Members logansmom Posted January 18, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 18, 2008 I never knew a forum like this existed. I am approaching the year mark of my sons accident. I am stumbling for words because this is the first time I have mentioned my story. My three sons were in a car accident on February 24, 2007. My 18 yr old was driving. My 12 year old twins were passengers. While I am so grateful for the two that survived. I think I am just now realizing I no longer have Logan. I have been so busy keeping my mind on the positive, trying to help my other two to recover that now that they are "ok" and "will be fine", I think it's just hit me- I don't use the "d" word. It just doesn't seem real. MOMOF4- I read your entry and was jolted by the similarities. How do we do this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wyomingsal Posted January 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2008 I am so sorry that you need to be here on this forum. I too know the heart break of losing a son. I lost my Joshua last July in a swimming accident. He would have been 11 last September and was my oldest. I also have been working on helping my l/c cope with such a tragedy. We are here and understand what you are going through if you want to come and talk.Sal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members logansmom Posted January 19, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2008 Logan and Christian were to be 13 in September. It was Chrisitan's first birthday by himself. My oldest son's name is Joshua. I always believe that was a strong leader name. I am so sorry for you too. What is his story? I hate this position that we are in. Not to be too nosey but I notice you signed is "Sal". My name is Sally. I was just curious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mikesmum Posted January 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2008 Logansmom - Losing child is something no one can prepare you for nor offer you a magical answer to ease the pain.To have your other sons involved in the accident serves only to compound the loss.Here there are many who have lost so much. Each story is individual but the loss and the journey are similar. Visit as you need, post as you can. I truly believe this is a place where you can find complete understanding, support and care. Even just reading through the many many stories can sometimes bring some answers where once there were none.Blessed be......Trudi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wyomingsal Posted January 19, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 19, 2008 Joshua's birthday was Sept. 26, 1996. When in September was Logan's birthday? Josh and Micah his brother had gone down to a little spillway that the kids play in. Usually it is very calm and the kids slide down a little slide. I had been down to check the place out before I ever let the kids go there. Apparently the water was high. We don't know if they had released water from a reservoir or something. It was a nice sunny day. I don't know for sure what happened. Joshua had run ahead of Micah so he wasn't there yet when Johua went into the water. The witnesses have changing stories. I don't know if Joshua jumped in, or was dared or pushed. At any rate we think he hit his head and was knocked out because when my son Micah arrived a few moments later, he saw Joshua's feet sticking up and then saw him floating down toward the river. He thought he was already dead because his eyes were closed and he wasn't struggling. I think he must have been unconscious at that point. Micah screamed for the friends to go get help and then he tried to get down to the creek to try to save Joshua. By the time he got down to the water, Joshua was gone..out of sight. It wasn't until after dark that the coroner came and told us they had found his body way down the river. I am glad found him that night so I didn't have to wonder all night. It was the worst day in the life of our family. It still hurts everyday to know he isn't here with me. I miss him so much. A part of me has been ripped away. I believe he is happy in eternity. I can't wait to join him when it is my time. And yes my name is Sally Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members logansmom Posted January 23, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 Christian and Logan's birthday is September 14, 1994. It tears my heart to pieces to hear stories of kids losing their lives. I honestly did not realize there were so many. I really thought we heard of the tragedies on the news. It stuns me when accidents like yours and mine and everyones on here- you think it could never happen to your family. Everyone always told me I was too protective over my kids. I didn't think I was overprotective, I just loved them and wanted the best for them all the time. Their father and I had just divorced (after almost 20 yrs.) not even a year before and the boys didn't like going to visitation on the weekends. We had just got settled into a new home and new neighborhood. But their dad insisted that they spend time with him and his new girlfriend. The boys didn't want to stay in the house with her and her problems so they spent the night with his mother. LIke I said, they all harassed me about being protective. I would have never put my 18 yr old in a position of driving into a small city with 12 yr old twins. but she did. Logan didn't want to go because the weather was bad. There were tornado warnings out but he didn't want to be a baby. Wanted to be big and brave. They had no business being on a 4 lane in traffic in bad weather. Zachary was driving and hit water gushing over the road and hydroplaned into a utility van. It hit on Logans side. Both adults in the van were killed. Zachary was hurt really bad. He had a severed artery in his leg with mulitple breaks, his arm had multiple breaks. His pelvis was broken on both sides. Logan had taken on the impact. Bad bad head injuries. Broken arm, lacerated liver, punctured spleen, bruised heart, something about his pancreas, just so much I can't even remember. But with a small city you have small hospitals. They couldn't treat him. Meanwhile, Christian was in the back seat and yes all the boys had seat belts on thank God for that. He had cut his head, mutiple flesh wounds but he would be fine. But then again he had to see his brothers so hurt. And he had to watch helplessly while they cut Logan out with the Jaws of life. The weather was so bad no helicopters could fly. so they had to be transferred an hour and a half away. They told us Logan would not make it. But I chose to send him anyway. I wanted them to save him. We got to that hospital and they did emergency surgery on both boys saving both their lives. But they couldnt keep them, They needed even more help so we went on to St Louis Childrens Hospital. It was long and hard. Logan fought for 5 weeks. He died March 28, 2007. Zachary has come a long way. He and Logan had many surgeries. But Zac started college in August. in his wheelchair. Now 10 months later, he walks with just a cane. But poor Christian. Here he is. How does your son cope with being there or just losing his brother? Christian has not slept in their room since. He finally goes back in there now to play his video games but thats it. I really dont know how to help him. He seems fine but.