Loss of Mom, while in last year of college

[DashSirena]

Hi everyone, my mom passed away three months ago due to an accidental overdose with her medication. I just turned 22. She was 44, schizophrenic, and bi-polar, and the years of taking those medications wore out her memory at the end. I grew up living with my Mom (till I was 13 and she went to rehab for narcotic addiction), and became very close through phone calls while in college. Very few of my friends know the cause of her death, though I want to tell people since it is an issue I am thinking about/grappling with daily. If I do start to talk about the death of my mom in a general way, they begin to look awkward and are just as happy when I change the subject and lighten the mood. I want to explain it to the people I'm closest with, even the people I work with (who are friends also) instead of leaving it as an awkward black hole of a topic. I went back to work and school after a week (though my grades this semester ended up being horrible) and other than my boyfriend and Dad, everybody probably thinks I've "gotten over it." The more I keep it in the more it feels like a lie. I avoid parties, making new friends, and I don't smile/laugh nearly as much. Over the last few weeks I've started to get panic attacks at night, and a mild panicky feeling throughout the day. I don't know how to feel better.

Does anybody have advice/words of encouragement?

[debbie8800]

Dear SFLady:

I struggle with my mothers loss too. My mom died at 87 and I am 52, its never easy. I did a bit of crying tonight and I feel alone without her. I know how you feel. I was very close to my mother. she was the greatest.

It must be hard for you being you are so young and people your age have not gone through a loss of a parent yet. I wish I could offer more encouragement. Continue schooling and keep yourself busy but losing a parent is very hard.

I wish you peace and healing and of course coming hear to vent is always good. I hope you meet a nice guy eventually and have children that should help alot. I was an only child and my children are grown and gone.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Deb

[rain_on_me]

It is sad this day in age that of a person dies as a result of a mental illness the room goes silent. My mom had cancer, fought it and died as a result. Your mom had a mental illness, fought it and died as a result. There is no difference.

Now that you are out of college is there anyone that you can speak to, like a professional? Hospice does counselling. Talk to your doctor about the panic attacks. She may recommend relaxation exercises or medication. It will help. You don't need to be dealing with panic attacks now. You need to be dealing with your grief and taking care of yourself.

Anyway, I don't have much to say. I am up in the middle of the night because I am missing my mom. My grief causes me panic attacks too.

Lots of love to you.