I love you just the way you are

[DWS]

While out driving yesterday, I thought about the similar driving habits Tom and I shared. We were both what one would call cautious drivers...Tom a little bit more than me...certainly not aggressive or daring. It was a relief that he shared my same avoidance of left hand turns whenever possible...particularly off of busy streets. He never once would question me why I would choose to drive up to an intersection, pull into a left hand turn lane, make the turn there then backtrack a couple of blocks so I could make a righthand turn into my destination.

Come to think of it, he rarely, if ever, would question some of my peculiarities and quirks. He learned quickly that I compost the coffee grounds and that I chop up the banana peels because they compost quicker. He learned of my healthier eating habits, that I have a disco ball hanging in one of my rooms, and that I wear two pairs of socks in the wintertime. He never kidded me about these things or ridicule them. He accepted my strangeness...my unique qualities...and I did the same with him. Actually, I enjoyed finding those hidden quirks of his. They helped bond us. He loved me just the way I am and I did the same.

For all of us here who have had someone like that taken from us, you bet we're going to grieve and for a long time. 

[Ronni_W]

6 hours ago, DWS said:

For all of us here who have had someone like that taken from us, you bet we're going to grieve and for a long time. 

Hi, dear DWS,

"Strangely, weirdly, coincidentally, synchronistically"... I was grocery shopping yesterday, and that song came over the song-playing thing in the store -

- "I love you just the way you are".  And I thought to myself, I really did love him just the way he was; and, even more important than that, I hope that he knew and felt that I did. Hopefully, hopefully and keeping my fingers crossed, that he did know and feel that I loved him just the way he was.

Then, also yesterday, I came across an online article "64 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Grief".  Haven't read all of them yet, but, "Major losses, and grief, change you permanently; and you are never the same after." (#63). I'm still processing it, but it's already kinda helping me to realize -- and accept -- that I won't stop missing him and grieving for him. And I do not have to; no matter what anyone else thinks, believes or says about that. (My 'levels' of grief will come and go; sometimes more powerful or even overwhelming, sometimes way more subtle or in the background...but, and it's okay that, it will never completely vanish.)

Loving and comforting hugs to you, and to all.     Ronni

[DWS]

3 hours ago, Ronni_W said:

"Strangely, weirdly, coincidentally, synchronistically"... I was grocery shopping yesterday, and that song came over the song-playing thing in the store -

- "I love you just the way you are". 

Interesting to hear. The song entered my mind around 12:15pm yesterday while I was driving. Was that at all close to when you were grocery shopping?  Come to think of it, that was about the time that Tom would always arrive for the weekend. 

[Ronni_W]

29 minutes ago, DWS said:

Interesting to hear. The song entered my mind around 12:15pm yesterday while I was driving. Was that at all close to when you were grocery shopping?  Come to think of it, that was about the time that Tom would always arrive for the weekend. 

Um. The clock-time thing. Also plays a quite significant part in how my life's going these days. (\When I journal, I most often also record the time.) With Ray and I, we had a special thing about the "five-fives" -- so every effin' hour, on the ":55", if I happen to look up at the clock -- which I happen to do often enough -- then it's just another reminder / sometimes 'trigger'. Then also at 3:19 -- whether AM or PM (NFL football-related; not biblical).  After over 2 years, I'm finally starting to be able to just wave (at the clock), and go, "Hiya". (On the "five-fives" and at the 3:19s.)

But and so. I was able to go back and check my yesterday. Around 12:15PM I was doing something else...but what I was doing is the thing that "inspired" me to thinking that I ought to go grocery shopping. So, no, that's not when I was actually in the grocery store; but, yes, that is around when I started thinking about being in the grocery store.

(Words, words and more words ...) ...so that I was there at the time of that song being played, also other "coincidences and synchronicities" were involved. (I was only in there for about 15 minutes, so, even if the music cycle is on a 'loop', other stuff around my exact timing of being in there, still leaves it open for all kinds of "interpretations", depending on one's bents and leanings.)

Tom arrived around 12:15PM on a Friday, did he? (More or less, most of the time?) If you feel up to it, feel free to post here about it, or to message me.

Hugs, Ronni

[movingon]

4 hours ago, LostThomas said:

But the socks...that's the one thing of many of her belongings that has a special significance.   

John never liked when I stole his special winter ski socks, I was always stealing his socks. When he passed I put his best ski socks on his feet and cut a piece of my hair and tied it up and placed it in his hand so that he would be cremated with a part of me. I'm now wearing all his winter socks and ski longjohns. Shame his summer clothes are too big for me....

[AJ4]

I loved that I never had to explain or justify my food weirdness to my husband.  I was raised by a family where the rule was you ate everything and didn't say you didn't like it.  My husband was not like that. He wouldn't eat it if he didn't like it and he understood my food hates too.

[AJ4]

Maud, I was always wearing clothes from his wardrobe even if they were big - if I hadn't seen him wear something for a while I'd say " can I steal this" and he'd say sure..  I still am moving things from his closet to mine.

[movingon]

I love that  ! 

42 minutes ago, AJ4 said:

moving things from his closet to mine.

 

[I miss you so much]

I remember him opening the green case where he kept his glasses and searching for one of his books (Camus, Kafka...) His sensitivity, his will to learn has always melted me.