It's Been Almost a Year, But I Don't Wanna Forget Her

[a.erin]

My cat Pepper died last summer and for the first few weeks, I was gutted. I woke-up with that hollow feeling in my chest I'm sure most of us are familiar with, I slept with her favorite toy in my hand, I constantly saw her out of the corner of my eye or, even worse, would notice the empty spaces where she used to hang out: under the covers, by the front door. My favorite part of coming home from work every day was her greeting me at the door and my bedtime routine always included kissing her soft fur goodnight and extending my arm out so she could rest her little body on it. I rescued her from a farm at 3 weeks old, bottle fed her every three hours day or night, spent thousands of dollars and endless doctor's/hospital visits trying to get her healthy. She spent her whole short life constantly sick, but she was happy and sweet, even if she could be a diva sometimes, all the way til the end. The night I had to put her down, the vet tech didn't believe that her temperature had been 106 at home because she was acting so calm. She looked like a little princess, but she was a fighter. Still, I think she deserved more than that, and I feel like I failed her. Her vet told me that I was doing the right thing and she didn't know many people that would go through everything I did for her, that she was lucky to have me, but I still feel like I failed. I thought we'd have so much more time together, that someday she'd be an old kitty lounging in the sun as my needy children annoyed her with their affection, like my mom's cat when I was a kid, but I barely had any time with her at all. She was two when she died. Maybe I'm lucky I at least had that. 

It's been almost a year now, and my grief over her death was put on the back burner after my grandmother died a couple months later. I still miss her all the time, but I'm starting to forget little things. I remember she had a very distinct walk--dainty and light--but I can't picture it in my mind anymore. She had the raspiest little meow, like a tiny machine gun clicking, but I can't hear it anymore. I feel like she's slipping away from me and I hate it. Part of me still considers her my cat, like she still occupies an enormous emotional space in my life even after all this time. Sometimes my room mate/best friend's cat, who I love almost like he's my own, will get a hold of that favorite toy, and I get so angry. Weirdly enough I remember driving in the rental car to go see her body one last time before they cremated her and I feel happy, like it's a happy memory, because it almost felt like she was still here. She feels far away now, and I wish I could just reach out and grab her. It's hard grieving her, because I know most people would think she was just a cat, but she really felt like a child to me. I felt so responsible for her wellbeing and her happiness--I wanted her to be as happy as she could possibly be--and that part of me that poured so much into her aches now. 

Here are two photos of her: one from when I first got her and one from when she was a little older. We used to joke that she was the Kate Moss of cats because she was so beautiful and had such a little attitude, almost like she knew she could get away with things cause she was cute. It might be shallow, but I think there's no way I could ever find another cat as pretty as her.

 

                         

 

I just needed to vent. Thanks to whoever read this and I'm wishing you comfort as you grieve too ❤️

[KayC]

She is so beautiful, she looks dainty and graceful (my feral cat is about 20 lbs, looks like a Buddha, huge paws. 

My Arlie has been gone 3 1/2 years tomorrow, Kitty over three years.  I miss them both.

Thinking of you as you approach the one year mark...

[a.erin]

Thank you, @KayC. Thinking of you, Arlie, and Kitty too <3 

[foreverhis]

21 hours ago, a.erin said:

She feels far away now, and I wish I could just reach out and grab her.

I understand what you mean all too well.  We want to hold on to everything, just as it was when they were with us, but time and our own imperfect memories/brains don't allow it.  I also think that it can be a defense mechanism our brains employ to keep us from absolutely imploding and self-destructing from having everything too "fresh" forever.

You will never forget her.  Never.  But as you're discovering, some memories grow hazy as our lives force us forward.  Please don't beat yourself up for not seeing and hearing every moment as vividly as at first.  You'll hold Pepper in your heart always.  She's absolutely beautiful.  What a wonderful gift you gave each other, the love and trust and companionship.  I'm so very sorry that you did not have her with you longer.

21 hours ago, a.erin said:

Still, I think she deserved more than that, and I feel like I failed her. Her vet told me that I was doing the right thing and she didn't know many people that would go through everything I did for her, that she was lucky to have me, but I still feel like I failed.

