Jump to content

i just lost my mom


Linda43

Recommended Posts

  • Members

My mom came to live with me after she had a stroke 18 years ago and was diagnosed with COPD congestive heart failure and diabetes. She lived with me and my kids for 4 years then on and off as she needed to til she past away. Early this morning its been a week since she died and I am devastated. I miss her so much. I sit in her room alot cause I can still smell her scent and it makes me feel closer to her. She was placed on hospice thanksgiving morning and in less than 2 weeks she was gone. I can't eat, can't sleep. God I just miss her.... for 1 year she had been in a wheelchair and the last month bed ridden. We talked many conversations and she said she was ready to go she was tired of being in pain tired of struggling to breathe just tired. I did what she wanted because I love her alot but now she is gone and I miss walking into her room seeing her smiling face, holding my hand, telling me I am the best daughter ever her hugs kisses and our daily conversations. How do I go on without her?????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

My mom came to live with me after she had a stroke 18 years ago and was diagnosed with COPD congestive heart failure and diabetes. She lived with me and my kids for 4 years then on and off as she needed to til she past away. Early this morning its been a week since she died and I am devastated. I miss her so much. I sit in her room alot cause I can still smell her scent and it makes me feel closer to her. She was placed on hospice thanksgiving morning and in less than 2 weeks she was gone. I can't eat, can't sleep. God I just miss her.... for 1 year she had been in a wheelchair and the last month bed ridden. We talked many conversations and she said she was ready to go she was tired of being in pain tired of struggling to breathe just tired. I did what she wanted because I love her alot but now she is gone and I miss walking into her room seeing her smiling face, holding my hand, telling me I am the best daughter ever her hugs kisses and our daily conversations. How do I go on without her?????

So very sorry for your loss ): My father passed away from COPD, congestive heartfailure, diabetes and kidney failure 2 1/2 months ago.He went downhill very quickly and passed away just as fast. It was devastating. Still is!! I go over to my mother's house and sit in their bedroom and look at his things and it's the most heartbreaking thing. I often wonder how I am going to go on without him, but the thing is, I have to. I know he would not want me to be sad, to feel guilty, to feel regrets. He loved me. He didn't care if I made mistakes. He didn't care if I wasn't perfect. He loved me for who I am..His daughter. I think of this when I start to feel sad about his death. He was proud of me. I'm sure your mother was very proud of you too. She would want you to be ok. And you will eventually be ok. You may not have her now, but you still have everything that you shared with her. Memories, your conversations. Everything. Take care and I hope this helped a little..

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Linda: I know exactly how you feel. I just lost my mom on nov 14, after she had a stroke and parkinsins for years. I love and miss my mom also was crying alot today as i drove past her senior building where she lived.

I brought her to calif with me last year as i finished my B. A. degree and then i came back east. I was caring for her and it was hard so i put her in a nursing home and they didn't bother to do much for her. I feel like i did everything i could but I wish i did more.

I miss her so much, it gets easier as time goes on, it has been a month for me yesterday and I am the only daughter. I wish i could comfort you but i do feel exactly the same way. I miss my mom so much no one compares to her.

I also miss her smiling face either in my house or the nursing home. I loved bringing her food and chocholates and now she is gone. It is heartbreaking as i try to go on without her. I feel like nothing will ever be the same again.

I guess over time we will find things that make us happy, i am just not finding these things right now. She was my life.

Debbie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
stillfighting431

Hi Linda,

I'm so sorry for your loss..My mom passed away 24th july this year,after recovering from a total hip replacement done on 9 may 2010.She had gotten a lot better,was walking around after extensive physiotherapy but slowly developed a chest congestion & died from complications ,even after so much hard work & efforts on our part to save her.I can't stop beating myself up about where I went wrong.What if I had thought of this before,if I'd gotten that test done a month earlier.I feel I was incharge of her health & I let her down.

But in the end we're only human,no special powers to foresee the future.We did the best we could,'cause we didn't know any better.We are helpless against the powers that be.

Every day with mom was a treasure in itself.She taught us how to design,draft,stitch,sew ,embroider,crochet,knit,draw, paint,tatting ,doll making ,flower making & various other handcrafts.

I learned cooking & baking watching her work in the kitchen.

And when she was unwell my sister & I used to help her with all the chores she couldn't do for herself,like cutting her toe nails ,taking a bath,washing & braiding her hair.For every little thing we did for her she looked so grateful & happy.She would say who have you heard of whose so lucky to have her daughters always by her side.She would always be blessing us by saying."May God give you so much that you can't gather it all up with both hands."It was always a joy to spend time with her.That was the reward in itself.

