Loss of both parents, feeling alone

[penguin2376]

I'm 31. I lost my dad as a young teen and never really dealt with it, putting on an act in front of everyone so they knew I was OK. A few months ago my mum passed suddenly. She was literally my best friend. Now I'm desperately trying to not do the same thing and process what hashappened but the more I try the more alone I feel. I don't know how to even start this topic with my friends as they haven't lost one parent let alone both and don't seem to be able to comprehend why I'm struggling...

[tomato]

Hello penguin,

I am so sorry you are in this position. I also lost both my parents, but I had more time with them on Earth than you had with yours. It is a very lonely club to be in, and sometimes people will even say inappropriate things because they do not understand what it is like. I think you are on the right track to try to process your loss instead of trying to suppress it. If it feels too overwhelming to face everything at once, it's okay to "release the pressure valve" in small doses as you feel able to handle it. If you are going through a time in your life where you cannot afford to be sidelined by grief, such as during exams or big recital, it is not a crime to set it aside temporarily to get done what needs to be done, then feel your feelings later when you have more time to rest afterward.

Do not ever feel bad by the way if you need to take time away or ask for extensions on your studies. It won't make you weak or anything like that! If an anniversary or birthday is coming up and you are upset, that is okay! I lost my siblings earlier in life and the pain of that loss still sneaks up on me unexpectedly at times.