My dear Lawrence

[Roseapple]

In this past year there was not a day that you weren’t on my mind. So many times I just feel this pain in my chest like a black hole and all I can think is, all I want, is to talk to you. When there is a storm in my mind and I can’t calm my thoughts, I so wish you were there to calm me down. I have so many questions that will stay unanswered. Why did you lie so much? You must have known that I loved you no matter what. I think maybe the lies were for you not for me. Did we really have a chance to this future we were picturing, would you have gone through with it? You will never tell me, my questions will never be answered. Where did you go? Did you know it when you left? Did you dream of me? I wish I could turn back time and make it on the plane in time, to hold you just one last time, kiss you, tell you how much I love you and that I will never leave you. You have my heart, you are always with me. I am trying so hard to make you proud, to make you smile and I just feel like I am failing. I did not live this past year, I turned into a ghost. This year I will try to change. To be everything you wanted me to be again. I miss you so much, I miss your voice, your eyes, those beautiful eyes, your stupid jokes and your “Babe” in the middle of the night. We did not know back then, what a tragic love it will be. I love you forever, 

your Rose 

[Alone. Again.]

I know how it feels to have those unanswered questions going round and round your head. The frustration, regret, the not knowing. It's so painful. 

I'm so sorry for your pain. 

Thomas is right. We all care.

[KayC]

@RoseappleYour words really spoke to me, even though I knew they were directed to your beloved.  We can only hope this will be a better year, even if slightly...we'll take it.  My heart goes out to you.

[I miss you so much]

On 2/9/2023 at 12:38 AM, Roseapple said:

 We did not know back then, what a tragic love it will be. I love you forever,

One of the positive and curious things in this group is that we read about people's experiences so similar to ours. Not the same, but so similar.

And besides, we find in their posts the words or thoughts we aren't able to express by ourselves, or even the feelings which were there but we hadn't realized about.

By other messages you have written, I know that we have many things in common.

This message is full of memories to me, but your last sentence really struck me.

I believed that having meet him was the proof of the "magic of the universe". It was a miracle,  back then. Never, never, never, could I have imagined this end, this shocking nightmare. How could this be possible? All the sacrifices, all we have endured, for this?

On 2/9/2023 at 12:38 AM, Roseapple said:

Did we really have a chance to this future we were picturing, would you have gone through with it? You will never tell me, my questions will never be answered.

On 2/9/2023 at 12:38 AM, Roseapple said:

I have so many questions that will stay unanswered. Why did you lie so much? You must have known that I loved you no matter what.

I feel we share the same anguish and frustration.

And they're not there.