Even in the hospital her senior doctor once told her she was so lucky to have her children taking around the clock care of her.The nurses & the ladies from the cleaning crew would always say,you take such good care of your mom,you will be rewarded for it.

We didn't want any rewards,just wanted our mom to get better,but couldn't make that happen.I guess He knows best & may be decided that it was her time to come back to Him & rest.She'd suffered enough.

It's more than 4 months now but I still can't stop crying.I took the woolens out today,I saw the sweaters & scarves knitted,crotched,embroidered by mom.I saw all her woolens too & suddenly I was bawling like a baby....saying I just want her back...I'll do anything to see that smiling face,feel her warm comforting hug,hearing her call my name.I cry whenever I go outside since it brings back so many memories of mom,the stores where we used to shop,places where we used to eat,the things we used to laugh at together.I still cry at every little thing that reminds me of her & this house holds more than 3 decades worth,but without her it doesn't feel like home,just an empty shell without a soul.....

I was so looking forward to sitting in my little terrace garden in the winter & spring with my mom,enjoying the sunlight,the blooming flowers,the bees & the butterflies......It's my first winter without mom & it feels like a cruel joke to me.Infact life itself feels like a sick joke....I can feel your pain...sometimes I miss her so much I feel I won't make it through the day...but somehow time just keeps on ticking & I'm still here,still alive,still missing her like crazy while the rest of the world keeps moving on like she never even existed....gone without a trace....I don’t want to grieve so hard anymore,it’s sucking the life out of me,but at the same time if I don’t remember her,or cry for her I feel like I’m dishonoring her memory,like I’m try to push her out of my head,when it’s up to me to keep her alive in my heart.But doing that hurts ,so bad,like somebody is splitting me in half.

I wish I could offer some helpful advice.First of all you can't go through this alone.Talk to someone sympathetic about it,a friend ,sibling...I wish I could say time will heal,not really,you'll just learn to live with your pain.The void left by her absence will never fill up & will always hurt like an open wound but you'll learn to adapt,pay attention to the other aspects of your life & find some comfort there.Take comfort in the thought that our loved ones are now at peace,their suffering has ended while we're just biding our time,living out the rest of our lives as best we can till we are united with them again.Keep writing in,sharing your pain with others who're going through the same will help.One day at a time.....no one hour at a time, take it one our at a time......

>>> Love & hugs

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Every morning I wake up the realization hits me my momma is gone forever and I will never see her smiling face again. It's to much to take I.go into her room and sit in her recliner where I.can still smell.her scent and.cry, I cry her her I miss her so much and want nothing more than for god to take me to heaven to be with her again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

To Linda: My heart goes out to you. I am in the same situation and i was so close to my mother. I miss her smiley face every day too and her love she had for me.

I know what you mean i do the same thing only your lucky to be surrounded by her things. Try to appreciate them. I am living in a different place now and not getting on with my roommate very well. You have to try and keep on. It is very hard. I am in the same situation and i am by myself completly. Only daughter. I am here to talk if you need to.

God bless us all at this difficult time.

Debbie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Debbie thanks.... yesterday for some reason was very difficult I woke up crying went to work still crying had to come home early I.just couldn't get my emotions under control. I.cried all night.

I sat in her room alot and just cried. I.miss her so much. I feel.so.alone and empty inside. Everyone says they dream if their lost ones but I go to sleep every night hoping to dream of my momma at least in my dreams I could see her talk to her but I haven't dreamt of her

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I cry alot too and i have to get a lawyer. Mine died in a nursing home and she shouldn't have.

Try not to think that you won't see her again. Try not to think like that. Try to remember her and the good times you shared. I know easier said than done. Lord have mercy. May the lord bless and keep us. I am so sad with all this holiday cheer and i feel like nothing matters sometimes but i keep on, going to the gym, swimming, etc. I have my masters degree i am working on. I have some of her clothes in my room and some of her other stuff i keep it close including her pictures. I don't understand why this all happened but it did.