It sounds like her vet was very insightful.  Of course Pepper deserved more and longer, but you are not the reason she did not have that.  She was lucky to have you because from the moment you brought her into your life until her very last breath, you showed her nothing but love, comfort, and care.  That's everything; it really is.  When she left this world for the Rainbow Bridge, she was surrounded by and held in your love.  We should all be so lucky when our time comes.  (As an aside:  I read an article years ago interviewing a woman who adopts animals in hospice situations.  She said she dislikes the terms "put down" or "put to sleep" and finds "euthanize" too clinical even though it is accurate.  She considers that when we make that selfless act of love, even as our hearts are breaking, we are helping to lift them up from their suffering to go to the world beyond this one, if a person believes that way.  I think she's right that we help lift them up and I usually try to think of it that way.  I hope you will consider her words.)

The truth is--and almost every member on every forum here will back me up on this--we can never feel we did enough.  We feel as if we somehow failed those we love most in the world because we could not save them.  This is where that nasty companion to grief comes in:  Guilt.  Our wonderful member KayC reminds us that just because we feel guilty, it doesn't mean we are; feelings are not facts.  I came to realize that feelings are neither "good" nor "bad," "right" nor "wrong."  Feelings simply exist.  What that helped me do was start to shift my overwhelming feelings of guilt that I couldn't or didn't save my beloved husband into what they should be:  Regret.  There are many things I regret, but that I no longer look in the mirror, point at myself, and declare, "You're to blame!"

21 hours ago, a.erin said:

It's hard grieving her, because I know most people would think she was just a cat, but she really felt like a child to me. I felt so responsible for her wellbeing and her happiness--I wanted her to be as happy as she could possibly be--and that part of me that poured so much into her aches now. 

She was not just a cat!  We here all know the joy of loving a special animal companion.  From what you've written, it's clear that she was happy.  You made her happy.  It stands to reason that your heart would feel her loss so deeply.

I'm glad you found your way here.  Talking about our grief with others who understand can help so much.

[KayC]

I hate it when people say "it was just a..." Pets are not "just a...anything!"  They are our closest family member, our companion, loyal, forgiving, loving, wonderful in ways people need to learn to be!  It's no wonder we miss them so much!  I love Jazzy as much as any animal I've owned, just as you do your Raleigh...how can I not!  She not only is Kodie's play date but greets me with a kiss, and gives me her husky talk (which she only does with those she loves), steps on my feet and does her best to get close to me!  It's been heartbreaking to see her so depressed but with the snow yesterday she played the whole time with Kodie!  He does his best to engage her and won't take no for an answer but sometimes takes his cues from her and they just "hang out."  I love that he is so intuitive and knows just what she (or I) need!

[a.erin]

On 2/15/2023 at 7:29 PM, foreverhis said:

I also think that it can be a defense mechanism our brains employ to keep us from absolutely imploding and self-destructing from having everything too "fresh" forever.

I absolutely feel that. We couldn’t go decades feeling all that grief. And I feel lucky for the memories I do have, and luckily I took lots of photos, so I go through those from time to time (if I don’t mind crying lol). I also journaled all about her little mannerisms and quirks right after she passed cause I didn’t wanna forget anything, so I hope that will give me something to go back to. All that being said, you’re right that certain memories becoming hazy is inevitable and isn’t a reflection of us or our bond with them.

 

On 2/15/2023 at 7:29 PM, foreverhis said:

She said she dislikes the terms "put down" or "put to sleep" and finds "euthanize" too clinical even though it is accurate.

I also relate to not liking that wording “put down” and “euthanize” for the same reasons. I wish there was a readily available alternative because it feels gross typing that out. (I also don’t like the word “owner.” It makes it feel like she was some object I was entitled to rather than a life I was responsible for. But same thing, it can be clunky tryna find some other way to describe it.) I’ve been working a lot on not judging my feelings and seeing them more as messages that there are things I need to address, but it can be very difficult (as I’m sure you know). My grandma died somewhat recently too and as she was sick and I couldn’t visit her due to money, I told myself that it wasn’t my fault and I had nothing to be guilty about at the time, and I believed it then, but I’ve found since her passing that guilt is inevitable. No matter how much you “know” you did all you could, the feeling is there. I’m really glad to hear you don’t blame yourself in the same way anymore, because no person can stop death.

 

On 2/15/2023 at 7:29 PM, foreverhis said:

I'm glad you found your way here.  Talking about our grief with others who understand can help so much.

Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes, it’s already helped a lot just being in a space where people understand loss.

