I want the world to stop

[Ck13]

2 weeks since my partner died suddenly and I’m really really struggling. I have 2 children which I have to get up each morning and function for, have to go to work to survive financially but I can’t cope with the fact the world keeps turning when mine has ended.  Everyone else is carrying on with life.  The pain is unbearable and I just want to close my eyes and not deal with anything. Funeral is next week and I don’t know how I’m going to cope, I can’t go an hour without breaking down. 

[KayC]

I remember feeling the same things when I went through that time...I didn't see how the sun could go on shining without George in it!  All the people scurrying about with meaningless things while my world had stopped!  

Somehow we have to function until the day things ease a bit or look better enough to have any measure of good in them whatsoever, be it five years from now or whenever.  One day at a time.  Eat something, drink some water, take care of your kids, go to work, I know it all seems meaningless right now but it's your path for the time being.

And meanwhile, keep coming here, voicing yourself.

I remember driving out into the woods and screaming at the top of my lungs!  I am sure I scared off a bear or cougar, very certain of that as they were known to be there...no one, not even them, would take on this mama with rage!  Somehow that thought amused me later...

[DWS]

2 hours ago, Ck13 said:

2 weeks since my partner died suddenly and I’m really really struggling. I have 2 children which I have to get up each morning and function for, have to go to work to survive financially but I can’t cope with the fact the world keeps turning when mine has ended.  Everyone else is carrying on with life.  The pain is unbearable and I just want to close my eyes and not deal with anything. Funeral is next week and I don’t know how I’m going to cope, I can’t go an hour without breaking down. 

I'm so so sorry for this tremendous loss of your partner and now for everything you're having to cope with. It's so surreal that with what has happened, society and our own sense of duty dictate that we still need to work and keep finances flowing. It just doesn't seem right or make sense. There's no way to stop this hurt even if the world seems to behave in a way that says there is. Hopefully, you have someone close who is able to give you some support through this. The funeral may feel like the very last thing you want to deal with but hopefully, like I and many others have experienced, you will feel the huge wealth of love and warmth there. It's one hurdle to get over right now. Those of us on this site are here for you if and when a need to unload arises.

[DancesWithWolves]

14 hours ago, Ck13 said:

2 weeks since my partner died suddenly and I’m really really struggling. I have 2 children which I have to get up each morning and function for, have to go to work to survive financially but I can’t cope with the fact the world keeps turning when mine has ended.  Everyone else is carrying on with life.  The pain is unbearable and I just want to close my eyes and not deal with anything. Funeral is next week and I don’t know how I’m going to cope, I can’t go an hour without breaking down. 

All you can do is the best you can to take baby steps forward - and whatever you can manage is enough.  As Kay said, don't forget to drink and eat...and do try to sleep, even if you just lay down.  I am so impressed that you are able to go through the motions for work and your children.  You are already showing great strength!  The way everything keeps moving seems cruel and those that don't understand grief have no idea how overwhelming it is. This forum does help and the support here is wonderful!

One last thing (and this is only from my experience), I did manage a little better after the funeral. I am not sure why, but it seemed to give me some closure and I was able to cry a little less often and started looking toward the next steps that had to be taken. Until then (for two weeks), his death/my loss was my only focus. I hope that you gain some relief after next week.  The pain doesn't really end, it just changes and its teeth won't seem quite so sharp all of the time.  I only say that, because I have been able to smile again, and two weeks into this, I never thought I would again.  I think my first genuine smile happened this week (you fake it for those you love).  Nothing will feel exactly normal again, but you will find a new normal that you can move (and hopefully thrive) through.