I will pray for you and i both. Debbie

Every morning I wake up the realization hits me my momma is gone forever and I will never see her smiling face again. It's to much to take I.go into her room and sit in her recliner where I.can still smell.her scent and.cry, I cry her her I miss her so much and want nothing more than for god to take me to heaven to be with her again.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Christmas mom.always made very special and since.losing her 16 days ago.everyday has been so hard. How.will.I.get.through tomorrow? I.feel.like no one.really understands what I am going thru and expects me to just pick myself up.and.go on, how do.I.do.that without my momma, my best friend, my protector so.hard to.explain.she.was.everything to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'm so sorry. I lost my mom Nov. 10th and today was still so hard. 16 days ago is really, really recent. My heart goes out to you. I too wake up re-realizing she is gone. I spend a lot of time dwelling on the times we didn't get along.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Linda i felt very bad today, was very emotional just wanted to run away from it all. I sometimes wish god would take me also. I usually don't feel this way but i did today. Nothing is going right, people i meet always want something from me unlike my mother. I am so tired of the bull.

Anyway, I am hoping for a better week ahead.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I woke up.this morning at 5am put the turkey in the oven then went to my mommas room.and sat in.her recliner and just.talked.to.her wished her a Merry Christmas and.tell.her how much I miss her. I got thru the.day as best as i could. My son called, my.little brother.and.my aunt to.see how I.was.doing. after dinner I.slept most if the afternoon ... I wonder if I.will ever feel.normal.again?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Anna I.am lucky I really ain't have any.regrets of I should have /I could haves ... anytime she needed me.and.many.times when my momma didn't I.was there taking care of her or just to be there. This all so much harder than I.thought it.would be

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Christmas mom.always made very special and since.losing her 16 days ago.everyday has been so hard. How.will.I.get.through tomorrow? I.feel.like no one.really understands what I am going thru and expects me to just pick myself up.and.go on, how do.I.do.that without my momma, my best friend, my protector so.hard to.explain.she.was.everything to me.

Linda: There is no need to explain. I lost my mom on Dec 10th and the panic I feel at times is paralyzing. I have frequent panic attacks and I too spend time asking my self the same questions over and over.

Like you, I also wanted to have something to remind me of mom - so I sleep with her pillow now. And every day is a struggle to get through. All I can do is come on this forum and try to reach out to others in similar pain and let them know they are not alone.

All I - or we- can do is pray and hope God gives us the strength to carry on.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Linda,

You will make it with God's help read your word especially Psalms 121 it has been a great help to me.I totally understand what you are saying my dad passed away in September although he didn't live with me but we were very very close we talked everyday at least 2 or 3 times a day most days. The day after he passed I went to his house and sat in his chair and could smell him and it just made me feel like he was still with me! I have days I cry alot its days I mad not with God, but with the situation I 'm catching the devil from my dad's wife and so it's like I cant grieve without having to be on the defense. But just find peace in knowing that you did everything you possibly could for your mom. Look at it this way while your mom was here she was in pain and not that she is gone she is feeling no pain so although we want our parents here with us and for us we don't want them suffering! This website has been a great outlet for me and I hope it does the same for you. I will keep you in my prayers, be blessed!

My mom came to live with me after she had a stroke 18 years ago and was diagnosed with COPD congestive heart failure and diabetes. She lived with me and my kids for 4 years then on and off as she needed to til she past away. Early this morning its been a week since she died and I am devastated. I miss her so much. I sit in her room alot cause I can still smell her scent and it makes me feel closer to her. She was placed on hospice thanksgiving morning and in less than 2 weeks she was gone. I can't eat, can't sleep. God I just miss her.... for 1 year she had been in a wheelchair and the last month bed ridden. We talked many conversations and she said she was ready to go she was tired of being in pain tired of struggling to breathe just tired. I did what she wanted because I love her alot but now she is gone and I miss walking into her room seeing her smiling face, holding my hand, telling me I am the best daughter ever her hugs kisses and our daily conversations. How do I go on without her?????

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Linda: I feel your pain. My scenario is exactly like yours, my mom had parkinsons was in a wheelchair then bed. I had to feed her, etc. I miss my mothers things, be glad you have them to hold onto. I had cleaned out my moms place and took her with me to Calif, then after we got back she was in a nursing home and they did not care for her like i did. My mom passed nov 14.

Its so hard out of the blue i start complaining, and fighting with people. I will tell you what someone said to me, " we have to learn to go on and live without them. However stay near and dear to her pictures and belongings, they bring me a sense of comfort because i have moved. Some days i say, "i wish i could go with her," but i know that doesn't make good sense. She would want you to keep on.

I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same. Blessings for a better 2012. I am also her only daughter or child. Its one tough road. I hear it gets easier as time goes on. Try to always keep her near. I bought a car today and all i thought was i wish my mother could be here to see it. She was my life also. Try to keep busy, get out of the house and try to enjoy things. We are different after a parent dies, we must make our way.