 

15 hours ago, KayC said:

I hate it when people say "it was just a..." Pets are not "just a...anything!"  They are our closest family member, our companion, loyal, forgiving, loving, wonderful in ways people need to learn to be!  It's no wonder we miss them so much!  I love Jazzy as much as any animal I've owned, just as you do your Raleigh...how can I not!  She not only is Kodie's play date but greets me with a kiss, and gives me her husky talk (which she only does with those she loves), steps on my feet and does her best to get close to me!  It's been heartbreaking to see her so depressed but with the snow yesterday she played the whole time with Kodie!  He does his best to engage her and won't take no for an answer but sometimes takes his cues from her and they just "hang out."  I love that he is so intuitive and knows just what she (or I) need!

Yes, I love that intuition. I think that’s part of why we bond with pets so deeply. Since they don’t have words, they have to tap into something else to communicate, and they end up getting really good at reading you and what you need without you having to say anything. That and their love is just so constant, like what you’re describing with Jazzy. Pepper used to wake-me up at night by pawing at my shoulder until I woke-up to lift the covers so she could get under (like I said, huge diva–couldn’t just do it on her own lol), and it reminds me of Jazzy stepping on your feet to get close to you. I'm glad she had fun in the snow!

[KayC]

I hate the term "put down" and would rather people use "put to sleep" as it is softer, kinder, we want to help them ease into it not the harshness of euthanasia.  That's why I was so upset when Arlie's vet botched his as he went out in severe pain, the opposite of what I wanted to do for him!  My last memories of him are horrific.

I try to focus on where he is now, my sweet baby.

6 hours ago, a.erin said:

I also journaled all about her little mannerisms and quirks right after she passed cause I didn’t wanna forget anything,

That is so important!  I wrote stories of Arlie's life and also our journey with cancer...it was hard but part of his life and thus a special time.

[foreverhis]

17 hours ago, a.erin said:

I also journaled all about her little mannerisms and quirks right after she passed cause I didn’t wanna forget anything, so I hope that will give me something to go back to.

That's wonderful.  When I read this, I thought of Kay immediately.  Her writing about Arlie here is so touching and meaningful.

[KayC]

 

[a.erin]

On 2/17/2023 at 5:47 AM, KayC said:

I hate the term "put down" and would rather people use "put to sleep" as it is softer, kinder, we want to help them ease into it not the harshness of euthanasia.

I like that a lot better too, and I do think being more intentional with the language I use could help.

 

On 2/17/2023 at 5:47 AM, KayC said:

That's why I was so upset when Arlie's vet botched his as he went out in severe pain, the opposite of what I wanted to do for him!

I'm so sorry this happened, both for you and for Arlie  I know how hard it is to see them in pain. I think it's great that you focus on the fact that he's no longer in that pain, and it's worth thinking about all the joy you gave him before that point too. 

 

On 2/17/2023 at 5:47 AM, KayC said:

That is so important!  I wrote stories of Arlie's life and also our journey with cancer...it was hard but part of his life and thus a special time.

I'm so glad you've kept these memories safe ❤️ 

 

[a.erin]

On 2/18/2023 at 7:36 AM, KayC said:

 

Thank you for sharing these. Not gonna lie, seeing his photos made me a little teary-eyed. He seems like such a sweet baby, especially curled up on that chair. I've only just started skimming, but the part about him chewing up the book on boundaries made me laugh out loud 😂

On 2/17/2023 at 3:54 PM, foreverhis said:

That's wonderful.  When I read this, I thought of Kay immediately.  Her writing about Arlie here is so touching and meaningful.

She posted them after you said that, so I've been lucky enough to read some of them too. You can tell he was very loved.

[KayC]

5 hours ago, a.erin said:

the part about him chewing up the book on boundaries made me laugh out loud 😂

Me too!  I love that dog, always will!  God had to give me a very different dog as He knew Arlie couldn't be replaced.

[foreverhis]

6 hours ago, KayC said:

Me too!  I love that dog, always will!  God had to give me a very different dog as He knew Arlie couldn't be replaced.

It’s funny that I was kind of thinking the same thing about Cosi. She’s unlike any cat I have ever had or even known. As if John said, “Wait! We need to send Annie a different sort of cat.” We always were concerned about “Will we be able to love another after having our Penny?”

Cosi is a challenge for sure and there are still times I think I was crazy to adopt her because she’s the exact opposite of the older, calm lap cat I had in mind. But I am sure there was a discussion of “Nope. You sit on the sofa like a blob enough. You don’t need a sedate cat to give you an excuse to do that even more. You need this girl!”❤️

[a.erin]

On 2/20/2023 at 12:42 PM, foreverhis said:

We always were concerned about “Will we be able to love another after having our Penny?”

