Mike

[KayC]

Many of you have heard me speak of Kodie's playdate, Jazzy, and her parents, Mike and Iris.

Mike went into the hospital two days ago with gallbladder problems, but I have since learned he also had a severely damaged heart from Covid 1 year 4 months ago, low BP, ALL (cancer of the blood, no cure), and he's Diabetic.  He is dying or perhaps is already gone as I speak.  I learned all this right before bedtime last night.  He didn't want me to know...perhaps he couldn't handle my expression.  We often sat out on the patio watching the dogs play and talking.

The dogs haven't played for 8 days, the guy hasn't put in their gate after pouring cement, it's off track, stuck between open and closed, you can get a car through maybe, he didn't show yesterday so Jazzy will be stuck on her zipline thinking she's in trouble, missing her dad, wondering where Kodie is.  My heart goes out to Iris, she will be in shock, super grief fog...Mike's kids are coming today.

I'm stunned.  Could not sleep last night.  I told Kodie but I'm sure it'll take a long while before it sinks in, nothing is as it was.

[foreverhis]

Oh Kay, I am so sorry you are stressed with yet another loss. I hope you and Kodie are able to help Iris and Jazzy through this dark and painful time.💔❤️

[widower2]

8 hours ago, foreverhis said:

Oh Kay, I am so sorry you are stressed with yet another loss. I hope you and Kodie are able to help Iris and Jazzy through this dark and painful time.💔❤️

I can't say it better than that. My thoughts are with you Kay. 

[Gail 8588]

Kay, I am so sorry. Prayers for Mike and Iris.  

These changes are really rough.  We have a routine, people we rely on for basic human interaction, they form the basis of our life without our soulmate. When that structure crumbles with a loss, it can feel like a huge setback. 

I worry about losing these support structures (dear friends) in my life too. My BIL is fighting brain cancer, my close friend is having some serious health issues. 

A different BIL died suddenly from a heart attack. I grieve his death and miss him as a person. But he was also someone I could rely on for help for things my husband used to take care of.  (Car repairs, plumbers, electricians etc). 

It sometimes feels like these support people, who give our lives stability, are slipping away. It's hard. 

Hugs

Gail

[KayC]

Mike is often the only person I'd talk to all day.  I haven't seen him for nine days. 

The gate guy didn't show up again, it's stuck open and off rail.  Jazzy got home and we went down there, both dogs free and stayed in the yard like good kids (had to watch Jazzy like a hawk).  I was so proud of them!  Iris' SIL came and got the gate on last night!  Today I'll let Jazzy out of her kennel three times, was going to go to Bible Study but this trumps that.  ICU opens at 8 and it takes 1 1/2 hours to get there so they'll leave at 6:30 am.  Mike is coming home on Hospice but don't know when.  Heart at 20%.

Oh Gail, I'm sorry you're going through this too, losing people we love is so hard, whether suddenly or bit by bit.

[Deborah_M]

KayC:  Just read your post about Mike:  I am so sorry, is there anything I can do for you?  It's strange but my brother's name is also MIke,  he is a yr older than me and he is my main support line.(lives in Colorado)  He is dealing with cancer right now, I worry about him all the time.  What would I do without him.  I personally understand how you feel right now.  God has a reason for everything, Now he is depending on you to help Iris.  My prayers go out to both of you.  🙏

[foreverhis]

14 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I worry about losing these support structures (dear friends) in my life too. My BIL is fighting brain cancer, my close friend is having some serious health issues. 

Gail, I'm so sorry to hear this.  And I'm afraid I have to pile on my own bad news.

I hadn't talked to my SIL (John's sister who we're very close to) in more than 2 weeks, what with the flooding storms and damage, being laser-focused on crazy town cat, and getting ready to visit friends for a few days.  I called last night so we could catch up and to see if she had time for lunch when I am in her area.  She sounded exhausted when she answered.  Turns out my BIL is in the hospital.  He had four serious falls one right after the other one day and then couldn't walk.  This barely 8 weeks after he fell and broke his wrist, requiring surgery.  The specialists are having trouble making a full diagnosis, but ultimately, he's going to have to go to full time rehab for weeks.  And the only local one is the same one where their father died several years ago.  She admitted she is really scared.  This is a woman who can be stoic in the face of many, many things.  For her to say it out loud, she has to be truly frightened that she will lose him.  They're in their late 70s, so the possibility is hitting her hard.  On top of that, he tested positive for COVID when he was admitted to the hospital, though he had no symptoms, so their visits are limited and some days, she can't see him in person at all.

It's not hopeless, but it's definitely serious.  She just doesn't know what's going to happen next.

[Gail 8588]

I am so sorry for your SIL and her husband. I hope the doctors can figure out what is going wrong and that he recovers. 

For those of us in our "golden" years it is a legitimate concern when our senior friends and family (or ourselves) have health issues.  

Sometimes it feels like a giant game of Jenga where one by one a support plank is removed until the whole tower comes crashing down. 