Warm wishes for 2012

Debbie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Linda: I feel your pain. My scenario is exactly like yours, my mom had parkinsons was in a wheelchair then bed. I had to feed her, etc. I miss my mothers things, be glad you have them to hold onto. I had cleaned out my moms place and took her with me to Calif, then after we got back she was in a nursing home and they did not care for her like i did. My mom passed nov 14.

Its so hard out of the blue i start complaining, and fighting with people. I will tell you what someone said to me, " we have to learn to go on and live without them. However stay near and dear to her pictures and belongings, they bring me a sense of comfort because i have moved. Some days i say, "i wish i could go with her," but i know that doesn't make good sense. She would want you to keep on.

I know exactly how you feel. I feel the same. Blessings for a better 2012. I am also her only daughter or child. Its one tough road. I hear it gets easier as time goes on. Try to always keep her near. I bought a car today and all i thought was i wish my mother could be here to see it. She was my life also. Try to keep busy, get out of the house and try to enjoy things. We are different after a parent dies, we must make our way.

Warm wishes for 2012

Debbie

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

This past week has been really hard. Its been 3 weeks since my momma has past away and with each day I miss her more and more.

On.top of my mom.passing away. 2 days after returning to work was told my project was being put on hold so now I am unemployed also. Just isn't helping with my depression

I have seriously thought about.just taking all my Meds and just.end it and go be with my momma. The only thing keeping me from doing that is my 2 kids. I wouldn't want them to.go thru what I am right now

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Linda,

You can repent for alot of things but taking your own life isnt one of them! Please just pray , I know that it may not seem like everything is going to be ok but it is! I know its hard for you because its hard for me , but we are not the author and finsisher of our own fate Jesus is, so please push on. I will be praying for you and look to the good memories you have made with your mom and also let everything your mother has instilled in you take you through life. I know that the economy may look bad but whatever God has for you is for you! I lost my job and I had just moved so I applied for several positions that I thought I fully qualified for, but I kept getting rejection letters and so I took a part time job in retail making minimum wage and worked that job for about five months and a job I had applied for over a year ago called me for a interview all I could do was give God glory , the next day I went to the interview and found out the position was part time so I was kind of down about that but I accepted the job and December 20, 2011 was suppose to be my last day and I had been hearing rumors that the person that I was filling in for was'nt coming back but I wanted to hear it from my supervisor, so I continued to pray and Monday 12-19-11 the supervisor called all temp. staff to her office and she told us that we all were hire! God moves in his time not ours. I really want you to just know that nothing in life just happens all our steps have been pre-determined. Suicide is not an option your mother would not have wanted it they way, and your kids need you! Look at it this way you need this time to get yourself together and tie up loose ends with matters concerning your mom's estate. Spend time with your kids and take time out for you. Start putting in applications , pray and let God have his way. I will continue to pray for you.

This past week has been really hard. Its been 3 weeks since my momma has past away and with each day I miss her more and more.

On.top of my mom.passing away. 2 days after returning to work was told my project was being put on hold so now I am unemployed also. Just isn't helping with my depression

I have seriously thought about.just taking all my Meds and just.end it and go be with my momma. The only thing keeping me from doing that is my 2 kids. I wouldn't want them to.go thru what I am right now

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Linda...I too just loss my mom on October 15th this year. She was my best friend. I took care of her for eleven years and now I feel lost. I understand your pain. I will pray for you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

This past week has been really hard. Its been 3 weeks since my momma has past away and with each day I miss her more and more.

On.top of my mom.passing away. 2 days after returning to work was told my project was being put on hold so now I am unemployed also. Just isn't helping with my depression

I have seriously thought about.just taking all my Meds and just.end it and go be with my momma. The only thing keeping me from doing that is my 2 kids. I wouldn't want them to.go thru what I am right now

Linda..I am sorry for the loss of your Mom. I understand how you are feeling lost and as if there is nothing to keep you going. But that is not the case. Your mother would not want you to even consider what you have just told us. Do you have a family member or friend that you are able to confide in? Someone that is there for you and you can be honest with about your feelings?

Perhaps your project that was put on hold will be reconsidered and they will call you back to finish it. You have no way of knowing for certain what options the future holds if you close the door.

