my lovely dad

[julesvern]

Hi all just came across this site and thought id join and see if it helps me in any way.we lost my lovely dad suddenly on 24/11/2011 he went to bed on the wed and poor mum found him the morning after in bed he was only 64 and hadnt been ill.The last 4 weeks have been a mix of laughter and tears i feel somedays are really hard to cope with,im trying to be strong for my mum and my kids but sometimes its just so hard.We got through xmas day on auto pilot but yesterday i cried all day non stop.I have days when i think im "ok" but then the knotts start in my stomach and awful palpitaions i really feel as though im going insane and will never feel right again ,i know it will take time and that my feelings are normal but im either mega high or mega low .I cant accept that he has gone so suddenly no time to say goodbye nothing ,sometimes my heart feels it will break .I feel as though i have to put a brave face on as when people say how are you i dont want to appear negative all the time .Some nights i hardly sleep getting up at 4 am just hoping its all been a dream ,i have never ever felt such desperation in wanting someone back knowing it will never happen .

[ModKonnie]

Hi all just came across this site and thought id join and see if it helps me in any way.we lost my lovely dad suddenly on 24/11/2011 he went to bed on the wed and poor mum found him the morning after in bed he was only 64 and hadnt been ill.The last 4 weeks have been a mix of laughter and tears i feel somedays are really hard to cope with,im trying to be strong for my mum and my kids but sometimes its just so hard.We got through xmas day on auto pilot but yesterday i cried all day non stop.I have days when i think im "ok" but then the knotts start in my stomach and awful palpitaions i really feel as though im going insane and will never feel right again ,i know it will take time and that my feelings are normal but im either mega high or mega low .I cant accept that he has gone so suddenly no time to say goodbye nothing ,sometimes my heart feels it will break .I feel as though i have to put a brave face on as when people say how are you i dont want to appear negative all the time .Some nights i hardly sleep getting up at 4 am just hoping its all been a dream ,i have never ever felt such desperation in wanting someone back knowing it will never happen .

Julesvern,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I lost my father two years ago. It is okay that you break down and cry; you don't have to put on a brave face because people should understand. The desperation to talk to him will fade and then at times come back sharply; I talk to my dad all the time even though I know he can't respond. I picture him sitting in his favorite chair listening to me.

The knotts and sick stomach will also eventually fade. At first, I could only barely manage to get down a sip or two of those supplemental nutritional drinks, like Ensure. Food made me ill for weeks, but I choked it down. I never slept at night, and then I was always tired and down. It does get better, though. Try not to drink too many beverages with caffeine; that only makes the weird dreams and fitful sleep worse.

Of course your heart feels like it is actually breaking, the pain can be awful and piercing. Deep and slow breathing helps somewhat, as does taking walks if you can.

How is the rest of your family doing? We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

[julesvern]

Julesvern,

I am sorry to hear about the loss of your dad. I lost my father two years ago. It is okay that you break down and cry; you don't have to put on a brave face because people should understand. The desperation to talk to him will fade and then at times come back sharply; I talk to my dad all the time even though I know he can't respond. I picture him sitting in his favorite chair listening to me.

The knotts and sick stomach will also eventually fade. At first, I could only barely manage to get down a sip or two of those supplemental nutritional drinks, like Ensure. Food made me ill for weeks, but I choked it down. I never slept at night, and then I was always tired and down. It does get better, though. Try not to drink too many beverages with caffeine; that only makes the weird dreams and fitful sleep worse.

Of course your heart feels like it is actually breaking, the pain can be awful and piercing. Deep and slow breathing helps somewhat, as does taking walks if you can.

How is the rest of your family doing? We will be here for you,

ModKonnie

Ah thank you for your kind words its comforting to know that these feelings are normal and im not going mad ,my mum and sister are both also on autopilot they dont get as visually upset as me but like me have good days and bad.My sons took it badly the eldest seems to be coping ok now (he is 17) but my youngest(13) found it very difficult he still gets teary sometimes if i talk about dad which i do every day but ive told them its ok to laugh and cry and in time we'll hopefully feel bit better .I think the shock of it all takes a long time to adjust to ,although for dad it was a lovely peace ful way to go ,in his sleep but a terrible shock for everyone else,im glad i found this site as i can express myself without having to try and talk to someone,its somehow a little easier.julesvern .

[frank]

Ah thank you for your kind words its comforting to know that these feelings are normal and im not going mad ,my mum and sister are both also on autopilot they dont get as visually upset as me but like me have good days and bad.My sons took it badly the eldest seems to be coping ok now (he is 17) but my youngest(13) found it very difficult he still gets teary sometimes if i talk about dad which i do every day but ive told them its ok to laugh and cry and in time we'll hopefully feel bit better .I think the shock of it all takes a long time to adjust to ,although for dad it was a lovely peace ful way to go ,in his sleep but a terrible shock for everyone else,im glad i found this site as i can express myself without having to try and talk to someone,its somehow a little easier.julesvern .

Julesvern:

All of us here on this forum are sympathetic to your pain - since we are all grieving the void left in our hearts by the passing of our loved ones - it is easy to comprehend what you are going through. At times the grief will overwhelm you. I still undergo panic attacks on a daily basis and it is a tremendous struggle to get up and try and get through the day.

Just try and get through it day by day. We're all here to lean on each other.