I lost my sister, my best friend

[kairi325]

On November 26, 2011, I lost my sister Aymayndia, or otherwise known as Manda, Mandy, or as we called eachother, Sissy Poo. She was only 23 years old. She was driving with her boyfriend and a friend, drinking, and hit a cement wall at 70mph. My sister was killed instantly. Her boyfriend died shortly after. The driver, however, survived and suffered a broken neck, ribs and the like. I don't know what to feel, say, or think. I've lost a lot of close people in my life, but this is all to new to me, and with Mandy, I dont know how to process this. We werent just sisters, we were best friends. She was everything to me. We did everything together, talked to eachother about everything and anything. Our talks went on for hours, we watched the same tv shows, she even taught me how to drive.. I feel so lost, so hurt, and so broken without her... I don't know how to grief her death, I don't know how to forgive her either for doing this to us, to our family, to me. She was the only one in the car wearing a seat belt. She knew drunk driving was dangerous, and yet she still went. I'm so mad at her, I just want to yell, cry, scream, and I can't do any of that...

My Sister Mandy, was a drug user. She smoked weed, and took pills called Triple CC's. She has been battling this drug addiction for four years now and now it has come to an end. We used to talk about drugs for hours, trying to figure out why she did them, she just always told me, she felt free, felt normal when she took them. However, she never thought about her friends and family and how her addiction affected all of us. I have panic attacks and I pass out whenever I hear people talking about drugs, and when my sister used to talk to me about them, and say I should try them, I would start to shake and freak out and she would stop. My sister may have techniqically died from a car accident, but I know what she really died from. She died from drugs, I lost my sister to drugs. If she never would have been doing drugs, or the friends she chose to hang out with, she would of never have gotten in that car and she would still be here.

In September, we celebrated our birthdays together (our birthdays are a week apart), and then she got into a huge blow out with my parents, and me, and she moved out, and we stopped talking. We didnt talk for months. I never thought to much of it. I was sick of the life she lived, and until she grew up, I didnt want to talk to her.... Well November came, and Thanksgiving came, and she came over... We finally made up, and made plans to hang out on Saturday, the 26th. As she left that night, we hugged eachother tight, kissed eachothers cheek, and told each other how much we loved eachother. I gave her one last hug before she left. On Black Friday night, it was about midnight, which made it techniqically the 26th, I was reading my sisters Facebook. She had a status up saying she was off drinking with her friend and boyfriend. I got a really bad feeling and knew something bad was going to happen. On Saturday, the 26th, I woke up like any other day... Well when my girlfriend came over to hang out, she told me we had to watch the kids ( my youngest sister and two little cousins) because my parents went somewhere for a family emergency. I stopped and thought back to Mandys post and knew it had to do with her. I knew she must of gotten arrested, my mom was trying to bail her out again, or she was going to go to jail for a long time....Well a couple of hours went by, and me and my girlfriend were doing an arts and crafts with the kids, when my parents and aunt walked through the door teary eyed. I tried to stay calm... My mom told us to come into the living room a few minutes later, she needed to tell us something.

We all sat down in the living room, and I waited for my mom to tell me that my sister was going to jail for a long time... I sat there waiting, and all of a sudden, my mom told us that Mandy had died in a car accident. Air left my lungs, I couldnt breathe, and the world stopped. No, this had to be a mistake, a nightmare, a sick joke my mom was playing on us. I wanted to run and shake my mom and tell her to stop lying to us, but she cried, yes your sister died early this morning at 1216am... The same time when I got my bad feeling.... I started balling and couldnt stop... I swore and cry this has to be a joke.... but it was true... My sister was gone... The next few days I was a zombie.... we all were...just trying to get through the memorial.... Well we got through it... its been six weeks... and the pain isnt going anywhere... my mom bought all my sisters and me cremation bears with ashes of my sister inside them for Christmas, and I sleep with her everynight... but it doesnt help the anger, pain, sadness, emptiness, loneliness I feel. If anyone has thoughts, or advice to give to me, and help me though this, I would greatly apprciate it.

[sandy2499]

Dear Mandy, Your story is so so sad and know someone "out there"" is now thinking of you. I too lost my sister and best friend...who knows you better? She died in July in a house fire. I just joined this site hoping to find some solace. It's a nightmare and the worst heart wrenching thing I've ever gone through. How do we go on without them??

[kairi325]

Sandy, I am soo sorry to hear about your sister. That is so tragic... i joined the site for the same reason. I dont really know how to go on without her... Today was such a bad day for me, I even cried at work... I think Im finally starting to feel her death and I just want the pain to end. You are in my thoughts Sandy..

Dear Mandy, Your story is so so sad and know someone "out there"" is now thinking of you. I too lost my sister and best friend...who knows you better? She died in July in a house fire. I just joined this site hoping to find some solace. It's a nightmare and the worst heart wrenching thing I've ever gone through. How do we go on without them??

[ModKonnie]

On November 26, 2011, I lost my sister Aymayndia, or otherwise known as Manda, Mandy, or as we called eachother, Sissy Poo. She was only 23 years old. She was driving with her boyfriend and a friend, drinking, and hit a cement wall at 70mph. My sister was killed instantly. Her boyfriend died shortly after. The driver, however, survived and suffered a broken neck, ribs and the like. I don't know what to feel, say, or think. I've lost a lot of close people in my life, but this is all to new to me, and with Mandy, I dont know how to process this. We werent just sisters, we were best friends. She was everything to me. We did everything together, talked to eachother about everything and anything. Our talks went on for hours, we watched the same tv shows, she even taught me how to drive.. I feel so lost, so hurt, and so broken without her... I don't know how to grief her death, I don't know how to forgive her either for doing this to us, to our family, to me. She was the only one in the car wearing a seat belt. She knew drunk driving was dangerous, and yet she still went. I'm so mad at her, I just want to yell, cry, scream, and I can't do any of that...

