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Absent grief


Sonofanangel

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Sonofanangel

Hello, new here so this is my first post, not sure how many will see it if any but I was wondering if anyone ever questions if they grieved enough of if they have decided they have finished grieving? I ask as personally I don’t feel I’ve grieved enough for the death of my mother. I was a wreck the day she died, was in total shock and felt heartbroken and I still feel this way but not as strongly as I did. This was my mother, why don’t I cry?

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Grief is very complex, even at a chemical level within our bodies. Not crying does not mean that you did not care.

I doubt I will ever be completely over the death of my parents, but human beings are resilient. Bills still need to be paid, and boring errands done. I don't want to be ruled by misery forever, and I know my parents wouldn't want that for me; I doubt your mother would want that for you.

I lost my siblings earlier, and from that experience I can tell you I didn't really cry much the first few years. Occasionally now though the sense of loss will sneak up on me, especially leading up to major life events that I would've wanted them there for, and when I'd have some memory triggered by a scent or sight. Someone who lost her husband very young told me there's two griefs - the immediate loss, and their absence from your life. The second one is the harder to overcome as you encounter reminders that they are gone from your life and will not be seen again (this depends on your religious beliefs about the afterlife, if any, of course).

Don't be surprised if you don't feel a lot day to day, but out of the blue something will remind you and upset you. You'll start to know certain things that might trigger those feelings, and be able to choose to avoid at least some of them, or you can seek them out if you want to really feel your feelings that day, as a sort of reassurance.

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