I have experienced the other side to suicide. I am the family member of one who lost his way. I can tell you with all certainity that he was not thinking clearly when he made that awful choice. Your life is not yours to take. It belongs to God. If you harm yourself others will be hurt beyond measure. Your children need you to stay strong for them. Perhaps you can consider taking anti-depressants or speaking to a grief counsellor. Your pain is understandable right now. It can seem overwhelming and as if nobody else is able to understand. You are wrong. Is there a suicide outreach line you can call? They may be able to give you advice that will help you to see that there is help and hope out there. Please think about calling them. Everyone here on this site has lost a significant person in their lives. We know the full extent of the pain you are feeling. Keep posting and talking. It helps to stay in touch with others that understand. We're all in this together. (HUGS)

Take care.

Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today has been extremely hard. Seems.harder than xmas maybe because its a new year and mom.isn't here. God I.miss her so much. I do sit in her room and it makes me feel.closer to her. Today is the first time I got off the couch in.days. tomorrow I.am going to.call the mental health center, I know I need help. My finale is here and my girls but I have never felt more alone than I.do now after losing mom. I can't take these feelings.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today has been extremely hard. Seems.harder than xmas maybe because its a new year and mom.isn't here. God I.miss her so much. I do sit in her room and it makes me feel.closer to her. Today is the first time I got off the couch in.days. tomorrow I.am going to.call the mental health center, I know I need help. My finale is here and my girls but I have never felt more alone than I.do now after losing mom. I can't take these feelings.

Sweetie, it's ok. I know how much you are hurting. And I am glad that you are wanting to talk about it. Linda...I know you are hurting about losing your Mom. Tell me a little about her. Was she close to your kids? When my Mom died I was in a fog for ages. You are going through normal grief feelings. It hurts beyond words to lose someone you have loved so deeply. But if you have faith and go with your gut instinct...you will know that this is a temporary separation. You will see her again when it is meant to be. She would want you to be strong and carry on for not just your children... but for yourself. We are here for you to talk and to open up to. Don't lose heart. You will get it back again. Grief can seem like a blanket that throws itself over you and you are smothering. It will lift with work and time. Focus on the loving memories you have of your Mom and the future of your beautiful little ones. Dedicate their future to honouring her memory in a positive way. You can do it. Just take one day at a time and don't be too hard on yourself. Hang in there. Send me a message any time.

Kate

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kate I have 3 kids 2 girls which are 24 and 17 and a son that is almost 19. My mom lived with us for 18 years and so she helped raise them with me all 3 of them were very close to her.and each had their own special bond with mom.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I can see that your mom played a huge role in your life. When I read over your previous posts I also see that she told you that she was tired and ready to go. To watch somebody that you love slowly decline is a very painful thing. I have walked in your shoes and I remember how difficult it is to feel as if you are not going to get through this. But believe me...you will. My own mom spent four years in a hospital slowly and painfully dying. It killed me to watch how hard she tried to hold on. But eventually she became very tired and longed for release. I cried for her loss, but I cried for my own need for her as well. It takes a fair amount of time to begin to rebuild your life. You will eventually find that you and your children will move ahead. Take all of the good things your mom taught you and put them into motion. She'll be proud of you for doing that. And it will help you to feel better to honour her memory this way.

I'm sorry about the job loss. I know this is a hard time due to the economic downturn. When you become overwhelmed...then take one day at as time. Stay focused on doing only a few things at once. And do them! Be kind to yourself. Take vitamins, eat properly and get as much rest as you are able. It takes time. Hang in there. And keep posting whenever you want to vent. It helps. Take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Kate thank you for your reply. Yes me and my momma had an extroadinary bond and I miss her so much.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

The bond that develops between a mother and her children is not broken through death. Sometimes we find it actually helps us to fully understand just how precious and strong it is. Stay close to your kids and keep your mom's memories close to your heart. She will always be there for you.Take care.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Thank you. I was sitting in moms room and thinking over the past 20 years all the times we had and what an extroadinary relationship I had with my mom. I had the most amazing momma ever, all my cousins use to refer to my parents as the Clevers. Mom was that mom that stayed home baked cookies, got on the floor and played babies or color with us, we played board games all the time ever since I could barley walk. She was amazing and hope I am half the mother to my kids as mom was to me.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Hi Linda, it sounds as if your Mom was a great mother. Obviously she put her family first above all else. And look at the wonderful memories she has left for you to cherish. She had set a great example for you to follow. When the initial grief wears off you are going to hold all those lovely memories very dear and close to your heart. She sounds like she was a terrific person. You were very lucky to have her for your Mom. Take care of yourself and remember it takes one day at a time to get past this pain and move forward in a positive way.

Kate :)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.