Missing mom

[debbie8800]

Tonight was really wierd, i went to the Emergency room because i was worried i broke or fractured a rib at the gym. While at the same hospital my mom passed in. I remembered the last week of her life.

I keep seeing her and looking at her things. I don't want to believe she is gone. I am having trouble coping. I am so restless. The doctor gave me some lorazapam and now i need them to sleep. Does anyone else have this?

I was not settled when she died. Her and I just came back from Calif to NJ and she passed here. Her burial site is here. So i am hesitant to move else where. Sometimes I drive an hour north and look at the senior building she used to live in and i feel safe once again only briefly till i realize she is not longer in there and then i cry again.

Kate I know you have a husband, I don't and i have no siblings which makes it that much harder to deal with. My master degree starts up again online on Jan 17 at least i have that. I was looking for a job and an apt when she passed. I feel so unsettled unlike other people. I am staying with a friend but i realize i have to move into my own place but i am afraid of being alone now and never was before I was always so brave not anymore. Where we live now is kind of isolated i want to move back to where she used to live. My roommate also wants to take a trip to florida next week. I just don't feel its the right time and I hear florida is cold right now too.

Has anyone else gone through things like this? Its so hard to have fun and be happy again when she was everything to me. She worked hard, was smart, was good to me, financially, emotionally and on many other levels. I find myself comparing other people to her and they fall short. I feel lonely and not really happy unlike before. I always dreaded the day she would pass and it has come.

I was putting resumes out and need to do that again but i just don't feel motivated to live alone, etc. I hope to god things get better.

Any thoughts or comments are welcome. Thank you

[Linda43]

Debbie, I too.am like you. I relocated to.Seattle from Indiana in.july and brought mom.with me. Jan 21st I .flying back to.Indiana for her.memorial and she.will be laid.to.rest next to her mom. I.am finding it.hard.to want to come back.to.Seattle and leave her in.Indiana. when I think about it.I have huge.anxiety attacks. I just want to stay as close to.her as I.can. how can I leave her in Indiana and come back to the house where.she.died.

I.am laid off now. No job, no mom.and no.source of income.

I.find myself.wanting to pack a bag and run.away

Go somewhere were I might be happy again, I want.to.find peace in my soul again.

How do I.do.this

Sorry debbie I.probably am not much help to your.problems

[Jeff's Mom]

Tonight was really wierd, i went to the Emergency room because i was worried i broke or fractured a rib at the gym. While at the same hospital my mom passed in. I remembered the last week of her life.

I keep seeing her and looking at her things. I don't want to believe she is gone. I am having trouble coping. I am so restless. The doctor gave me some lorazapam and now i need them to sleep. Does anyone else have this?

I was not settled when she died. Her and I just came back from Calif to NJ and she passed here. Her burial site is here. So i am hesitant to move else where. Sometimes I drive an hour north and look at the senior building she used to live in and i feel safe once again only briefly till i realize she is not longer in there and then i cry again.

Kate I know you have a husband, I don't and i have no siblings which makes it that much harder to deal with. My master degree starts up again online on Jan 17 at least i have that. I was looking for a job and an apt when she passed. I feel so unsettled unlike other people. I am staying with a friend but i realize i have to move into my own place but i am afraid of being alone now and never was before I was always so brave not anymore. Where we live now is kind of isolated i want to move back to where she used to live. My roommate also wants to take a trip to florida next week. I just don't feel its the right time and I hear florida is cold right now too.

Has anyone else gone through things like this? Its so hard to have fun and be happy again when she was everything to me. She worked hard, was smart, was good to me, financially, emotionally and on many other levels. I find myself comparing other people to her and they fall short. I feel lonely and not really happy unlike before. I always dreaded the day she would pass and it has come.

I was putting resumes out and need to do that again but i just don't feel motivated to live alone, etc. I hope to god things get better.

Any thoughts or comments are welcome. Thank you

Debbie, first of all...how did you make out with your fracture? Is everything ok?

You are right that I have my husband...and thank heaven for him. He has been the rock of Gibraltar to me.

In the past few years I have cared for no less then five people that have died in my family. I have seen it all. Cancer, heart, alzheimer's, emphysema, etc. It is so hard to watch somebody you love slip away. Separation anxiety can realy take hold and make you feel very anxious. It is now time for you to take that huge step on your own. But there are others out there that you will meet along the way such as yourself. Anti depressents are another good thing to help ease you along this road to recovery. I was given sleeping pills when Jeff died. I broke them in half and on occasion when I feel very anxious I will take one to help me to get some decent rest.

I wanted to mention one thing that we did with Jeff's ashes. He had him cremated. We then scattered his ashes in a place that he had asked us to if anything happened to him. What we did however was to keep a few of the ashes in the urn and they are here at our home with us. When we both die we have left instructions that the rest of the ashes are then scattered together in the same place. Also know this much...your Mom's body is gone, but she will stay with your always in spirit. She is only a thought away. You will find yourself getting stronger in time. Perhaps you can join a program or take another course for interest when you are actually settled. Making new friends is another way to help you to move on and not feel so alone. Volunteer work is another great way to meet people and feel good about yourself.

