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Trying to put the pieces back together


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I have to say for some reason when a parent is gone you feel alone and scared. You are not padded anymore, nothing seems funny. My point is I explained before how i am staying with a friend so her son comes back monday and i have 3 days to find a place to live in NJ. Some of the people here are a bit rough around the edges. I was 7 years in florida and 5 in calif. I have a feeling later i will go back out west, its more free, but i search and search and need to find inner peace.

So I have things packed and have no idea where i am going yet. I have 3 days till her son comes back. I bought a car 2 weeks ago and we are still waiting on the approval from the bank. oh my goodness. My online masters degree program starts in 5 days and i still have to order my books.

Please pray for me that everything falls into place. I am completly alone. A few cousins here and there but everybody does there own thing. I still cry a couple of times a day about mom. She was in a senior building and i was out in calif so now i am confused about where i belong and where i should settle. I left Calif to be back here for mom but now i am starting to hate it here. Mom was british so i feel abandoned by her. Jersey has changed, everything has changed, I miss my mothers scottish accent. It was so friendly and she was always delightful. What a hard thing. I am starting to cry.

Praying something becomes available so i can get settled. Lord have mercy. I don't want to get my own place right now i am afraid to live alone and the rent and security is high here so i take the risk in living with people and some of them are not very nice.

Thank you for listening and I pray for peace, light and happiness for all of us in here. Namaste


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