I've thought this same thing about Pepper, and I find myself weirdly enough not wanting to reach the point where I would be happy with another cat, even though I know I'd be better off emotionally. I guess it's partially guilt, partially that it would require me to accept the loss, which I still can't do 😕 

[KayC]

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

 

 

[AJWCat]

22 hours ago, a.erin said:

I've thought this same thing about Pepper, and I find myself weirdly enough not wanting to reach the point where I would be happy with another cat, even though I know I'd be better off emotionally. I guess it's partially guilt, partially that it would require me to accept the loss, which I still can't do 😕 

I had to adopt another cat, life is so much better with a cat! And I love her so much. It's been 5 years since the tragic horrible loss of our other guy... but I like to think it's because of him that I can give love to another cat who needs it. There are so many cats who need good homes. And I will never and  have never forgotten him. 

[KayC]

I'd beg you to reconsider, it may be another being that would fill your life, you could provide a home to...always your heart will hold this cat, always you'll remember Pepper.  I'd about given up when I found Kodie.  He is not my Arlie, never will be, but I can't imagine life without him now.

[a.erin]

On 2/23/2023 at 6:43 AM, KayC said:

I'd beg you to reconsider, it may be another being that would fill your life, you could provide a home to...always your heart will hold this cat, always you'll remember Pepper.  I'd about given up when I found Kodie.  He is not my Arlie, never will be, but I can't imagine life without him now.

I know I will someday when I'm ready. My room mate has a really sweet orange tabby who I sorta unofficially coparent, and I do think having him has helped.

[foreverhis]

On 2/21/2023 at 2:04 PM, a.erin said:

I've thought this same thing about Pepper, and I find myself weirdly enough not wanting to reach the point where I would be happy with another cat, even though I know I'd be better off emotionally. I guess it's partially guilt, partially that it would require me to accept the loss, which I still can't do 😕 

Your loss and grief are still relatively new, at least in my opinion. After a year, John and I were absolutely not ready. It took me 4 years after John died to know I was in the right place emotionally to start looking for my girl.

Now obviously that’s just me. Some people are ready much sooner. But please don’t say never, certainly not right now. There are many days I wish John and I had adopted again while he was still with me. He would have loved Cosi and it hurts sometimes knowing he will never meet her.

The time may come when you least expect it that a new love will find you. I was ready to put my search on the back burner for a while. But then, there she was. I had to meet her. She claimed me practically the minute I went to her to say hello. Now, my heart is open for her and she fills my life with love (and craziness and sometimes even frustration).

You will always have Pepper in that special place in your heart. There’s no doubt about it. I urge you to consider that there is always room for more love.

[KayC]

I understand.  When you're ready. I just hate to see someone adamantly shut that door so early on, of course you aren't ready right now.  One thing I did when my dog died was walk a neighbor's dog.  I grew to love him.  It was a temporary bandage though as he bit and yanked on my hands, severely damaging them, from that and subsequent bites I now have 10% strength, continual pain and numbness and it's been several years.  But my heart was broken when he too passed.

I'm glad you get to help co-parent your roommates cat.  They can be very comforting.

5 hours ago, foreverhis said:

it hurts sometimes knowing he will never meet her.

I like to think they are looking down on us, maybe it's just fairytale wishfulness, but it brings me comfort.  I also know George cares what I'm going through as I grow old, but maybe it's too many sappy movies over the years...

[foreverhis]

9 hours ago, KayC said:

I like to think they are looking down on us, maybe it's just fairytale wishfulness, but it brings me comfort.  I also know George cares what I'm going through as I grow old, but maybe it's too many sappy movies over the years..

No, I don’t think it’s a fairytale or just a fantasy. I think that there is a veil between us that is usually impenetrable, but that they can “see through,” where we cannot. I believe that our human minds are open to the true wonders and mysteries only after we leave this world for whatever comes next. That is part of my and John’s faith.

 I’m reasonably convinced that John was “in on it” when Cosi chose me. She really is so different from all the other cats I have ever known that there’s truly no comparing.

But even so, I wish so much that we could all be here together and that I could watch them fall in love with each other.

[a.erin]

17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Your loss and grief are still relatively new, at least in my opinion.

