Feeling guilt after euthanizing my cat and feeling pressure from the vet

[Klu1021]

My cat had been having trouble going to the bathroom for several months. I took her to an emergency vet who did an x-ray and did not find any tumors, blockages, etc. They gave her an antibiotic and she seems to feel better for a couple of months. She started to yelp again, and I noticed was losing some weight so I had a second vet take a look at her. He did bloodwork and a urinalysis and said she was healthy. I took her to a third vet who did a rectal exam and told me she had a rectal tumor and needed to be euthanized. They told me surgery would be really expensive, and they had never had any of their clients opt for the surgery. I was in a state of shock as that’s not what I was expecting to hear, and went along with the doctors advice to euthanize her. I’m now feeling extreme guilt as I don’t know if that was the right way to go. I could have easily paid for a surgery. I am also second-guessing the vet because all she did was a rectal exam. She did not run any other test or do any biopsies and the blood work showed my cat was otherwise healthy. I don’t know how to get over this guilt and I feel extremely awful and heartbroken

[KayC]

I am so sorry for the loss of your cat, it's a huge loss and I can imagine how you must be feeling.  Then to top it off, your post did not show up until today, just now, so I apologize for the late response.
I found it helped me to write about their life, in a way immortalizing them. 

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[Klu1021]

Thank you for your response. Yes, the guilt is so real and it is awful. I hate that her last coherent moments were being scared and confused in a vets office. I wish I would’ve at least brought her home somewhere that she was happy and comfortable to be euthanized. I was just kind of in shock or not. also, thank you for the video, that was very nice.

[AJWCat]

I am so sorry for your loss. You did exactly what you thought was right at the time. Everyone who comes here loves their animals so much and wants to do the best right thing. Sometimes that is impossible to tell. So please give yourself a break.

And for all you know, you could've gone home to more suffering and discomfort. Cats hide illness very well. I let one of mine (he had lymphoma) live for too long because I just could not do it. He suffered because of me. 

It doesn't change the pain you are in. In time, you find peace with what you had to do. And again, really sorry for your loss. 

[KayC]

15 hours ago, AJWCat said:

Cats hide illness very well.

They do, when I took Kitty in to be euthanized, she'd lost half her nine pounds down to 4.5 and had kidney and liver failure, it was more than time.  I knew she'd lost weight and assumed she had kidney failure at the end but liver too?  That surprised me.

 

[LeeKen]

It is so hard to know what these docs think sometimes. We put our doggie down not knowing if he truly had cancer because they did not do biopsy but the signs were there and he declined bad. I’m so sorry to hear of all this loss. I am here to talk. 

[KayC]

They should have done the biopsy, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[VMac]

So sorry for your loss Klu1021 and LeeKen. I recently had a similar experience with my beloved 18.5 year old cat at an emergency clinic. It’s left me completely distraught and guilt ridden. My cat happened to look just like your beautiful girl so I feel even more compelled to reply. He had 3 existing conditions & a heart murmur. Blood tests & urinalysis showed they were well managed but he kept losing weight. I started a stool sample and had decided to go ahead with a scan next via his usual vet. Two days later he collapsed, hyperventilated and lost control of his bowels all at the same time. The emergency vet said it was a stroke, his back legs were paralysed and whilst he wasn’t in pain it was a poor prognosis. I didn’t think that sounded promising, didn’t want my cat to suffer a poor quality of life so I verbally agreed to have him put to sleep. Then the vet made a dismissive comment about my cat’s age and weight and how it was for the best. His comments rattled me as it sounded like he was writing my cat off mostly due to his age and weight but I couldn’t think what to do next. I went to see my cat and checked he definitely couldn’t use his legs. I instinctively wanted to get him out of there and home again but dismissed that idea as irresponsible and selfish in case he deteriorated further. For some reason which I’ll never understand I didn’t have the presence of mind to ask for his carrier back, put him back in, pay and leave for another emergency clinic for a second opinion. Instead I felt panicked and defeated like there was no other option than to go ahead. Now I feel I completely failed my cat when he needed me the most to make a stand. Worse still, I’ve read that cats often recover well from strokes and regain mobility. The next day the vet said my cat had an ATE (blood clot in the saddle region) but that condition is excruciating for cats and they normally really howl. And the vet reassured me the day before my cat wasn’t in pain so it doesn’t add up. Plus the report doesn’t mention ATE or any blood clot and says ‘back legs off’ which isn’t the same as paralysis. The vet was adamant the prognosis was poor and I made the right decision but he seems to have changed or talked up the diagnosis to something more serious and I can’t stop thinking he just wrote my cat off due to his age and weight. If it was ATE I don’t regret my decision but I had my cat put to sleep based on a stroke and paralysis. I’m left not knowing what really happened and not trusting the vet who I now think was maybe high-handed and harsh. This has caused me a lot of distress and I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for not being able to act on what I think my body was telling me about the vet before I went ahead.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, VMac said:

the vet reassured me the day before my cat wasn’t in pain so it doesn’t add up.

Is it possible the vet said that to relieve your mind?  Not excusing it, I believe in being a straight shooter, giving the truth and letting the person make up their mind, in other words, the vet should tell you what your up against but ultimately it should be up to you to decide...

[VMac]

I’ve also wondered the same thing but it’s hard to know what to believe now. I feel like such a weak person and failure for not being able to think my way out of that clinic that night. It was so stressful and overwhelming. It’s so obvious now what I should’ve done and my cat might still be here with me now. It’s completely devastating. 

[KayC]

I wouldn't say what should or shouldn't have been done, only God knows...but your cat is in a good place, I truly believe that...of course we want them here with us.