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members wyomingsal Posted January 24, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 24, 2008 It is so hard as a mom to know how best to help your living children deal with such a huge loss when we are struggling to deal with it ourselves. We were lucky to have our pastors present with us most of the day after the accident ministering Micah and the rest of the family. I made it a point to let Micah know it wasn't his fault and we were proud of all he did try to do. We were also proud that he didn't jump in after because we didn't want to lose them both. I told him it is ok to talk about, cry about, or not talk about how he is feeling. It is ok to be happy and play also. I have been very open about my own grief and that it is ok to be sad. He doesn't have to try to pretend it didn't happen for fear of making me sad. We did get him into counseling and he was put on prozac for some depression. We let him participate in ideas for remembering Joshua and had him as a pall bearer at the funeral. I read the book 90 Minutes in Heaven to him and we talked about where we believe Joshua is and that he is happy but we still miss him. We made a memory box and the kids decorated it with stickers that reminded them of Joshua. Micah has Joshua's blanket that he sleeps with. When he is sad, I let him talk and I hug him. He is 9 and still open to talking. It might be harder with a 12 year old. We also go to a children's grief group put on by our local hospice. You might want to look into a group for grieving children. If he doesn't want to go ask him to "humor you." I don't know if that helps at all. It must be even more hard for your Christian to lose his identity as a twin. It is another demension to his loss we didn't have to deal with. I gave Micah a journal and told him when he has bad thoughts/memory replays of the horrible event/terrible saddness that he can draw or write to get some feelings out so they dont overwhelm him. Those are some of the things we have done. Mostly it takes a lot of time and love. Christian will never be the same just as we are never the same after we lose our child. This experience and loss will influence the person he becomes. Hopefully with lots of love and encouragement he will be able to use what he learns from his loss to become and amazing and caring young man. Hugs Sal Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members momof04 Posted February 3, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 3, 2008 logansmom, Oh My God is all I can say. It is so scarry how simular the situations are. The tears are just flowing down my face. ((((((((((((((hug))))))))) I too am struggling with how to deal with the other kids. They are all so differnt and deal with it differnt. I am so glad your other sons are doing so well. I can only imagine what stuggles they went through to get as far as they have. I know your pain on the days when they didn't want to do it anymore and you pushed them to do it. All I can say to you is what everyone has said to me and I am sure you heard it many times. "You are a strong women and hange in there." My thoughts and prayes are with you. If you ever need a ear to talk to, I am here. I am here more then people know I just stay quit most of the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members logansmom Posted February 22, 2008 Author Members Report Share Posted February 22, 2008 I have two days to go to mark the year anniversary to the "accident". I'm not here to complain but my dad was just diagnosed with lung cancer and my 2 baby granddaughters are in the hospital - the 2 yr old with pneumonia and the 5 month old with RSV. I ask- how much more do I have to take?? But thats why I come here. Until I came to board- it felt like I was walking around and thinking "how can people act like normal when a 12 year old boy just died." I was like in a trance for months. I could go through the motions and look fine but inside I was crying constantly. Then I came here and seen all the moms and dads who lost their kids and it tore my heart to pieces but at the same time it made me realize he wasn't alone. Not that it makes it better, BUT I wasn't as angry leaving the site as I was when I arrived. I can't explain why this helped and I don't understand it but talking about it to people who know what you mean and knows the exact feelings you feel. It really does help. I will never ever get over losing Logan. I don't feel I will ever feel complete happiness again. But I don't feel as guilty over going through the day normally or laughing with Christian. I really felt like we were leaving him behind everytime we went through a day without him. I still feel he was so cheated. But I seen somewhere on this site where someone wrote Heaven must have needed a Hero. And thats the way I have to look at it. Someone must have needed him really really bad to have taken him away from the people who loved him so much. So I want to say thank you to the people who are here on this site. We really do all need each other in a strange sort of "wish I never had the need to be here" way. It's wonderful that we have a place like this and I can't imagine how I would have seen some light if not for this site. I wish you all peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members clovese40 Posted February 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 HELLO EVERYONE, MY NAME IS CHRISTINE AND I AM A CARE GIVER OF CANCER PATIENTS. EVERYTIME I LOSE A PATIENT, I TOO FEEL LIKE WE ARE LEAVING THEM BEHIND. I CRY OFTEN, BECAUSE IT RELIVES THE GRIEF THAT I FEEL. HOWEVER, TO GET ME THOUGH ANOTHER DAY, I ASK GOD TO HELP ME TO DO THE WILL THAT HE HAVE FOR ME. TO BLESS MY HANDS THAT I MAY HELP SOMEONE ELSE TODAY. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mamabets Posted February 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted February 23, 2008 For logansmom~ Jo Dee Messina sings "Heaven Was Needing A Hero" and I have the song, if you want for me to email it to you. I am at huntross4@aol.comHow much does one person have to take?? My God, the cruelties of life...What doesn't kill us makes us stronger??? Uh, not for this Mom..I am as weak as one can be, yet I do find that coming here and sharing this experience of mine has helped many people. Danny, my 25 year old son, left this Earth in June of 2004. His website is http://www.daniel-pallick.memory-of.com, and you will see many photos that I have been able to capture of his miracle signs that he leaves. Many hearts, other signs as well."Hello From Heaven" by Bill and Judy Guggenheim is a good book. It chronicles many stories from people who have lost, and the signs that their loved ones are happy are completely evident. I only know this from what the book, ironically enough wrote about, and I have experienced myself. There are many that are skeptical, and that is OK, but when my heart is breaking over and over and over again, and it often "tugs" like a gut feeling does, I have found it is because Danny is showing me something. The physical body leaves...The beauty and magic of who are kids are remains... I could never doubt him before- Why would I ever doubt him now?One of my dear friends that I "met" here a couple of years back went to visit her daughter not too long ago at the cemetary and this "heart" was there... Would be rather sad to think that it was anything else than what it is!! My prayers are with you. Please feel free to email me at any time.... I know and feel your pain....xoxoxoLOVEmamabets Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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