Thank you for saying that, because I often feel like I'm not "moving on fast enough." Of course, we don't ever really "move on" and there is no "correct" timetable, but it's easy to beat yourself up and feel like you should be closer to closure than you actually are, at least for me--so I appreciate the perspective and reassurance. I'm so glad you found Cosi. My mom always says that everything happens in its own time. She has a lot more faith in the universe than I do, but it seems like Cosi came to you when she was supposed to, not when you were expecting her to. 

 

17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

He would have loved Cosi and it hurts sometimes knowing he will never meet her.

I've thought this with loved ones too. My dad wasn't at my college graduation because he had already passed away by then, and it hurts thinking he never got to see that. I hope @KayC is right that they are watching, even if we can't see them. It's not impossible. And I see by your reply to her that you have faith John is at least somewhat familiar with her still. If there really is something that comes next, I bet John is still watching and growing to love her just as you have.

 

17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

You will always have Pepper in that special place in your heart. There’s no doubt about it. I urge you to consider that there is always room for more love.

I know (or hope anyways) that in time, I'll be ready to open up to more love again. I think right now I just associate that kind of love with pain and loss, and I need that wound to heal before I can remember the joy that comes with it. But I'm not 100% closed off, I can tell you that much at least.

Edited March 2, 2023 by a.erin
Wanted to address another quote that I forgot to the first time

[a.erin]

11 hours ago, KayC said:

I like to think they are looking down on us, maybe it's just fairytale wishfulness, but it brings me comfort.  I also know George cares what I'm going through as I grow old, but maybe it's too many sappy movies over the years...

I like to think this too. I lost my father when I was a bit younger and with losing my grandma recently too, it's too heartbreaking to think that you'll never see them again. There's no way to prove or disprove that you won't, so why torture yourself by thinking it's impossible that you might? I talk to my dad and my grandma still and find our relationship continues to grow even after their gone. Maybe one day I'll find out that it really has, not just in my head but for them somewhere else too. And I've found it comforting to think about the ways in which they'd be proud if they are watching. 

[KayC]

11 hours ago, a.erin said:

"moving on fast enough."

You are so right that we don't "move on" and it's a term we deplore in grief!  It's a mere fallacy the world has.  We don't "get over it." And in my experience, if you push your grief aside, hit ignore, and move on, it will find you and haunt you! Seriously! Truth: A guy lost his fiance...he married, had kids, 20 years afterwards, he was suddenly slammed with it!  With a vengeance.  I'm sure his wife and kids were stunned!  It's important for us to feel our grief, read books/articles, get counseling if necessary, do things to memorialize them, and come to a grief forum.  It helps us deal with our feelings, process our grief, and hone our coping skills.  But a part of us will always remember them and eventually learn to carry our grief, even yet thinking about them and missing them.  I do.  I miss and love my pets that have passed.  And my husband...it's been nearly 18 years and I continue to miss him, not live in the past, but remember his good qualities, what we had together, and cherish it...it made me who I am, honestly.

I lost my cousin Dawn Tuesday, she was ten years younger than me, had just turned 60! I was shocked. Her lungs quit. She had to rehome her dog a couple of months ago, that stunned me too!  She never complained.  Just 12 days before she was getting her truck worked on.  So she knew but probably didn't realize it'd be so fast.  She was my favorite cousin, I looked up to her, admired her, loved her.  Did I ever tell her?  That's what's hard.  I tell her now.  And like you and Annie (foreverhis), I like to think she knows.

[foreverhis]

16 hours ago, a.erin said:

I talk to my dad and my grandma still and find our relationship continues to grow even after their gone. Maybe one day I'll find out that it really has, not just in my head but for them somewhere else too. And I've found it comforting to think about the ways in which they'd be proud if they are watching. 

I believe you will, when it’s your time. And I believe that those we love most are watching over us in some way. I have no doubt your dad and grandma, and now Pepper, are proud of you and will be there waiting to welcome you some day.

I talk to my John still, though much less often than the first couple of years. And these days I find myself talking to our Penny, asking her to communicate with Cosi cat-to-cat and help me guide Cosi to be her best cat self.

Though John and I left the specific religion we were raised in and that we followed as younger adults, we never lost our faith.

[a.erin]

10 hours ago, KayC said:

It's important for us to feel our grief, read books/articles, get counseling if necessary, do things to memorialize them, and come to a grief forum. 

