Neverending loop..

[alexakay]

It's been 3 months since my boyfriend of 4 years passed away and the grief has gotten worse.. I'm constantly sad. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing brings me joy. No matter what I do, he's on my mind all day. I can't stop thinking about the fact that all our moments together are now memories.. I miss his goofy self always making me laugh.. I miss his touch.. its so hard accepting the fact I'm never ever ever gonna feel him again.. hear his heartbeat. Feel the warmth of his body. I've been crying every single day since November 28th.. I can't even listen to music without bawling my eyes out.. also, his family has decided to turn on me so that doesn't make the situation any better to say the least.. I just really want my bestfriend back.. I've been so alone since he's been gone, nothing feels real. I miss who I was before all of this. I miss my life with him here. 

[KayC]

Grief is the hardest thing in the world. No easy way to find yourself through it.  I am so sorry, all t he pain, tears, and missing him beyond belief.  I'm glad you're able to let some of it out, not good to bottle it up.  I am so sorry his family is turned on you, it seems that happens a lot, I don't know why.  My George would be shocked to know I don't hear from his family, it's been 18 years....oh, one brother wanted his coin collection "for his son" and I told him if he still HAD the coin collection he had his own son and stepson to think of, but I have a hospital bill he can remember him by!  Never heard from him again, which is fine. He's what George called "Doing prison on the payment plan" (in and out, in and out...) And his dad didn't bother attending his funeral, even though offered rides, called a year later badmouthing George (no grounds, just talking trash) and I reminded him how good he was to him and told him to call back when he had something nice to say about him and hung up.  Never heard from the old man again.  I know George cared about him and his eternal destination but I figured he'd have to do it without me, he never responded to George's caring.  A few years later he died.  He was the worst father in the world.  Horrid.

I wish his family was lovey dovey towards you, sometimes that's not how they are though and I wonder if we're better off.  I have a good relationship with his daughter albeit long distance (clear across the country) but never hear from his son and I gave up trying after a few years.

(((hugs))) I know what it is to want your best friend back.

 

[alexakay]

42 minutes ago, KayC said:

Grief is the hardest thing in the world. No easy way to find yourself through it.  I am so sorry, all t he pain, tears, and missing him beyond belief.  I'm glad you're able to let some of it out, not good to bottle it up.  I am so sorry his family is turned on you, it seems that happens a lot, I don't know why.  My George would be shocked to know I don't hear from his family, it's been 18 years....oh, one brother wanted his coin collection "for his son" and I told him if he still HAD the coin collection he had his own son and stepson to think of, but I have a hospital bill he can remember him by!  Never heard from him again, which is fine. He's what George called "Doing prison on the payment plan" (in and out, in and out...) And his dad didn't bother attending his funeral, even though offered rides, called a year later badmouthing George (no grounds, just talking trash) and I reminded him how good he was to him and told him to call back when he had something nice to say about him and hung up.  Never heard from the old man again.  I know George cared about him and his eternal destination but I figured he'd have to do it without me, he never responded to George's caring.  A few years later he died.  He was the worst father in the world.  Horrid.

I wish his family was lovey dovey towards you, sometimes that's not how they are though and I wonder if we're better off.  I have a good relationship with his daughter albeit long distance (clear across the country) but never hear from his son and I gave up trying after a few years.

(((hugs))) I know what it is to want your best friend back.

 

Yeah we had a truck that we had built together, when I first met him we were riding 4wheelers everywhere. Then I posted an ad for 4 wheeler repairs and started our own little business. Well,  we had got a truck and fixed it all up. late nights, getting dirty, transmission fluid all in my hair from replacing the transmission with him. Helping him push it whenever something went wrong or ran out of gas. I was the one there helping him. Well he decided to put the title in his mom's name for safety reason I guess. Since he passed away she literally took it from me and is claiming that it is her truck. On top of losing him like that isn't enough. . They care about the truck now but when he was here they always told him it was a piece of crap.. they don't understand how much that truck means to me and I've never disrespected his family in any way and they are so unbelievably toxic I'm kind of glad I was forced to move out but I'm also sad cause i felt connected to him there since that's where we shared our everyday life... 

[KayC]

I am so sorry his family is acting like that...it could be his mom's way of drawing close to him now that he's gone but she'd not thinking of what it meant to you.  You two were a COUPLE!  You SHARED in this!  I'm so sorry.

[DWS]

My heart goes out to you on such a tremendous loss in your life. Everything you've expressed resonates so well to many of us here. It just seems so surreal to have our person taken from us while love remains. It's like we now carry and honour that relationship all on our own. 

And I'm so sorry to hear that your boyfriend's family has turned on you. I have read that happening from others here and it continually bewilders me to no end. By shutting you out, his family now has lost the one true remaining connection to his heart and soul. Maybe at some point, someone there will become aware of how valuable you are to their grieving. 

[movingon]

@LostThomasThomas ! What a beautiful moment a complete stranger shared with you. Yes, it opened all the wounds afresh but maybe God IS listening and empathy found you..from a complete stranger...but empathy none the less. You are being heard. 

[Gail 8588]

Lost Thomas,

I also think that was an incredible experience in Office Max.  Somehow she saw your pain. 

One of the hard things about grief for me was that I felt so completely broken and yet I looked okay.  I wished people could see that I was ripped in half and struggling do anything at all.   

The woman in Office Max saw that somehow.

Gail

[KayC]

Thomas, wow, beautiful experience!  And no, no one here will tell either of you to stop crying.

[RichS]

20 hours ago, LostThomas said:

That was pretty obvious in Office Max today.   Nothing feels real to me either...but it was today.   

An angel visited you from heaven. Either that, or God designated someone to say that to you. I'm sure in our lifetimes we said or did something to comfort some stranger when they needed it the most. We walked away and never knew what a difference we made! To help you remember that experience always, I'd print out what you wrote and keep it handy around your house for when you're having an especially bad day OR........for the weekends, which you hate. It will help to remind you that you'll get through this.

[DancesWithWolves]

On 3/4/2023 at 5:07 AM, alexakay said:

It's been 3 months since my boyfriend of 4 years passed away and the grief has gotten worse.. I'm constantly sad. Nothing makes me happy. Nothing brings me joy. No matter what I do, he's on my mind all day. I can't stop thinking about the fact that all our moments together are now memories.. I miss his goofy self always making me laugh.. I miss his touch.. its so hard accepting the fact I'm never ever ever gonna feel him again.. hear his heartbeat. Feel the warmth of his body. I've been crying every single day since November 28th.. I can't even listen to music without bawling my eyes out.. also, his family has decided to turn on me so that doesn't make the situation any better to say the least.. I just really want my bestfriend back.. I've been so alone since he's been gone, nothing feels real. I miss who I was before all of this. I miss my life with him here. 

When I read your message, I knew I wanted to try this site...so thank you.  What you wrote about your relationship and finding out about his family's treatment of you really hit close to home for me.  I am only a month in, so I can't really offer any advice.  I just wanted to thank you for letting me know that I am not alone.  I hope that I can return the favor one day.