I wont be able to forgive myself...

[Colin M.]

They say don't run or jump in the house, and they were right. This sad story is a good example as to why you shouldn't.

I had a cat named Lily and she passed away due to my foolishness. I was getting ready to cook ramen and left the water boiling for what I thought was a few minutes. Five minutes later I realized I left the water boiling unsupervised and I started running like crazy. My cat lily popped out of her litterbox and I knew I couldn't stop myself in time so I resorted to an attempt to jump over her. But I failed to do so, and it cost my cat her life. She was bleeding out all over the kitchen. About fifteen minutes after my stepdad left with her to the animal hospital to have her put down my brother came for a visit before he had to leave for an internship at Disney World and the minute I opened the door I had a meltdown. I cried for 30 prolonged minutes because of how much it hurt. My brother hugged me, my stepdad hugged me, and my when my mother came home from work early she hugged me and brought me to my room to help calm me down. I had Lily for thirteen years, I was seconds away from punching a glass door in anger, guilt, and sadness before my brother got here. I loved that cat so much and I am positive that I'll never be able to forgive myself because of it. This happened on June 29th of 2022 and I'm still suffering because of it. 

This is a picture of her doing a trick I taught her a few months before the accident. 

[catawampus]

Hi Colin,

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I fully understand the pain, grief and guilt you're experiencing. More than once I've accidentally run into one of my kitties because I was in a hurry. Nearly fallen on them as well. It was a terrible, tragic accident that happened and although the guilt and grief you're feeling is inevitable with such a terribly sad and horrible event, please try to forgive yourself. It was simply one of those times that in hindsight "could have been avoided" (would've, should've, could've) but in the exact moment there was no possible way you could have known.  It was just a terrible, tragic, awful accident. 

Although the losses I've experienced with my little ones is different, the guilt and regret was just as deep and unrelenting. So many things I would have done differently, should have done differently. If only I could go back and make different decisions. 

What helped me through the worst of it were online pet loss forums where you can chat with people currently going through such loss. I doubt I could have mustered the strength to go through it otherwise. 

Your kitty is so beautiful and sweet looking. Clearly she was loved and had  a wonderful life with you. Go easy on yourself. Grieve for her, cry as often as you need, take time to heal and know that in time it does get easier even if right now it feels as though you will never get through it. We are here to listen and we care because we have all been through it. 

Take care of yourself,

Biscuit's Dad

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss!  It must have been a truly horrific experience...I'm glad you had someone there to take her to the vet.  
Your picture of your cat is adorable, and I can see why you miss her so much, she clearly loves you...I say this in present not past because I believe they continue in that next place and our love continues as well.  Her forgiveness is immediate, our animals know we would never mean to hurt them.
I hope these articles are of help to you as you continue to go through this...

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

 

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

[Sheila With Love]

I am so sorry to hear of the tragic loss of your beloved cat!!!  I send hugs and love to you!!!

I write poetry and create videos as the one above that will hopefully give you a small bit of comfort!! I have lost several pets and still feel teardrops of the heart when I think about them!!!

[foreverhis]

@Colin M. I urge you to listen to catawampus and KayC. They’ve both written truths that it takes time to understand. But they are truths. It was a tragic accident.

Recently, my young newly adopted cat decided it would be fun to fly in front of me while I was walking into the bedroom. She’s quick and stealthy. Before I even realized she was there, I stepped forward at my usual pace and ended up basically kicking her in the process. She kind of skidded forward on her side. She wasn’t injured, but I felt horrible about it. I checked her over while saying, “I’m sorry, sweetie” over and over, even though I didn’t do anything wrong.

You couldn’t have foreseen what would happen. I realize our words will not ease your grief and guilt right now, but I hope that hearing from others who understand will help in time.