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I'm having a hard time dealing with my Mum's passing...


lizzyrascal

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My mum was 54 when she was diagnosed with a grade IV glioblastoma multiforme. I was near the end of my last exams in my last year of studying for my a levels at college, and many thought i'd drop out, but i turned up every day and got the results for university. Im now in my second year at Lincoln studying sport and exercise science, but my Mum isn't here to see me. She passed away half way through my first year...10 months ago...At first I dealt incredibly well with it, you wouldnt have been able to tell what had happened. But when it got to the summer, that's when the grief kicked in, i was crying every day. When i got back to uni for my second year, I started seeing a counsellor who did an amazing job and got me back on track. I've just done my first christmas without her, and although my dad did an amazing job at trying to make it a good one, it obviously wasnt the same. I miss her so much, and I think about everything i did that made her feel worthless, all the times i could have told her i loved her, and i didnt. There's one memory that will stay with me forever: it was the day before she passed away, she couldnt move, she couldnt open her eyes, and i stood by her bed in my living room, held her hand and told her i loved her. I asked her to squeeze my hand if she could hear me (with very little faith that she could). But then she squeezed it, and that was the best moment of my life. I had the chance to tell her i loved her, and that she was the best mum in the world before she passed. I dont like saying she's 'dead' or that she 'died', because she's just passed into another world thats all, she hasnt left, and i hope that shes in a place where pain and unhappiness are unheard of. I like to think she's watching over me every day, because im trying so hard to make her proud. and i think about her all the time. I hope she realises how much i love and miss her. I know im not over it yet, and i never will, but for those who are coping with a parent being diagnosed, or the grief of them passing, well keep smiling. it did me the world of good, and ive got very far. and they'd be so happy to see you smiling. smile for them.

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Lizzyrascal:

How fortunate you were that your mom heard you tell her that you loved her. I'm sure you saying that brought her great comfort. And don't worry, your mom is watching over you and always will be.

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Jayhawkdaughter

I am a woman with grandchildren in junior high, so I am not a youngster, but I share your grief. My dear mother died in August 2010 at the age of 81, and I miss her every day. I was alone with her when she died; it happened so quickly none of my brothers and sisters could be there. But, like you, one of the dearest moments of my life was when, very near the end, I told her I loved her, and she said "I love you, too, honey." Those were the last words she said, and I cherish that last thought we shared with each other.

Does it get easier as time goes by? Yes and no. The pain is not overwhelming now, but it never leaves, and there are days it is as sharp as the first day. But those days are further apart. Now, I understand why my mother's tears would come when she spoke of her mother nearly 30 years after my grandmother's death. I assumed it was because she was remembering what a sweet person my grandmother had been. Now, I understand fully that my mother was still grieving for her mother, after 30 years. So, I don't think this feeling of loneliness and wanting our mothers back will ever leave us.

But, what would our mothers want for us? To waste precious days of our precious lives overcome by grief or to live our lives fully with laughter and love? I know what my mother would tell me, and I get up everyday and try to make it the best day I can, because that's what my mother would want me to do. I can't bring her back, but I can honor her memory by making her as proud of me as I always was of her.

There is one poem that has helped me more than any other; it's "A Parable of Immortality" by Henry Van Dyke. Here's a link: http://www.flickr.co...N03/4333181334/

That poem helps me remember that this separation is one of perception . . .

Keep telling your mom you love her; I know she can hear you, and I know she answers you every time you think of her.

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