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Feeling guilty


biesiade

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I lost my wife of 32 years July 8th after a battle with cancer. I had been preparing for it and when she died I kept busy by cleaning and going through her stuff, donating what I could. I was the only one to make arrangements, and got things done fairly well. Since then I moved on, went on a few trips, and on a trip to europe I met someone and we have been dating. Things are going quite well with that relationship, it's a long distance one so we see each other when we can, but the problem is that I feel alive again and am feeling guilty for enjoying life so much. When I'm with her I feel like a kid again (I'm 61). Since my wife passed I have several people that think they are entitled to some of the insurance money. I've been using that to remodel the house and go on a few trips. When I'm out with my girlfriend I'm wondering if I should be using the money that I got because my wife died to enjoy doing things with a new person. Friends of mine that have met my girlfriend have mentioned how her laugh is just like my wife's, but I can't remember her laugh. While I remember he good times we had , I can't remember her laugh. I remember her last breath and 20 seconds later her pulse stopping. She was the perfect wife. Did I do too good of a job of moving on? I'm still being affected by these feelings of guilt, so I don't think so.

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I think your wife would want for you to be happy and to keep on living. I think it's great that you've found a companion you enjoy and that you are spending the insurance money (assuming you don't need it for financial security) on things you enjoy like travel and your home. Each of us are different in our timelines for how we deal with the loss of our spouse - and with your wife dying from cancer you likely did a lot of grieving from the day of diagnosis. One thing I have learned the hard way though is that sometimes you can distract yourself from thepain a little too much or a little too frantically. Make sure you're keeping busy because that's what works for you and feels 'right' and not to jsut keep yourself from crying or grieving. Take care.

I lost my wife of 32 years July 8th after a battle with cancer. I had been preparing for it and when she died I kept busy by cleaning and going through her stuff, donating what I could. I was the only one to make arrangements, and got things done fairly well. Since then I moved on, went on a few trips, and on a trip to europe I met someone and we have been dating. Things are going quite well with that relationship, it's a long distance one so we see each other when we can, but the problem is that I feel alive again and am feeling guilty for enjoying life so much. When I'm with her I feel like a kid again (I'm 61). Since my wife passed I have several people that think they are entitled to some of the insurance money. I've been using that to remodel the house and go on a few trips. When I'm out with my girlfriend I'm wondering if I should be using the money that I got because my wife died to enjoy doing things with a new person. Friends of mine that have met my girlfriend have mentioned how her laugh is just like my wife's, but I can't remember her laugh. While I remember he good times we had , I can't remember her laugh. I remember her last breath and 20 seconds later her pulse stopping. She was the perfect wife. Did I do too good of a job of moving on? I'm still being affected by these feelings of guilt, so I don't think so.

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I lost my wife of 32 years July 8th after a battle with cancer. I had been preparing for it and when she died I kept busy by cleaning and going through her stuff, donating what I could. I was the only one to make arrangements, and got things done fairly well. Since then I moved on, went on a few trips, and on a trip to europe I met someone and we have been dating. Things are going quite well with that relationship, it's a long distance one so we see each other when we can, but the problem is that I feel alive again and am feeling guilty for enjoying life so much. When I'm with her I feel like a kid again (I'm 61). Since my wife passed I have several people that think they are entitled to some of the insurance money. I've been using that to remodel the house and go on a few trips. When I'm out with my girlfriend I'm wondering if I should be using the money that I got because my wife died to enjoy doing things with a new person. Friends of mine that have met my girlfriend have mentioned how her laugh is just like my wife's, but I can't remember her laugh. While I remember he good times we had , I can't remember her laugh. I remember her last breath and 20 seconds later her pulse stopping. She was the perfect wife. Did I do too good of a job of moving on? I'm still being affected by these feelings of guilt, so I don't think so.

Mr. D,

You should do as you feel. Learning to move forward alone after living a life with someone is difficult at best, and there is no timeline, schedule or guidelines. I am glad you are moving forward and learning to live with a new life. As far as spending your money, it is yours. Spend it how you wish.

Just be careful about your new girlfriend, and make sure you are dating her because you like her, not because you are trying to replace your wife and reshape your new interest into your old comfortable relationship. The guilt will last for awhile; it's normal.

ModKonnie

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