on and actually meant that I needed to move forward with my life. My son would not want nor expect me to spend my days sitting and agonizing about him for years on end. He would truly want my husband and myself to live our lives as best as we can enjoying whatever we are able. I have had to work very hard at staying as positive as possible. It would be easy to sink into anger and bitterness if I allowed it. My son was such a positive person...although he suffered from depression. He hid it so well. He hated sadness and would be the first to say to me to use my time in a positive way. I have decided to press forward, but I am taking him along with me. His memory lives on in everything I do. He is in every breathe I take. And so I am indeed plugging along. Moving along...whatever the term. Getting on with my life is what it is really about. We all have our own way of coping in this. This is mine. It in no way diminishes my love for him. He is and will always remain my son. But the sad truth is that he is dead. And he is not coming back. Not in my lifetime. I will see him again when the time is right. We had a wonderful relationship with no regrets. He left us knowing we loved him and he us. I know he would not only want it but would insist that we kept going.

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Kate

You really touched me with what you said. I lost my son about a month before you lost yours Your son sounds like my Rob My son was all about having fun and he laughed alot . He always said that if anything ever happened to him that he would not want people to sit around crying He would want me to go on If i would have died Rob would have missed me alot but he would go on My daughter and I were at a memorial outside last year and it was freezing We said if this was my memorial Rob would have said to my daughter "Lets Go It is to Freakin cold I am not staying" My daughter would have said " No you are staying" You are a jerk" Rob would have replied" Mom knows I love her I don't have to stay here to prove it'" Its too cold I am leaving " That was Rob I am going to try to go on and make him proud I do gets so upset because he died from an accidental drg overdose The missing himpart is the hardest I feel like what a senseles death Maybe i could try going to schools and talk about Rob and drugs and save a child .l did see Rob on the ceiling . My daughter was with me He was a perfect shadow on the ceiling just like an Olan Mills Photo I know that he s OK I just wish I was! I am trying

Robs MOM

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Kate

You really touched me with what you said. I lost my son about a month before you lost yours Your son sounds like my Rob My son was all about having fun and he laughed alot . He always said that if anything ever happened to him that he would not want people to sit around crying He would want me to go on If i would have died Rob would have missed me alot but he would go on My daughter and I were at a memorial outside last year and it was freezing We said if this was my memorial Rob would have said to my daughter "Lets Go It is to Freakin cold I am not staying" My daughter would have said " No you are staying" You are a jerk" Rob would have replied" Mom knows I love her I don't have to stay here to prove it'" Its too cold I am leaving " That was Rob I am going to try to go on and make him proud I do gets so upset because he died from an accidental drg overdose The missing himpart is the hardest I feel like what a senseles death Maybe i could try going to schools and talk about Rob and drugs and save a child .l did see Rob on the ceiling . My daughter was with me He was a perfect shadow on the ceiling just like an Olan Mills Photo I know that he s OK I just wish I was! I am trying

Robs MOM

[Jeff's Mom]

Kate

You really touched me with what you said. I lost my son about a month before you lost yours Your son sounds like my Rob My son was all about having fun and he laughed alot . He always said that if anything ever happened to him that he would not want people to sit around crying He would want me to go on If i would have died Rob would have missed me alot but he would go on My daughter and I were at a memorial outside last year and it was freezing We said if this was my memorial Rob would have said to my daughter "Lets Go It is to Freakin cold I am not staying" My daughter would have said " No you are staying" You are a jerk" Rob would have replied" Mom knows I love her I don't have to stay here to prove it'" Its too cold I am leaving " That was Rob I am going to try to go on and make him proud I do gets so upset because he died from an accidental drg overdose The missing himpart is the hardest I feel like what a senseles death Maybe i could try going to schools and talk about Rob and drugs and save a child .l did see Rob on the ceiling . My daughter was with me He was a perfect shadow on the ceiling just like an Olan Mills Photo I know that he s OK I just wish I was! I am trying

Robs MOM

Thanks, I loved your post. You are so right about our boys! Jeff would have said the same thing verbatum! And btw...I found some pretty funny stuff while cleaning out his room. What the heck...I said to myself. A beer bong!!!! When I first saw it I wondered if it was for his car. Some pretty serious beer drinking with that thing. Probably wearing his Vikes helmet with horns at the time. Back to his late teens and early twenties I am guessing. Drinking is allowed in Canada at eighteen. Too early if you ask me. Signs tucked behind our freezer. A yield sign and no parking sign off of the street. These kids knew how to have fun. Raging hormones and all.

