Members JonasMom Posted February 4, 2023 Members Report Share Posted February 4, 2023 It is so hard to type right now but I desperately need help. I'm sorry for any typos I'm making. Yesterday I lost my soul when I lost my precious Jonas. He was around 18 years old and I have had him for 15 years, since I was a teenager. He was my entire world and my life revolved around him. He battled many health conditions and diseases over the years, including a 2-week hospital stay years ago, and always overcame it. He was so strong and perfect and my entire reason to be. He had been declining over the last months gradually and I fought with everything I had to keep him here and happy. He seemed to be doing better a few days ago and I began to feel hope. Wednesday he suddenly started losing interest in food, water, and could not walk. I tried to treat him for a pancreatitis flareup and got him fluids at the vet Thursday but nothing helped. On Friday after breathing difficulties he collapseda nd went limp on me. I rushed him to teh vet and begged for the mto do anything to try to save him and they tried but it wasnt enough. I begged and screamed for God to prove to me he exists and save him but he didnt and I have no faith in anything anymore. Wehn tehy told me he was gone I collapsed on the floor. I can't live without him. I can't eat or sleep and I keep throwing up liquid. My whole body is in pain and its nothing comapred to what my soul feels. I have never contemplated suicide so seriously in ym life, and I have battled anxiety, panic disorder, and depression since I was in elementary school. I feel so guitly and ekep wondering if anything I could have done would have made things different and he woulds till be here with me. I dont know what to do and I am desperate for help . I dont know how i'm supposed to keep living, going to work, I dont know how to be happy or survive without him and I don't want to be here anymore 2 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 5, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted February 5, 2023 Not likely for pancreatitis...my sister's dog died of that on Christmas one year. I am so sorry for your loss. It's the hardest thing in the world. You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now... The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs... Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers A Dangerous Villain: GuiltBreaking the Power of GuiltA Dangerous Villain: Guilthttp://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtmlhttp://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htmhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.htmlhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members GiuliaL Posted February 5, 2023 Members Report Share Posted February 5, 2023 Hi Jonas, my cat of 17 also died yesterday. Ive had her since she was born and she was my entire world. I have been finding it so difficult these past 2 days. It truly is such a horrible pain losing your life companion and soul mate. I completely can relate to the loss you're going through. Unfortunately life brings us these horrible surprises and they always come unexpectedly. We both need to think that pets in general don't live for very long, not as long as humans. Having said that, both of our pets have lived a very long and healthy life overall and for that we have to be grateful for. We need to be strong enough to carry on in our lives. No one will ever replace our beautiful cats. The only thing we can do now is think that they are in a much better place now and aren't suffering anymore. They lived a loving life because of us and we took so much good care of them. They know how much we loved them. The next thing we can do is think about all the wonderful memories and happy times we shared together. Grief for both of us is going to take time. Time is a healer and that's all we can rely on for now. We need to be able to be strong. I can't stop imagining what she would do if she was still alive. I found her dead in my kitchen as I woke up. She died in her sleep. I feel awful at the fact that I wasn't with her to keep her company as she was dying to say my last good bye. I hate it. Let's be strong. Take comfort in the fact that they are resting in peace and we will meet again one day. Take comfort in the fact that you're not alone going through this grief and there are always people that will want to talk to you and help. I wish you all the best. Be strong 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 6, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted February 6, 2023 12 hours ago, GiuliaL said: I feel awful at the fact that I wasn't with her to keep her company as she was dying to say my last good bye. They often go off to die alone so it could be she preferred it, it's us that throw the guilt on ourselves. I am so sorry for your loss, it's very hard having that special being in our lives...and losing them.Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers A Dangerous Villain: GuiltBreaking the Power of GuiltA Dangerous Villain: Guilthttp://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtmlhttp://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htmhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.htmlhttps://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html Praying you find some comfort and peace in this video... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted February 8, 2023 Members Report Share Posted February 8, 2023 So sorry to read of both of your losses @GiuliaL and @JonasMom. I know how incredibly painful it is, nothing can prepare you. I lost my cat at age 15 suddenly and horribly and I felt like the pain would never end. Not that I cared, I was so despondent. After enough time, you will find peace and you will get to a place where you can remember the good, happy times. I know it seems impossible. Hang in there. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Skiidoggy Posted December 16, 2023 Members Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 (edited) I am so very sorry. You are not alone and right now, I am feeling the same way. I have two other pets to take care of but suicide seems more of an option. My tiniest cat (Bella Harmony) was hit and killed by a car. I whaled/screamed NO NO NO NO!!!! I am crying as I type this. Do you have any ideas that just might help me? How are you doing now? Edited December 16, 2023 by Skiidoggy Typo 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 16, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted December 16, 2023 Read the links and watch the video in the above post. I'm very sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KennyW Posted December 17, 2023 Members Report Share Posted December 17, 2023 I am new here and I completely understand. When my cat died I got so drunk I wound up in the hospital for 2 weeks because they thought I was suicidal. I hope you are doing better. There is no such thing as closure but time will help us to move on. I honestly hope you are in a better place mentally 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted December 17, 2023 Moderators Report Share Posted December 17, 2023 8 minutes ago, Kenny68 said: I am new here and I completely understand. When my cat died I got so drunk I wound up in the hospital for 2 weeks because they thought I was suicidal. I hope you are doing better. There is no such thing as closure but time will help us to move on. I honestly hope you are in a better place mentally I hope you are doing better now...it's hard and it takes time, much of it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Peanuts mama Posted January 1 Members Report Share Posted January 1 I lost my sweet baby peanut 12/27/23. I took her to the vet because we thought she might have had a stroke because she was acting drunk and couldn’t walk. We left her overnight and she died. This was my baby 10 yrs old! My heart died with her… I don’t know how to continue with life without her… she was my everything! It hurts so much. with that… I truly know how you feel. God doesn’t save anyone! you will be in my thoughts as we both go thru this. so so sorry for Jonas … he truly knows you loved him!! 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members KennyW Posted January 1 Members Report Share Posted January 1 BEAUTIFUL cat!!!!! Reminds me of my Buddy 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 1 Moderators Report Share Posted January 1 12 hours ago, Peanuts mama said: I lost my sweet baby peanut 12/27/23. I took her to the vet because we thought she might have had a stroke because she was acting drunk and couldn’t walk. We left her overnight and she died. This was my baby 10 yrs old! My heart died with her… I don’t know how to continue with life without her… she was my everything! It hurts so much. I am so sorry for your loss, I know it to be the hardest thing in the world. One never replaces another, but I hope sometime if/when you're ready you'll consider adopting another...I lost my 25 1/2 year old Kitty 1/6/20 and thought I'd never have another cat, I've lost so many over the years but nearly two years ago I adopted a feral cat, he's outdoors only, very nocturnal and wild but him and my dog and I all have a relationship and love each other. He has the entire 30 ft. patio and underneath it, also garage rafters, large property, a cathouse, scratching posts, food & water and a basket on the picnic table filled with soft knit things to sleep on. His idea! No idea how old he is, but I think he's old, drools, barely meows after surviving wildfires up here, but his voice is getting stronger. Cured him of severe ear infections, worming, but mostly he likes to take care of himself. He refuses to be trapped because he was before and neutered and still remembers it, you can tell because his ear is clipped. A cat rescue tried trapping him for months before I realized and he would not go for it. He even likes to go on walks with us! I am so sorry for the loss of your "peanut"...Kitty was ready by her age, but when I lost Arlie it felt premature and it was very hard, akin to losing my husband 18 1/2 years ago. When you live alone and your lives are intertwined, it's so hard. Getting another Pet http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Orangecatmama Posted January 1 Members Report Share Posted January 1 Hello, I am new here and honestly it feels reassuring to know that there are others out there who feel this way. I lost one of my boycats very suddenly and tragically right before my eyes. He was only 8 years old. I demanded a necropsy and it turned out that he had blood clots due to Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I feel like this could have been prevented if only I took him to the vet. I blame myself and I suffer every day. Now I am very paranoid about the love of my life, my Tribble (BeepRBeep). I love this cat more than anything in this entire world and I just know that I am going to crumble if something happens to him. I’m afraid I won’t be able to go on without him. I don’t know how I lived a life without him before. Losing an animal is a different kind of heartbreak. It kills you inside. I pray that all of you find peace in knowing that you’re not alone. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 1 Moderators Report Share Posted January 1 Yes it does. It's very hard. My heart goes out to you. Take a day at a time and remember to breathe. http://www.griefhealing.com/comfort-grieving-animal-lovers.htm 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members AJWCat Posted January 5 Members Report Share Posted January 5 On 1/1/2024 at 4:03 PM, Orangecatmama said: Hello, I am new here and honestly it feels reassuring to know that there are others out there who feel this way. I lost one of my boycats very suddenly and tragically right before my eyes. He was only 8 years old. I demanded a necropsy and it turned out that he had blood clots due to Hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. I feel like this could have been prevented if only I took him to the vet. I blame myself and I suffer every day. Now I am very paranoid about the love of my life, my Tribble (BeepRBeep). I love this cat more than anything in this entire world and I just know that I am going to crumble if something happens to him. I’m afraid I won’t be able to go on without him. I don’t know how I lived a life without him before. Losing an animal is a different kind of heartbreak. It kills you inside. I pray that all of you find peace in knowing that you’re not alone. It is a different kind of heartbreak. They are so innocent. Please do not blame yourself. We do the best we can. I also lost my cat suddenly + horribly. It broke my heart into pieces. So I know where you are. Hang in there. Sadly, the utter sadness is the price we pay for an amazing bond + love we shared. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 5 Moderators Report Share Posted January 5 On 1/1/2024 at 1:03 PM, Orangecatmama said: I feel like this could have been prevented if only I took him to the vet. The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died over 18 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs... A Dangerous Villain: Guilt Breaking the Power of Guilt A Dangerous Villain: Guilt http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bug Mom Posted February 18 Members Report Share Posted February 18 I lost my sweet baby Bug on Jan. 30 at 6:22pm. He was 20. He had come back from near renal failure and was doing great. He loved his life, he was such a happy little guy. And then he was diagnosed with cancer. There is no treatment for what he had other than an NSAID (palliative). Four days after starting it, he went into acute renal failure - violently vomiting out of the blue, then unable to stand up easily. I said goodbye to him that evening because I couldn’t hear to see him suffer. Euthanasia is a heart wrenching decision, but I knew that he had fought a good fight and just couldn’t anymore. It’s killing me. I cry constantly. I miss him so very much. My life has a huge gaping hole and it just hurts. Felix (my other cat) and I are both grieving. As much as I try to stay strong to comfort him, I am failing miserably. If it weren’t for Felix, I don’t think I would care if I just didn’t wake up in the morning. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 18 Moderators Report Share Posted February 18 I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my last dog, Arlie to cancer, the hardest thing in the world. He'd just had a physical two weeks before and passed with flying colors. How do you go from that to being diagnosed with inoperable cancer and liver shutting down in just two weeks! You don't. They missed something big time. And then he got a botched euthanasia. My baby deserved better than thst. I am so sorry for what you are going through. The hardest thing in the world. I had a cat that died of cancer too, he was 19, they also didn't catch that. Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Bug Mom Posted February 18 Members Report Share Posted February 18 Thank you KayC. In my case, Bug had been having occasional sneezes that had a bit of blood in them. This started 3 years ago. It happened so rarely and there was so little blood that I thought it was due to the dry climate we live in. (I have bloody snot on dry days too!). It became worse after a year, and I put him through many rounds of antibiotics since the vets all thought it was an infection. (I saw 8 vets to try and properly diagnose it). The bleeding was only out of his left nostril. I had all kids of tests done- viral, fungal, etc. nothing. I asked about cancer and was told nasal cancer is super rare in cats and would have progressed much faster. I was the one who asked for all the blood work on him, and finally I took him in for a CT scan which is when I was told that it was very advanced cancer. I’m angry about that. I’m also so sorry for your experience with your poor sweet pup- I empathize because I was told many time that Bug is ok, very low chance of cancer (his blood work was very good actually). A botched euthanasia must have been so awful for you. My heart goes out to you. At least I have the comfort of knowing that Bug’s passing was very peaceful. Thank you again for your response. It is comforting to know that others have the same sense of loss for their four legged family member (not that I’d ever want anyone to go through it). Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me for being so unable to live after losing my baby; I have no joy at all anymore. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted February 18 Moderators Report Share Posted February 18 I walked my neighbor's dog after Arlie died...it resulted in a hard yank from the chow that required surgery which was botched, I have severed pain and numbness to this day, four years later as well as two dog bites. I've gone on to have 16 hand injuries, permanent and 10% strength in my hands. It's very hard. I've also had two arm injuries, one was severe dog biting to my arm two days before Christmas, permanent damage there too. I don't know what I'd do w/o the service dog my son brought me a few months after Arlie died. He was conceived when Arlie died, born on my birthday, and I got him two months later. He saved my life. And he's also been attacked, one would have killed him but got me instead. I never knew there were so many vicious dogs in the world. I'm 71 and was never bit before then! There's nothing wrong with you, you're a caring human being and I get it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members elliej64 Posted April 11 Members Report Share Posted April 11 Jonas please update with how things are for you now. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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