My mom is bed bound, in a diaper, can't stand or walk, due to a hemorrhagic cerebellum stroke, December 20, 2021 .

[Debster]

I am all alone in this because the 2 family members I have who are alive, my sister and cousin,  chose to abandon me because I was and still am so emotional. My mom, 84,  is fully aware of what is going on, which is a blessing for me and also devastating after being 100% independant for the last 30 years. I see her all the time and we are blessed to have a 24/7 caretaker. I love being with her and we are getting closer each day. However, I experience trauma everytime I see her in bed, or throwing up or her/myself having the realization that she has lost the simple things she always loved: walking to Whole Foods, Reading books and eating without coughing and/or throwing up. I am so afraid of being without her. This all happened in a flash. The night before, she had walked to WF for dinner and we had a 2 hour conversation on the phone. The next morning her life and my life were changed forever when she had the stroke. I am in a complex trauma group and working on a lot of my 56 years of distress due to a dysfunctional family environment and so much more. This has been the icing on the cake of my worst nightmare, having something tragic happen to my mom. I wanted to find a grief therapist or group to also focus only on this trauma, my mom's condition/my pain and struggles, so thank you for letting me share.