I love this cause it provides concrete examples of what grieving looks like. It's one thing to hear "You just have to feel it" and another to know how exactly to do that, especially if you're someone who doesn't have the greatest relationship with their emotions. I've found that watching TV shows about losing loved ones, or even just listening to songs that mention someone passing away, help me a lot. I've been watching this amazing show called Reservation Dogs that deals a lot with loss. Can't tell you how many times its made me ball my eyes out! It's very cathartic. 

10 hours ago, KayC said:

I lost my cousin Dawn Tuesday, she was ten years younger than me, had just turned 60!

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss I can tell how you write about her that she meant a lot to you. She sounds really tough if she was up and about so recently. Still, I can imagine that making this so much more shocking.

10 hours ago, KayC said:

Did I ever tell her?  That's what's hard.  I tell her now.  And like you and Annie (foreverhis), I like to think she knows.

Yep, that "wish I would have told them I loved them more" is so real. I like to think she knows too 🙂

[a.erin]

5 hours ago, foreverhis said:

And I believe that those we love most are watching over us in some way.

It definitely feels like they're there sometimes. 

5 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I talk to my John still, though much less often than the first couple of years. And these days I find myself talking to our Penny, asking her to communicate with Cosi cat-to-cat and help me guide Cosi to be her best cat self.

I think this is a really great way to  cope. Love changes us to our core, and when our loved ones disappear, we still need somewhere to put that love. This is the best we can do.

[foreverhis]

I don't know if this is completely apropos, but maybe.  I've posted elsewhere on the forums in discussions about faith and religion that my absolute favorite definition of the difference between the two is from the movie Keeping the Faith.   The scene is Father Brian Finn (played by one of my favorites, Edward Norton) talking to his congregation.

"The seven deadly sins. Who can name the seven deadly sins? (long pause)... People! It was a very popular film with Brad Pitt, you have the ultimate cliff note. (walks down the aisle and back)... The truth is, I don't really learn that much about your faith by asking questions like that because those aren't really questions about faith, those are questions about religion. And it's very important to understand the difference between religion and faith. Because faith is not about having the right answers. Faith is a feeling. Faith is a hunch, really. It's a hunch that there is something bigger connecting it all, connecting us all together. And that feeling, that hunch, is God. And coming here tonight, on your Sunday evening, to connect with that feeling, that is an act of faith. And so all I have to do is look around the room at this packed church to know that we're doing pretty well as a community... Even if all of you failed my pop quiz miserably."

This is not a dig at specific religions in any way.  So many people find comfort and peace with them.  John and I were raised traditional Episcopal (him) and Methodist-Episcopal (obviously, me).  We stayed with them as young adults, but ultimately found them limiting for us--I can't stress that enough: for us--so we embraced a more universal faith.  Sometimes I think we veer toward Unitarian, but I don't know for sure.

In any case, faith is a wholly individual thing, IMO.  Religion can help people of faith become strong in it together.  (Not all religions or churches, obviously, but many.)

[KayC]

12 hours ago, a.erin said:

I love this cause it provides concrete examples of what grieving looks like.

Yes, just what I found helpful all these years.  I remember Marty (Owner, Admin. of grief website and retired counselor, she's an amazing resource and friend) saying so many times that it's so important not just to feel the grief but what we do with it..

[a.erin]

On 3/3/2023 at 6:00 AM, KayC said:

it's so important not just to feel the grief but what we do with it

Absolutely. The first step is for sure feeling it, but I felt really lost before I found ways to actually process what I what I could finally let myself feel. Concrete steps help.

[a.erin]

On 3/2/2023 at 8:52 PM, foreverhis said:

Faith is a feeling. Faith is a hunch, really. It's a hunch that there is something bigger connecting it all, connecting us all together.

This is  very true, and part of why you can't really discuss it in the context of "proof" or "objectivity."  But that doesn't diminish its significance or importance. I think I'm always gonna be a fence sitter when it comes to faith, just someone who hopes that when I die, I find out something was there all along.

[KayC]

Faith is the substance of things hoped for, evidence of things unseen.  It's stepping out and believing without that "evidence," thereby making your belief the evidence.  It brings us peace.  

[April Andy]

Hi, I'm new here.

I totally understand the pain you going through. I also lost my fur baby at an early age.

you're not alone at this in moment. All we can do is hope that our fur babies are in a good place now.

 

[AJWCat]

Hi @April Andy I am so sorry. Maybe start your own post and share more of your sweet pet that you lost? We are here are care to read. It may help you to get more out.