I found that even with my husband's support... I was lost after these people died. They had taken all of our attention and time for so long that I had ceased to have a life of my own. They do not call it the sandwich generation for nothing. That is the one issue I hold with other family members. We put our kids on the back burner while doing this. We felt our kids were young and we would have plenty of time when the others died. WRONG! And in the end...well, I would do it differently today.

Good luck with everything. Hang in there.

[debbie8800]

Linda I know I am staying with someone and i don't know what to do at this point, go to florida, find a place in jersey near my mothers gravesite, I was raised in Jersey but spent 7 years in florida and 5 in Calif doing undergraduate work. Now i just feel lost without mom. My roommate drives me bonkers, again no one compares to my british mom, good lord, where are the bloody keys? lol that was her fav line.

I am hoping by next week to have some additional clarity to my situation. who knows?

[debbie8800]

Linda I know I am staying with someone and i don't know what to do at this point, go to florida, find a place in jersey near my mothers gravesite, I was raised in Jersey but spent 7 years in florida and 5 in florida doing undergraduate work. Now i just feel lost without mom. My roommate drives me bonkers, again no one compares to my british mom, good lord, where are the bloody keys? lol that was her fav line.

I am hoping by next week to have some additional clarity to my situation. who knows?

[debbie8800]

Debbie, I too.am like you. I relocated to.Seattle from Indiana in.july and brought mom.with me. Jan 21st I .flying back to.Indiana for her.memorial and she.will be laid.to.rest next to her mom. I.am finding it.hard.to want to come back.to.Seattle and leave her in.Indiana. when I think about it.I have huge.anxiety attacks. I just want to stay as close to.her as I.can. how can I leave her in Indiana and come back to the house where.she.died.

I.am laid off now. No job, no mom.and no.source of income.

I.find myself.wanting to pack a bag and run.away

Go somewhere were I might be happy again, I want.to.find peace in my soul again.

How do I.do.this

Sorry debbie I.probably am not much help to your.problems

Linda: Are you in Seattle or Indiana right now? I feel for you as well as myself. You are not alone. I can see how you want to run away. I get like that. Is your boyfriend in Seattle? Well if i do go to florida i will have an extra bedroom for company. Are you going to stay in Seattle? Do you own a house there?

[Linda43]

I am in Seattle right now. I.fly to Indiana in 2 weeks to lay my mom yo rest. My fiance is in.Seattle.

[Linda43]

I am in Seattle right now. I.fly to Indiana in 2 weeks to lay my mom yo rest. My fiance is in.Seattle.

[debbie8800]

Debbie, first of all...how did you make out with your fracture? Is everything ok?

You are right that I have my husband...and thank heaven for him. He has been the rock of Gibraltar to me.

In the past few years I have cared for no less then five people that have died in my family. I have seen it all. Cancer, heart, alzheimer's, emphysema, etc. It is so hard to watch somebody you love slip away. Separation anxiety can realy take hold and make you feel very anxious. It is now time for you to take that huge step on your own. But there are others out there that you will meet along the way such as yourself. Anti depressents are another good thing to help ease you along this road to recovery. I was given sleeping pills when Jeff died. I broke them in half and on occasion when I feel very anxious I will take one to help me to get some decent rest.

I wanted to mention one thing that we did with Jeff's ashes. He had him cremated. We then scattered his ashes in a place that he had asked us to if anything happened to him. What we did however was to keep a few of the ashes in the urn and they are here at our home with us. When we both die we have left instructions that the rest of the ashes are then scattered together in the same place. Also know this much...your Mom's body is gone, but she will stay with your always in spirit. She is only a thought away. You will find yourself getting stronger in time. Perhaps you can join a program or take another course for interest when you are actually settled. Making new friends is another way to help you to move on and not feel so alone. Volunteer work is another great way to meet people and feel good about yourself.

I found that even with my husband's support... I was lost after these people died. They had taken all of our attention and time for so long that I had ceased to have a life of my own. They do not call it the sandwich generation for nothing. That is the one issue I hold with other family members. We put our kids on the back burner while doing this. We felt our kids were young and we would have plenty of time when the others died. WRONG! And in the end...well, I would do it differently today.

Good luck with everything. Hang in there.

[debbie8800]

To Kate:

My ribs are very sore. The percocet did nothing. lol Motrin is helping. The x ray did not show a fracture but i think there is one and if a piece breaks off it can puncture the lung, so i am going to a specialty hospital tommorrow. Meanwhile last night i got no sleep. Today on the motrin i slept great.

Well the girl that is putting me up is going to florida so i think i am going down to to the Fort Myers area at least for a while. Its very cold in jersey and i am fed up with everything here for now. I hope i am doing the right thing. I have to decide if i want to share a place with someone down there or get my own apt which may be too lonely. So will see. I am thinking of leavving next Wed after i color my hair. lol

Kate, lots of warm wishes for you for your efforts in assiting everyone get through their grief. Blessings to you for that. Debbie

[Linda43]

Debbie hope your ribs are feeling better soon. I went to the ER xmas night with severe lower stomache pains amd found out it diticulitis, which is the weakening of the colon wall that becomes herniated. Very painful. They gave me meds amd pain killers. I am feeling much better now.

I don't sleep much either. Going to the doctor this week to get on meds to help me.

I have to go pay the rest of moms funeral expenses and pick up her ashes. Like Kate I am having a urn made and keeping some of her ashes with me, I just can't let her go... I only cried all day. I miss her so much