The most difficult day yet.

[WithoutHer]

I rambled on in a previous post to vent my feelings. That's why we are here right? I don't know what it has been about today being 5 weeks to the day since Vickie passed but this has been the most difficult day I have experienced emotionally. Nothing I say or read brings me any comfort.

[KayC]

I am sorry, @WithoutHer.

[DWS]

9 hours ago, WithoutHer said:

Nothing I say or read brings me any comfort.

My heart really goes out to you. I know that horrible place of emotion distinctly. The experts likely call it moments of anxiety but I like the term "heavy-heartedness" better. It's a dark and lost place to be where you're looking for anything to help bring some light back into your world. I'm not quite sure how we get out of that state of brutal heavy-heartedness but I did learn about breathing exercises. That might sound like a lame solution but it has worked for me.

With grief and loss, there is no way to think our way out of this ongoing sadness and attempts to do that just add on more agitation. Focusing our mind on our breathing can help ground us and bring us a bit of relief from our continual expectation of wanting pain to go away. We are this remarkable machine of flesh and blood that relies on the intake and outtake of the air around us and so, reminding ourselves of that, can temporarily take us away from our emotional state and bring us to the physical. A breathing exercise that I learned is called "4-7-8". 

4-7-8:

Breathe in fresh air for 4 seconds...count to 4 in your head while you do this.

Hold that breath while counting to 7.

Release fully on a count of  8. 

Repeat at least 3 times. 

Like I said, it might sound lame and needless but we do whatever we can to bring some comfort. I learned that the actual counting in our heads is important with this exercise. 

[RichS]

On 3/18/2023 at 11:35 PM, WithoutHer said:

I don't know what it has been about today being 5 weeks to the day since Vickie passed but this has been the most difficult day I have experienced emotionally.

I believe all of us have days like you've had. I had one a few days ago. For some reason I felt physically and mentally tired; so I sat in a comfortable chair for most of the day. I felt guilty doing it; but that and a better night's sleep helped me. These kind of days come in waves.................

[KayC]

4 hours ago, RichS said:

I felt guilty doing it

Don't...one of my tips is being kind and understanding of yourself...now that the one who cared about us is gone, it's essential we treat ourselves with that same care.

[I miss you so much]

On 3/19/2023 at 4:35 AM, WithoutHer said:

I rambled on in a previous post to vent my feelings. That's why we are here right? I don't know what it has been about today being 5 weeks to the day since Vickie passed but this has been the most difficult day I have experienced emotionally. Nothing I say or read brings me any comfort.

I have started reading about lucid dreams, dream yoga, astral projection...I'm a skeptical one but  I wonder if maybe this could be true, and not only  "New Age", it would be the sole comfort I could find. 

Each one of us know, deep in ourselves, if there will ever be some kind of comfort. We cannot lie to ourselves.

[LMR]

I have also been reading about lucid dreams, I think it would need a lot of work.

I don't sleep well. Just this week I have started taking a B6 supplement before bed. Apart from relaxing you its supposed to increase dreaming and help with recall. I have dreamt every night, mostly rubbish but he was in two of them and that is a comfort thst I haven't had in a long while.

[I miss you so much]

17 hours ago, LMR said:

I have also been reading about lucid dreams, I think it would need a lot of work.

I don't sleep well. Just this week I have started taking a B6 supplement before bed. Apart from relaxing you its supposed to increase dreaming and help with recall. I have dreamt every night, mostly rubbish but he was in two of them and that is a comfort thst I haven't had in a long while.

Yes, I've read about B6 to help in lucid dreams and recalling.  By now, I'm trying without that and just following different tips.

I used to not remember if I had dreamt, but lately even if I can't remember the dream, I often have the idea I have dreamt.

But he's never in my dreams, at least in those that I remember (I lately dream a lot of my ado period).

It's quite disappointing because he's the reason why I'm so interested in this topic. I doesn't matter if dreams are not reality, at least it could be a way of "being" with him again. 

Last night, I have dreamt I was in a sort of commando squad in a sort of Middle East  mountains scenery. I can't remember if "myself" in the dream was "me" or another person, like a soldier. We had machine guns and we were in an "action" moment, the enemy airplanes arriving and shooting.

Disappointing, in fact...

[LMR]

I dream like that too. Like I'm watching a movie. Sometimes I am a man, sometimes I'm me and sometimes I have no idea who I am.

It is disappointing when it would be such a comfort. I have started to look forward to bedtime because I know there is a chance.

I hope you will have some wonderful dreams.

[KayC]

I don't remember my dreams very often, maybe that's a good thing (I take a sleep aid).  On the other hand, I never get those dreams of George so it's a hard trade off.  I can't go on living without sleep though.  Been there too many years!

[KayC]

See your doctor, I tried to get by on little for YEARS, even commuting on lack of it...dangerous.

[RichS]

I was taking Melotonin (over the counter vitamin) for a number of years; but I would check with your doctor before doing anything.

[KayC]

I tried it, it worked for my daughter but not for me.  I tried scents, everything.