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new phase of morning


debbie8800

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Hello: I hope everyone is doing ok tonight under the cirumstances of our losses. I am at the phase of feeling overwhelmed and finding it hard to accept that my mom is gone forever. I always had her to look forward to seeing her or taking care of her.

I have to find an apt now i am staying with someone since mom passed. I feel the need to look for an apt near her old place of familiarity. I don't think going to florida is going to help matters any. My mom is buried here in NJ. Its cold and not great weather till april.

Since my mom died i don't even want to stay in a hotel by myself. I had a dream about her the other night and she was so close i could almost touch her. Upon waking in the morning the realization hits me that not only do i have to deal with finding an apt but that she is really gone forever. So hard to comprehend. Does anyone else feel this. It is almost 2 months now but feels like forever.

I was living in Calif for 5 years before this happened so i feel so uprooted. I have not found work yet. I don't even know if i want to live alone. I am praying that god guides me and things start to fall into place. I also need to get a cat but most of the rentals to share you cannot bring an animal into. I feel restless that i need to be moving all the time. Mom was a strong person and I miss her so much.

The phase i am in now is disbelief that she is really gone, it is finally hitting me and it is scary. I am an only daughter no siblings to spend time talking to.

Frank i havn't seen you on here lately. Are you doing ok? Any comments are welcome. Please pray for me that i find a place. The gal i am staying with is only allowed short term guests. Well i am going to try to sleep now.

thank you I am praying for peace and stability in my life. My classes for my masters degree are starting up again on jan 17. I am really not in the mood to do the work, but i know i have to. Lord have mercy.

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Grieving is tough and has many stages. I at first was in shock, then numb, then very sad and lost, then depressed for a couple of months and now am moving toward acceptance. I wanted to rush all of this but there was no way to do it. Sometimes it is two steps forward and one step back or even one step forward and two steps back. As I understand it acceptance is generally the last step in the grieving process. It takes awhile to stop just wanting the person back. Sometimes I still feel like that but not as strongly and not as often. That is not because I don't wish she were still here but more because most of the time I accept the fact that she is really gone and there is nothing I can do to bring her back. It is hard. My heart goes out to you. The loss of your mom is so recent and I know you don't have a lot of support. Take good care of yourself and try to be patient with your grief.  I wish you peace and some comfort from those around you. Take care and God bless.

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Thank you Terra: Your words make a lot of sense and ring very true. Blessings for you as well. Debbie

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