Delete This please

[LostThomas]

Tried to delete no option, thank you.

[movingon]

11 minutes ago, LostThomas said:

But what if I can't get off the sofa...then what?

You will Thomas, you will. The amount of walking you do is amazing, that will surely help keep you fit. The eating is another story. I'm getting better, John was the cook so it's been hard to do it on my own, and I can cook, I just don't like to. In January I was eating yoghourt and ensure drinks, but I was feeling very weak and dizzy. So I drink my breakfast and lunch protein smoothies, that way I get frozen fruit and raw veggies into me. At night I alternate between pan frying chicken thighs, putting frozen breaded haddock filets in the oven, frozen boxed pizza slices in the oven, and....I've branched out into pasta. One envelope bof Alfredo sauce mix and enough noodles for 2-3 nights worth of supper. I keep it simple. As time passes, I will slowly introduce other foods to eat. But for now I know I'm getting my protein, my fruits and vegetables. 

That is alot of weight you've lost, I've only lost 6 pounds in 2 months. That is absolutely something you're going to have to keep an eye on. Try to keep it simple, no fancy meals but try to get chicken and fish or meat into you for the protein. I have a pantry full of rice and canned beans but I'm just not there yet. It's going to be a while. I did have a craving for the first time for a crock pot stew with meat and veggies last week, I haven't eaten meat since he passed. Crock pot at least I can fill up turn it on and leave it cooking all day and freeze portions of stew. I'll get there one day. And so will you, I know you will. The walking, more food, no reason you shouldn't get some strength back and keep getting off that couch.

[Boggled]

4 hours ago, LostThomas said:

Music has been so hard as well.   Just too emotional. 

In early days for me, best music I found was "Goldberg Variations" by J.S. Bach, because, at least to me, it was not emotional, and for some reason it helped.

[Gail 8588]

Lost Thomas, 

I really think setting off the smoke alarm 4 times is really a result of brain fog, and that really does clear up with some time. 

For now, setting a timer alarm when you have something cooking is a good safety net. 

In my first 6 months to 1 year, I had so many of these brain glitches I wondered if I could continue living alone.  I locked my keys in the car 6 times in 5 months, each time calling AAA to come open my car. On the 6th call, the AAA girl advised me that I had now used up all of my free lock out calls for this contract period, but my renewal date was coming up in 6 weeks, so I should try to not lock myself out again until my new batch of free lockouts would be available. 

I was forever losing my eyeglasses or the dog's leash, forgetting to take my medications, getting lost.  It was very discouraging.

For me, this brain fog related to daily living did get better by the end of my first year.  I did still have brain fog issues regarding lack of concentration, and an inability to see how I could have a meaningful life without my husband.  That was a much longer process. But forgetting to turn off the stove was not an issue after the first 6 months or so.

Just wanted to give you some hope that these absent minded glitches do improve with time. At least they did for me.  Since those early 6 car lock outs, I have only locked my keys in the car one time in the following 5 years. 

Be patient with yourself.

Gail

 

[RichS]

8 hours ago, LostThomas said:

Cooking by myself has been a ridiculous challenge.   I was a helper with Mitzi and I don't know much, except for scrambled eggs, hash brown potatoes, toast and apples. 

I fell into your category after Chris died. She did most of the cooking. After that, I said now what? I've got three people who need to get fed dinner (breakfast and lunch we can handle individually). Then, several months ago, I ran into a quote which I found encouraging: "IF YOU CAN READ INSTRUCTIONS, YOU CAN COOK." That helped turn the corner for me. Now I can prepare simple meals. I'm not trying to work my way up to Master Chef, I'm just trying to survive.

[KayC]

Wow, Gail, I didn't know they had a limit on car lockouts!  Should make a special plan for grievers.  I've only done that once in my life (after George died...I was at work in the city, fortunately, they'd probably takes days coming out here!).

I'm glad it slowed down for you.  But truly our brains seem to go out the window when we're grieving!  At least for a time, and some of it perhaps gone for good, or so it seems.

We had traditional roles, George did anything mechanical or heavy, he mowed the lawn, handled the snow, gardening, I did the dishes and laundry and cooking and paying bills.  So now I struggle with the shoveling snow, forewent the gardening, and hired the lawn care done, although I did it in the earlier years, my hand injuries and trying to keep the lawnmower running proved too much...worth it to hire it done.  Hauling wood now on my plate too.  (When George was alive we had a different heating system but alas it quit early on...$ wasted.)

I can cook but attentiveness I have to work on, hence the horrific severe 2nd degree burns I got all over my hand just over three months ago...it took two months to heal and left me with permanent nerve damage and pain.  I've gotten used to the pain but can no longer pick up a pill with my forefinger and thumb.  I can't afford any more such mishaps!  So I relate to you, Thomas...turning 70 has proved my limit.  I no longer answer the phone if I'm cooking!

[Jemiga70]

@LostThomas You're not alone on this.  I feel much older in my mind but luckily my body is still good.  Ive had plenty of so called brain glitches the past nearly 2 yrs.  Seems shock/grief rewires the brain. Only left the burner on once.  I still forget about food I made and stored in the freezer.  Sometimes I forget what Ive told someone or forget what they've told me.  I only began reading books again a few months ago because before that  I couldn't concentrate enough to retain longer passages or ideas. It's not back to  100% but it's better than it was.

I'm 52. This alarms me but I can't fix it.

[KayC]

7 hours ago, Jemiga70 said:

I'm 52. This alarms me but I can't fix it.

That's the age I was when my George died, much too soon to be widowed, and you've been at this a couple of years already!

[RichS]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

That's the age I was when my George died, much too soon to be widowed

The reality is, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average age of a widow or widower in the U.S. is currently 59-years-old.

Honestly, this fact took me by surprise. I thought the age would be a little older.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, RichS said:

The reality is, according to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average age of a widow or widower in the U.S. is currently 59-years-old.

Honestly, this fact took me by surprise. I thought the age would be a little older.

My mom was 59 when my dad died.  She lived to 92.  I know a lot of widows who are much older when their husbands died, 70s and 80s.  Guess we don't fit the census around here!