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Just want to run away...


SadRN

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Does anyone else feel like just running away? My father died in April, and Christmas came and went and things are ok. But lately I've been having vivid dreams and feeling an urge to get away from it all. His estate is set to close this week (we are now 3 months later than expected) and my mom is acting very strange. Her ability to manipulate me and hurt me is getting old. I love her, but a little distance might be nice. I've always wanted to pack up and just do something different with my life. And don't get me wrong- I have a beautiful home, a good career, a lovely son and husband. But what about all those people that just decide one day to move somewhere exotic and make a major change? Why can't that be me? I've lived in the same little town all my life. It's a nice little town. But I keep hearing things in my head like, "go live your life", and "do things now", and my father's death at 63 made me realize that now is the time to live my dreams. So why not pack up and move to the beach? Or Alaska? This is really random, and maybe it is just me wanted to escape all of the difficult feelings and conversations.

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I can SOOOOO relate to what you said and I am actually contemplating doing just that. We shall see what the next few months bring. Best wishes to you and I hope this journey brings you peace.

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SadRN,

Why do you want to move away really? Do you think that you will feel different about the loss of your dear dad? Or do you just want to start over with a clean slate as far as your own life goes? Would this include your husband and your son?

I can relate to you so much with several things. I feel also that my mother has a strange hold on me and is very manipulative in her own way. I also think some distance would be nice. I don't have my dad either and that makes me sad but having a loving husband and a beautiful daughter makes things soo much better. I love them so much. In fact, we are also planning on leaving and starting over. We're not running away from anything, on the contrary, we are looking to go preach God's Word in remote areas of Bolivia. We have done so much research about the country, our expenses, immigration statuses, healthcare, schools (even though I plan to homeschool), and so many other aspects. We are looking to visit first for about a month or two just to see if that is really what we are prepared for. Then we would decide to make take the plunge. We have been reading an interesting article about moving to a foreign country, I can forward it if you'd like.

On the other hand, are you sure that this is not just a phase of your grieving? Talking about it would make you realize what your real motives are. Keep in mind that there is also One that knows you and your circumstances better than even yourself, keep God in your mind and pray to Him for guidance.

Ada

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yes i run away a bit too much, it helps in some way but sometimes makes things worse or more complicated. I hope your new surroundings fulfill your needs. The void is within us and i guess going somewhere else helps for a while.

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Ada, I appreciate your input! I guess it feels like running away on one hand, and just starting over on the other. (it would be with my husband and son and 2 dogs) We have talked about moving for quite some time. So why not now. And I have considered that maybe this is just a phase of my grieving, so I am taking some time to mull it over and pray about it. There are so many little things here that consume me that I feel I could get away from. I know there would be other stressors and challenges somewhere else, but they would be different. Maybe better, maybe worse, maybe just the same. I feel very unhealthy in our current situation. My husband has a job that requires a lot of travel and he never has time (or makes time) to go for regular doctor check ups, etc. I exercise some and cook a lot, but I also catch myself in that winter rut where I am on the couch in my robe with the tv on. I like what I am doing now as far as my career, but there are some opportunities that I think I would love in a different direction. I think I would miss my friends most, and I would miss my mom even though a lot of my stress revolves around our relationship. I love her. But she also breaks my heart fairly regularly. I have prayed about it some. And I need to pray about it a lot more. But I keep hearing these motivational quotes in my head (make a change, live your life, make some waves, explore) and think, why not? I have had some very wonderful things happen throughout my life, but I have lived in the same place and always thought I would move. I know that I allow myself to be overrun by some of these anxieties in my life, and I have sought counseling in the past (from a pastor), but the things that hurt most are here, and will always be here. And moving won't get rid of them entirely, but it will provide some level of separation. My husband moved away from his family when he was 17 (college) and never looked back. He visits on occasion and loves them, but the level of dysfunction was tremendous and overwhelming for him. And he has done well. And now I am feeling that need. I am an only child, and some day I will need to take more care of my mother. But not now. She is healthy and active. Who knows. I have done some mission work in the past and hope to be able to do some more in the future when my son is older. Volunteering at a local free clinic in my community has been very helpful for me in the past 9 months. I guess I feel some sort of pull and can't explain it. Thanks, everyone, for the responses!

SadRN,

Why do you want to move away really? Do you think that you will feel different about the loss of your dear dad? Or do you just want to start over with a clean slate as far as your own life goes? Would this include your husband and your son?

I can relate to you so much with several things. I feel also that my mother has a strange hold on me and is very manipulative in her own way. I also think some distance would be nice. I don't have my dad either and that makes me sad but having a loving husband and a beautiful daughter makes things soo much better. I love them so much. In fact, we are also planning on leaving and starting over. We're not running away from anything, on the contrary, we are looking to go preach God's Word in remote areas of Bolivia. We have done so much research about the country, our expenses, immigration statuses, healthcare, schools (even though I plan to homeschool), and so many other aspects. We are looking to visit first for about a month or two just to see if that is really what we are prepared for. Then we would decide to make take the plunge. We have been reading an interesting article about moving to a foreign country, I can forward it if you'd like.

On the other hand, are you sure that this is not just a phase of your grieving? Talking about it would make you realize what your real motives are. Keep in mind that there is also One that knows you and your circumstances better than even yourself, keep God in your mind and pray to Him for guidance.

Ada

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I feel the same I feel like packing a bag and just hopping on a plane. I just relocated to Seattle from Indiana in july and brought my momma with me. She past away 5 weeks from a long battle with COPD, Congestive Heart Failure and diabetes. I guess I feel if I run away I will run away from the pain and sorrow of missing/losing her even tho I know I do know it will follow me where I am.

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