We all have had our life structure implode when our soulmate died. 

I feel have built back a shakier, less stable framework, that allows me to function in the world again. But I do have some fear that if too many of my supports are removed, I will be lost in the rubble again.

I try to remain positive, that I'll improvise, adjust, adapt.  Then I slip into the thought that everything would be so much easier if John were still here.

Just rambling tonight, missing my sweetie.

Gail

[foreverhis]

1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said:

Then I slip into the thought that everything would be so much easier if John were still here.

Indeed!

La Destructa, aka Cosi, was irked that I put her in the bathroom with her litter box and bed for 30 minutes tonight.  She used her potty and thinking, "Mom uses this," I guess, she took a full roll of toilet paper off the top of the toilet and shredded the life out of it.  She is into paper, as most cats are, but hasn't bothered the TP unless it's on the holder...until now. 

I was a bit sweaty from finishing a task and in a bit of pain.  I cursed (to myself) and said, "Oh Cosi.  Why did you do that?"  John would have made me laugh about it right away as we were cleaning up the shreddings.  I wish he was here with me and this young, smart, stubborn, frustrating, funny, loving, beautiful girl.

[KayC]

20 hours ago, LostThomas said:

What's going on with your hands?

I've had 14 hand injuries, over half of them major.  The most recent was deep 2nd degree burns all over my palm and finger, and the flesh came off of it.  Still healing, superficial 2nd degree burns heal in 2-3 weeks, most within 7, but mine is the worst I've seen or felt.  It actually did damage so my forefinger crosses slightly over the middle finger.  With all the injuries (mostly dog bites, a hard yank, botched surgery, overzealous dermatologist) it has left me with continual pain and numbness and about 10% strength.  I get by but it is hard and people don't realize what it is to be only 70 and live with something so debilitating.

13 hours ago, foreverhis said:

He had four serious falls one right after the other one day and then couldn't walk.  This barely 8 weeks after he fell and broke his wrist, requiring surgery. 

Oh no!  Praying for him.  I'm so sorry.

Yesterday we rescued Jazzy (their dog) from her kennel and they played hard for 1 1/2 hours, then again another hour after I ate, then I left bible study early to come let her out as Iris said she wouldn't be back until after dark...their driveway was full of family so we turned around and left.  Another day like it today.  I don't know how long this will continue before he can be home on hospice.  Nor how he can get rest when all these people are visiting him in the hospital, I hope the nurses do what they do best.  He won't get "better," not at 20% heart function.  He is out of ICU now though.

[KayC]

When I went back in the afternoon to let Jazzy out again...they were home.  Jazzy's heart wasn't into playing, she knows something's up.  Iris went to bed.  Mike's daughter told me he's dying and sent them home.  Haven't heard anything since.  The texting quit on my cell phone and that's Iris' way of communicating...

[KayC]

Iris called me as I was trying the hospital (held 10 min. and gave up when she beeped in) thankfully I have a landline...they told her Mike is unresponsive.  Going to her place in a bit so Kodie and Jazzy can have a play date if Jazzy is up to it.  She said Jazzy knows something is up and is depressed.    I know the feeling.

[KayC]

Mike is gone...yesterday.  She's having a memorial in ID with family and then a potluck remembrance here later on.  
Jazzy was outside when we went down there, they played for a bit but their hearts weren't really in it, I think they knew something...

Called Iris, messaging came on, left my condolences.  Not sure what/when her plans are...Mike is the one who always filled me in.  I'm going to miss him so much...already am.

[Sparky1]

Kay, we all hate hearing bad news. Especially when it's a good neighbour and friend that is a part of your life. My heart goes out to you.

[Roxeanne]

Oh Kay so sorry...lose a good friend is terrible...i think also to his wife ill and now alone!

Yes our furry friends understand...😔

It's true that life is a continuous loss and we have to learn from the pain...

Send love and prayers to you

 

[movingon]

KayC I am so sorry for you, for Mike's family. Terrible news. My heart is with you...

[Alone. Again.]

I'm so very sorry Kay. Thinking of you and sending love.

[foreverhis]

Big hugs to you and Kodie, Kay.  I’m so sorry you lost your friend and Jazzy lost her dad.💔

Animals always know. They sense our emotions and have their own as well.  

Miss Raleigh was a mess when her feline sister was dying almost 2 years ago now. Raleigh fussed, cared for both her humans and her sister, and was exhausted. One day her dad called and asked if I could take her at the last minute. He wanted alone time with their sweet 16 year old cat because they had called to schedule a home visit to lift her up out of her suffering the next day.

Of course I said yes. Raleigh did about 2 minutes of playing to get her treat. Then she collapsed on her blanket and my lap and slept for almost 3 hours. She knew and she grieved.

Iris and Jazzy will need both you and Kodie. I know you will be there for them when they need it.❤️

[AJ4]

I'm so sorry Kay.  I just have virtual hugs.    