My Sister Mandy, was a drug user. She smoked weed, and took pills called Triple CC's. She has been battling this drug addiction for four years now and now it has come to an end. We used to talk about drugs for hours, trying to figure out why she did them, she just always told me, she felt free, felt normal when she took them. However, she never thought about her friends and family and how her addiction affected all of us. I have panic attacks and I pass out whenever I hear people talking about drugs, and when my sister used to talk to me about them, and say I should try them, I would start to shake and freak out and she would stop. My sister may have techniqically died from a car accident, but I know what she really died from. She died from drugs, I lost my sister to drugs. If she never would have been doing drugs, or the friends she chose to hang out with, she would of never have gotten in that car and she would still be here.

In September, we celebrated our birthdays together (our birthdays are a week apart), and then she got into a huge blow out with my parents, and me, and she moved out, and we stopped talking. We didnt talk for months. I never thought to much of it. I was sick of the life she lived, and until she grew up, I didnt want to talk to her.... Well November came, and Thanksgiving came, and she came over... We finally made up, and made plans to hang out on Saturday, the 26th. As she left that night, we hugged eachother tight, kissed eachothers cheek, and told each other how much we loved eachother. I gave her one last hug before she left. On Black Friday night, it was about midnight, which made it techniqically the 26th, I was reading my sisters Facebook. She had a status up saying she was off drinking with her friend and boyfriend. I got a really bad feeling and knew something bad was going to happen. On Saturday, the 26th, I woke up like any other day... Well when my girlfriend came over to hang out, she told me we had to watch the kids ( my youngest sister and two little cousins) because my parents went somewhere for a family emergency. I stopped and thought back to Mandys post and knew it had to do with her. I knew she must of gotten arrested, my mom was trying to bail her out again, or she was going to go to jail for a long time....Well a couple of hours went by, and me and my girlfriend were doing an arts and crafts with the kids, when my parents and aunt walked through the door teary eyed. I tried to stay calm... My mom told us to come into the living room a few minutes later, she needed to tell us something.

We all sat down in the living room, and I waited for my mom to tell me that my sister was going to jail for a long time... I sat there waiting, and all of a sudden, my mom told us that Mandy had died in a car accident. Air left my lungs, I couldnt breathe, and the world stopped. No, this had to be a mistake, a nightmare, a sick joke my mom was playing on us. I wanted to run and shake my mom and tell her to stop lying to us, but she cried, yes your sister died early this morning at 1216am... The same time when I got my bad feeling.... I started balling and couldnt stop... I swore and cry this has to be a joke.... but it was true... My sister was gone... The next few days I was a zombie.... we all were...just trying to get through the memorial.... Well we got through it... its been six weeks... and the pain isnt going anywhere... my mom bought all my sisters and me cremation bears with ashes of my sister inside them for Christmas, and I sleep with her everynight... but it doesnt help the anger, pain, sadness, emptiness, loneliness I feel. If anyone has thoughts, or advice to give to me, and help me though this, I would greatly apprciate it.

I am so very sorry about the loss of your sister, Mandy. I am sure it seems so senseless and awful. I lost my brother in a car wreck many years ago two days before Christmas. Your story sounds so familiar to me.I can still remember, even after all of these years, the "breath getting sucked out of me" feeling when I heard the police tell my father that my brother was dead. I also remember the happy times we had as a family, too, though. The zombie-like state will fade, and you will start to feel again. You will experience anger, fear, loneliness, sadness, fury, bitterness, despair, numbness and tons of other emotions, but you will eventually begin to put your life back together.

I am an addictions recovery specialist at a women's prison. Drug addiction is a horrible disease to fight, and just like other diseases, it ends in death if not treated properly. Please try not to be angry at your sister for her addiction; it is a disease, and it takes hold of people and ruins their lives. Please try to honor your sister's memory by being very very careful never to get even accidentally involved with drugs (some people become addicts because of prescription pills).

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[kairi325]

Thank you... I am trying to not be mad at her, but its so hard..

I am so very sorry about the loss of your sister, Mandy. I am sure it seems so senseless and awful. I lost my brother in a car wreck many years ago two days before Christmas. Your story sounds so familiar to me.I can still remember, even after all of these years, the "breath getting sucked out of me" feeling when I heard the police tell my father that my brother was dead. I also remember the happy times we had as a family, too, though. The zombie-like state will fade, and you will start to feel again. You will experience anger, fear, loneliness, sadness, fury, bitterness, despair, numbness and tons of other emotions, but you will eventually begin to put your life back together.

I am an addictions recovery specialist at a women's prison. Drug addiction is a horrible disease to fight, and just like other diseases, it ends in death if not treated properly. Please try not to be angry at your sister for her addiction; it is a disease, and it takes hold of people and ruins their lives. Please try to honor your sister's memory by being very very careful never to get even accidentally involved with drugs (some people become addicts because of prescription pills).

We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[Maddy6]

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