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Feeling Sand and Tired


tmeredith

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My mom has been gone for a little over a year now. I am realizing in the years she was sick and in the time since she passed away I have let soooo many things go. I still really miss her but now am more open to the signs which I believe are from her that tell me she is still with me just in a different way. Any way, I am realizing I have to start tackling all the many piles of stuff I have to do, the maintenance on the house I have let slide etc. At times it is overwhelming. I feel like it will take forever to get through all this stuff assuming I can. I don't even want people to come to the house because it is such a wreck, which really isn't fair to the kids. Oh yeah, I need to work on my marriage too. Grief effects us in many ways. I wouldn't change how I spent my time...my mom, my family, getting through some of my grief.. but sure wish I didn't feel in such a hole with all this stuff to do. I guess I should be glad (and I am) that I have made it further along in my grief journey but wish I could have somehow stayed more on top of things while I was going through it, settling her estate and taking care of my family. Maybe it just wasn't possible, My grief at times sapped so much of my energy. At least now I am able to get things done if I focus on just one thing at a time. I hope to get a lot accomplished this year. I fear set backs but hope they don't happen. I am going to try to think positive and just forge ahead. Wish me luck...I feel like I am going to need it!

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Hi Terra:

I feel like that too cried alot. It has been 7 weeks since my mom died. She was the greatest and it was horrible losing her. Anything would make me cry for the 1st 5 weeks or so. I know how you feel and wish you luck getting it all done. I know you can.

I am actually staying with a friend for now, thinking about going to florida or somewhere to get away. The rents in Jersey are astronomical. Be grateful you have your own home or place. I have to put up with less than desirable roommates. Last night I was told i had to move because i am not on the lease, how awful. I laid in bed thinking of my mom and how she would say come stay here till you find something.

I am alone no husband, no siblings. I truly wish you luck and i am sure you can get it done. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for healing, comfort and happiness. Again i am sorry for your loss. Its a tough thing to take.

Blessings,

Debbie

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Thank you, Debbie. I am sorry for your loss as well. I know I am lucky to have a family although they are not always the best at listening to my thoughts and feelings related to the loss of my mom, but at least I am not alone. I wish you had more support...I am sure it is very difficult. I hope you have some good friends and that you find a good living situation where you feel comfortable. You may want to try a grief support group. Most areas have them. They are usually run by churches, hospitals or hospices. I am glad you found this site. It has been tremendously helpful to me and at times helped me to not feel so alone.

Grief can be tough. Take care and by kind to yourself.

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Terra I underatand what you.are going thru. My momma came.to live with me 18 yrs ago after she had a stroke and lived with me on and off as she needed to. She was diagnosed with COPD 20 years ago.and along the way congestive heart failure and diabetes, etc. She went down hill drastically the past 2 years and.many.times during the.18 yrs she has been on her death bed where.the.docs have said.this is.it .... she was placed on hospice in.thanksgiving day.and.10.days later.she died

She was at home with me and the last day she went fast and very peaceful.

I miss her terrible and during this time I got laid off and have not.taken care of anything

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Thanks, Linda. I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know what it is like to live with a long-term, terminal illness. You were there for your mom for so long. I am sure she appreciated it and you probably wouldn't have had it any other way. None-the-less I know that as much of a blessing as that was it was likely very difficult for as well. I wish you peace and healing. I know everyone's experience is different but I found that the loss still hit me hard once the shock and numbness wore off even though I had known it was coming for a very long time. My mom didn't live with me but I was very involved in her care and spent a lot of time with her. There was and still is a big void left.

I sometimes feel overwhelmed by all that I have neglected for so long and now need to take care of. I try to tell myself I can only do what I can and that I need to tackle things bit by bit but it is hard not feel like I am at the bottom of a very deep hole. My marriage is in bad shape and I am not sure how it is going to turn out. I am doing my best to take things in a positive direction but know my best may not be good enough, which is a huge source of stress. But as I said I can only do what I can do. So I do my best and pray things go as they are meant to for the good of all involved.

Take care and go easy on yourself. Feel free to come here to "talk". There are people here who will listen and know what you have been through.

~ Terra

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