It doesn't get easier

[Twoplusfour]

Hi, just joined and wanted to introduce myself. I'm a mum, wife and feel like a lost little girl. I lost my dad to Vascular dementia Feb 22 and over the past year I can honestly say it's got no easier 😢

I re play his final weeks over and over again in my head, I'm exhausted. I function daily as I have young children but Im not happy, I'm sad, I have changed so much. I'm awaiting counselling and I'm actually excited to go, I want to talk, talk about him, the good bits, happy memories but also the end, it's swirling in my head constantly and I need to let it out. My husband is good in the moment but he quickly carries on into normal life and seems to think if I'm not sat sobbing I'm OK 🙄

Sorry for rambling, I just needed to vent to others who understand xx

[MoVo]

Hi Twoplusfour. I just joined a few minutes ago. I lost my mom at the end of August, and I lost my dad at the end of this year. I am so sorry for what you are going through. My parents were both amazing humans, and I am also having a hard time dealing and coping.  I have moments of distractions- sometimes even a whole day, but as soon as I am alone with my thoughts I picture them and miss them. I feel guilty when I am having a good time at one of my distractions, and sometimes I cry for hours. 

I have an amazing therapist, but she does not take insurance. I was going to her weekly, but have not been in awhile because it is so expensive. I am in the US (I am guessing that you are not because you used the term "mum". I hope that therapy will help you. 

I just wanted to reach out and say hello. 

[Lori Thomas]

On 2/26/2023 at 5:42 PM, MoVo said:

Hi Twoplusfour. I just joined a few minutes ago. I lost my mom at the end of August, and I lost my dad at the end of this year. I am so sorry for what you are going through. My parents were both amazing humans, and I am also having a hard time dealing and coping.  I have moments of distractions- sometimes even a whole day, but as soon as I am alone with my thoughts I picture them and miss them. I feel guilty when I am having a good time at one of my distractions, and sometimes I cry for hours. 

I have an amazing therapist, but she does not take insurance. I was going to her weekly, but have not been in awhile because it is so expensive. I am in the US (I am guessing that you are not because you used the term "mum". I hope that therapy will help you. 

I just wanted to reach out and say hello. 

[Lori Thomas]

Hello,

I lost my mother on November 27, 2022.  She was courageous in life and in her leaving this life.  Nonetheless, I miss her everyday and I talk to her all the time.  My husband is a good source of support as is my Bereavement Counselor at Gentiva.  I speak to her twice a month and she directed me to journal out my feelings, which as a therapist, I would have told my clients.  I was the contact person for my mothers business  and healthcare needs.  She trusted me and chose me out of 5 children but it was daunting.  I think what comforts me the most is knowing that she is with God and is no longer experiencing loss of independence.  That was so hard for her and she hated needing to depend on caregivers or anyone.  She was never in pain, she slipped away in her sleep after moving into Assisted Living in September, starting Hospice on November 1st.  I think that if you think that you parents are okay, on the other side, it helps.  My mom would be so upset with me if I no longer enjoyed the life I have been given.  She would tell me to stop brooding.  I am trying!!!

[MsMo]

Hello 

I also just joined a few minutes ago.  I lost my mom to cancer just over a month ago and its still so unreal.  I have not a decent sleep in weeks, I'm exhausted and like you TwoPlusFour, I can't seem to get her final weeks out of my mind, my brain only goes back to the time she spent in hospital, sick and frail.  My brain keeps replaying every moment, I can't stop. I'm seeing a therapist and while it helps to talks through things, I still don't now whether I'm coming or going.  My mother too would not want me stuck in this place but I don't know how to move.  I have a son that I take care of and have to be okay for but I'm struggling.  I'm 40 but also feel like a lost little girl sometimes.  Does anyone here have a remedy/technique for dealing with this insomnia? For dealing with all of this really... 

[Twoplusfour]

I'm so sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I'm so sorry for your losses 😢

I am 40 also and the youngest of his 6 children (3 marriages) he was a right one in his day 😂

I was the only one who stepped up and was heavily involved in every aspect of his life. The last 6 years more so, arranging care packages, finances, appointments etc. 

I have no idea what to advise for insomnia as luckily I've never dealt with it, unfortunately it's the opposite for me and I feel like I could sleep forever. I just feel so exhausted, angry, sad, all the time. I have my first counselling session on Monday and I'm praying It will help. 

I hope you are both ok and managing to smile sometimes xxx

[saraiee]

On 3/7/2023 at 3:14 PM, MsMo said:

Hello 

I also just joined a few minutes ago.  I lost my mom to cancer just over a month ago and its still so unreal.  I have not a decent sleep in weeks, I'm exhausted and like you TwoPlusFour, I can't seem to get her final weeks out of my mind, my brain only goes back to the time she spent in hospital, sick and frail.  My brain keeps replaying every moment, I can't stop. I'm seeing a therapist and while it helps to talks through things, I still don't now whether I'm coming or going.  My mother too would not want me stuck in this place but I don't know how to move.  I have a son that I take care of and have to be okay for but I'm struggling.  I'm 40 but also feel like a lost little girl sometimes.  Does anyone here have a remedy/technique for dealing with this insomnia? For dealing with all of this really... 

Hi dear

I lost my mother 5 days ago. I have the same insomnia. I think the best thing that we can do is to exhaust ourselves physically and then go to bed. Maybe it helps to fall asleep before all kinds of thoughts come to us.