Lost my parents unexpectedly a month ago. I dread life milestones now.

[tomato]

Hello all,

My parents died in a car accident that was totally reckless and needn't have happened had the other driver not been driving like a maniac. (They also passed.)

I am due to graduate with my master's degree in a year and the thought of going to the ceremony fills me with anxiety. I find myself dragging my feet on occasion and any new research progress upsets me all over again because my parents were very supportive and now they're not here anymore. I'd call and text them regularly about updates and I don't have that now.

Add on top of that having the expense of all the arrangements and flights back and forth to deal with selling their house, the house I grew up in - that's extremely painful as well.

I did drop down in class hours this semester which was a godsend. I'm not planning to do anything over summer except work on my research and try to heal some. The last month or so has been so chaotic I feel as though I haven't had time to properly take in that they are gone forever, and I am dreading having to face that head on. I feel very lucky that my university has offered me free therapy which has been so helpful!

[Traz]

Dear Tomato,

To lose both of your parents like that in a horrific and senseless accident is simply unimaginable. I am so very, very sorry for your tragic loss. 

I can only imagine your loss is magnified even more as you are completing your Master's degree. They sounded like wonderful and supportive parents who love you so much. Not being able to reach out to them or share this academic milestone with them must be heartbreaking. 

I'm relieved to hear your University offers free therapy and I hope you can continue throughout the completion of your degree. Again, I could not imagine dealing with all of that by myself. 

And I know people who have had to sell their parents' home where they grew up and it is a daunting task for anyone. Especially if you are flying back and forth. I hope somehow, you can feel your parents' love giving you strength through all of this. They want you to be happy. They want you to heal. I know this because I'm a parent and that is what we want for our kids! 

Tomato, do you have any other extended family or friends who could help you with this enormous ordeal with the house? Or even someone you can lean on for emotional support? Do you have siblings? 

Your post touched me and I am sending you a supportive virtual hug ♡ Please take very good care of yourself and your health as you process this new reality. 

Please reach out again if you need to.

Loving and healing thoughts to you,

Traz

 

[Grieving Mom and Academic]

Tomato,

I'm so sorry. I have a MA and PhD, and so I'm imagining trying to do graduate school and caring for yourself during this time. I lost my mom last summer and I feel the dread of new milestones too. My first birthday without her was one of the hardest days of my life. I don't have any advice about how to make it all work, though if you want help trying to navigate university policies let me know- it may be possible for you to take a leave of absence while maintaining your student status, or other things like that because I know that the kind of thinking I had to do for my degrees would be very very difficult right now while I'm grieving, and I imagine that your brain is doing similar things, and It might not get better for a while. Really, I just wanted to say you're not alone.