My brother died by suicide

[Elmo83]

Almost 4 weeks ago my beautiful 30year old brother decided to end his own life. And im so broken. I can't function, we had the worst childhood full of abuse and neglect, and he came to live with me as a teen. And we had the best time we really were best friends, I loved him as if he was my own child. I'm so hurt and angry that he has abandoned us this way, and im devastated that he has chucked a bomb in my life, and I don't know how to hold it together, he had moved abroad a couple years ago but we spoke and messaged most days... He had problems with addiction and had always struggled with trauma from our childhood, but we could always talk to each other about it. His close friend had died in a car crash a couple weeks beforehand and he was devastated by it, he had also disclosed that something physical was going on but he wouldn't open up about it when asked.

I don't understand why he didn't ring me that night, I would have found a way to help. He had messaged me earlier in the day and it was just normal chit-chat. I understand that he made the choice that he wanted and I don't hate him for that I hope he has peace wherever he is, but im also angry at how I feel at how my life is falling apart and I can't seem to hold it togther. I miss him so much 

 

[MSJ]

My adult brother took his life on January 29, 2023. My emotions are raw and I am devastated beyond belief.  There was no goodbye, no note, nothing. Over and over again I ask why. My crying continues day and night thinking about the severe emotional pain he must have felt to take his life. I don’t if I’ll ever be the same again. 

[Elmo83]

I'm so sorry for your loss. It's brutal. I can't bare the thought of feeling like this forever 😓

[LeeKen]

On 3/14/2023 at 6:11 PM, Elmo83 said:

Almost 4 weeks ago my beautiful 30year old brother decided to end his own life. And im so broken. I can't function, we had the worst childhood full of abuse and neglect, and he came to live with me as a teen. And we had the best time we really were best friends, I loved him as if he was my own child. I'm so hurt and angry that he has abandoned us this way, and im devastated that he has chucked a bomb in my life, and I don't know how to hold it together, he had moved abroad a couple years ago but we spoke and messaged most days... He had problems with addiction and had always struggled with trauma from our childhood, but we could always talk to each other about it. His close friend had died in a car crash a couple weeks beforehand and he was devastated by it, he had also disclosed that something physical was going on but he wouldn't open up about it when asked.

I don't understand why he didn't ring me that night, I would have found a way to help. He had messaged me earlier in the day and it was just normal chit-chat. I understand that he made the choice that he wanted and I don't hate him for that I hope he has peace wherever he is, but im also angry at how I feel at how my life is falling apart and I can't seem to hold it togther. I miss him so much 

 

 

[LeeKen]

I am sorry I do not think I am replying correctly on here but I want to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss. I truly cannot imagine what you’re going through.  There is only so much we can do as humans. Take one minute one day at a time. i have read so many stories where people are dealing with suicide in the family. It is so hard for me to understand. I’m so sorry and pray for you and your family. 

[Asia]

On 3/14/2023 at 4:11 PM, Elmo83 said:

Almost 4 weeks ago my beautiful 30year old brother decided to end his own life. And im so broken. I can't function, we had the worst childhood full of abuse and neglect, and he came to live with me as a teen. And we had the best time we really were best friends, I loved him as if he was my own child. I'm so hurt and angry that he has abandoned us this way, and im devastated that he has chucked a bomb in my life, and I don't know how to hold it together, he had moved abroad a couple years ago but we spoke and messaged most days... He had problems with addiction and had always struggled with trauma from our childhood, but we could always talk to each other about it. His close friend had died in a car crash a couple weeks beforehand and he was devastated by it, he had also disclosed that something physical was going on but he wouldn't open up about it when asked.

I don't understand why he didn't ring me that night, I would have found a way to help. He had messaged me earlier in the day and it was just normal chit-chat. I understand that he made the choice that he wanted and I don't hate him for that I hope he has peace wherever he is, but im also angry at how I feel at how my life is falling apart and I can't seem to hold it togther. I miss him so much 

 

I am there with you...I am beyond sad for my own brother. Beautiful soul being, my brother who I was so close with, had developed alcoholism dependence, got himself killed not by his will, but rather being in agony. It is 30 days since he died and I cannot find any comfort in my heart or by talking with people. I'm crying daily, sadness is in my bones now. How do you ever move on? Depression is here.

[Elmo83]

48 minutes ago, Asia said:

I am there with you...I am beyond sad for my own brother. Beautiful soul being, my brother who I was so close with, had developed alcoholism dependence, got himself killed not by his will, but rather being in agony. It is 30 days since he died and I cannot find any comfort in my heart or by talking with people. I'm crying daily, sadness is in my bones now. How do you ever move on? Depression is here.

I hear you, this is awful, and I keep bumping into people and they ask how I am, I get they are just trying to be kind but I don't want to talk about it or answer questions because my face betrays me and my eyes start to leak. It's a nightmare. I'm in my last year of uni as well so I have to try and pull it together but I have no energy or motivation, it's exhausting trying to function at even a basic level.