Your idea to speak openly is a great idea! I have wondered about the same thing speaking to schools about depression and suicide. Not all kids curl up in a ball and are openly sad. They hide the symptoms very well. The signs are there for all of us if we open our eyes.

Addictions are another huge problem today with our youth. They are not bad kids. Not at all!!!! They just lost their way and need help to find their way back. Everyone deserves another chance. At least that is my thought.

Stay strong...remain as positive and you can...and find forgiveness in your heart. It makes it easier to push forward if you are not carrying anger along with you. It can weight you down significantly.

Talk soon.

Kate

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Thanks, I loved your post. You are so right about our boys! Jeff would have said the same thing verbatum! And btw...I found some pretty funny stuff while cleaning out his room. What the heck...I said to myself. A beer bong!!!! When I first saw it I wondered if it was for his car. Some pretty serious beer drinking with that thing. Probably wearing his Vikes helmet with horns at the time. Back to his late teens and early twenties I am guessing. Drinking is allowed in Canada at eighteen. Too early if you ask me. Signs tucked behind our freezer. A yield sign and no parking sign off of the street. These kids knew how to have fun. Raging hormones and all.

Your idea to speak openly is a great idea! I have wondered about the same thing speaking to schools about depression and suicide. Not all kids curl up in a ball and are openly sad. They hide the symptoms very well. The signs are there for all of us if we open our eyes.

Addictions are another huge problem today with our youth. They are not bad kids. Not at all!!!! They just lost their way and need help to find their way back. Everyone deserves another chance. At least that is my thought.

Stay strong...remain as positive and you can...and find forgiveness in your heart. It makes it easier to push forward if you are not carrying anger along with you. It can weight you down significantly.

Talk soon.

Kate

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Thanks, I loved your post. You are so right about our boys! Jeff would have said the same thing verbatum! And btw...I found some pretty funny stuff while cleaning out his room. What the heck...I said to myself. A beer bong!!!! When I first saw it I wondered if it was for his car. Some pretty serious beer drinking with that thing. Probably wearing his Vikes helmet with horns at the time. Back to his late teens and early twenties I am guessing. Drinking is allowed in Canada at eighteen. Too early if you ask me. Signs tucked behind our freezer. A yield sign and no parking sign off of the street. These kids knew how to have fun. Raging hormones and all.

Your idea to speak openly is a great idea! I have wondered about the same thing speaking to schools about depression and suicide. Not all kids curl up in a ball and are openly sad. They hide the symptoms very well. The signs are there for all of us if we open our eyes.

Addictions are another huge problem today with our youth. They are not bad kids. Not at all!!!! They just lost their way and need help to find their way back. Everyone deserves another chance. At least that is my thought.

Stay strong...remain as positive and you can...and find forgiveness in your heart. It makes it easier to push forward if you are not carrying anger along with you. It can weight you down significantly.

Talk soon.

Kate

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

Kate

How old was your son when he died ?Did youl ose him to suicide? My sisterinlaw jst lost her nephew a few months ago to suicide

What doe the initials yo wrote BTW mean?

Robs Mom

[Jeff's Mom]

Yes, our son left us suddenly and without warning.

I am so very grateful to these great people on this forum that have been such a strong support in my times of sadness. They are my lifeline and I am grateful to each and every one of them. We have all arrived here in so many different ways. Bottom line...we have lost our precious kids and this is one place where we will sometimes rant and rave...get cranky as hell... step on toes periodically...but they do get it! They understand. Just as I sure feel their hurt.

BTW...means "By the way".