[KayC]

Phone started working again yesterday so one less thing to deal with.  Iris texted me to call her, I was at church, stepped outside and called her, she's planning a trip to ID in the Spring for the memorial, and something back here later.  I notified a neighbor across the street, she'd already called him, so she's making calls.  Took Kodie to play with Jazzy, her heart's not in it much, poor girl, she's depressed, we try to show her love and divert her attention a bit, but it's so hard trying to help an animal through this.  Iris said Jazzy laid under Mike's desk...

[Gail 8588]

Kay, 

So sorry about Mike. I know you will will be a great support to Iris and Jazzy as you deal with your own grief of losing a good friend.   So hard. 

Gail

[widower2]

I am very sorry Kay. life. ugh. 

[KayC]

Thanks.

Cellphone didn't work yesterday, must be the cell tower, IDK, not stressing over it, it's an inconvenience, nothing more.

Recommended someone to stay there when Iris has to be gone for 1-2 weeks...talked with her, she wants to pay $20-30/day, that's a bit low, I'm thinking more like $50, even dog kenneling is $35 or more.  I'll let them hash it out.

One day at a time...

 

[movingon]

On 2/7/2023 at 7:40 AM, KayC said:

Thanks.

Cellphone didn't work yesterday, must be the cell tower, IDK, not stressing over it, it's an inconvenience, nothing more.

Recommended someone to stay there when Iris has to be gone for 1-2 weeks...talked with her, she wants to pay $20-30/day, that's a bit low, I'm thinking more like $50, even dog kenneling is $35 or more.  I'll let them hash it out.

One day at a time...

 

Kay...how are you doing? 

[KayC]

I want to say okay but this is a loss that will be deeply felt for years.  Poor Jazzy didn't want to play yesterday.  She's a 2 1/2 year old Husky so that says a lot.

 

[I miss you so much]

Just sending my condoleances and a hug

[movingon]

I'm so sorry Kay, you have been through and carried alot of pain with your losses...yes it's sad when pets mourn, we can't explain to them about death, we can only give them extra special attention. My 4 1/2 yr old dog spent weeks sitting in the driveway where John parked his car.. waiting for him. And since his death, he now sleeps on John's pillow at night while I read, he always went to sleep in the living room or basement, so it's sweet he's on John's pillow now. 

[KayC]

Iris and I are both giving her attention and love and Kodie is doing his best to engage her...it's just she has this to go through.  I know someone whose whippet DIED grieving him being gone on his honeymoon!  It was heartbreaking.  Whippets are particularly sensitive (I used to have one). 

21 hours ago, maud said:

And since his death, he now sleeps on John's pillow at night while I read

And I'm glad you let him.  

[foreverhis]

On 2/9/2023 at 8:07 AM, maud said:

And since his death, he now sleeps on John's pillow at night while I read

This is so touching. They know; our animal companions always know and love and grieve.

I had something similar happen with Cosi, the 1 year old part Bengal rescue cat I adopted right after New Year. As recommended, she spent 2 nights in our large bathroom so as not to be overwhelmed with the whole house. Then I brought her into our huge master bedroom. It was the first night of the destructive storms, so I was worried she would be terrified. Instead, she got up on the bed with me, already starting to trust I would keep her safe.

So we’re lying there in a power outage with the storm raging and emergency lights giving relief from the dark. She burrowed a bit and discovered John’s pillow (always been on his side of the bed; always will be). She sniff-sniffed it. Then she reached out and pulled it towards her. She sniffed again, clearly scenting something my human senses no longer smell after 4 years. She kneaded it a moment, sighed, and snuggled down next to me with her body stretched between his pillows and my arm.

She slept that way for hours, calm and relaxed for the first time in probably months. It brought tears to my eyes thinking that even after all that time, she could sense his kind presence and his love.

On days she’s driving me crazy and I think I must have been insane to let her claim me, I remember that first night and know it was the right choice to bring her home forever.

[movingon]

2 hours ago, foreverhis said:

On days she’s driving me crazy and I think I must have been insane to let her claim me, I remember that first night and know it was the right choice to bring her home forever.

That's funny! My other dog, he's 15 months and hyper crazy but he's been my shadow from day 1. Throughout John's cancer he would jump up on the bed and cuddle on my pillow and we would end up hugging. I couldn't cuddle with John as much because he was in pain and unbearably thin and I know just resting my hand on his poor bones caused him discomfort. So I felt like my little shadow dog was comforting me, he knew what was happening. 

[KayC]

I'm so glad you have your pets to keep you company!  They can be amazing.

Kodie continuing trying to engage Jazzy.  Animals know...

[movingon]

Gosh, me too! I really love watching my 2 interacting, I'm imagining now Kodie trying to lift Jazzys spirits. They really are amazing 

[KayC]

Today is Mike's Remembrance at 12:30, we leave here at 11:30 to set up, it'll be about 1 1/2 hours.  I imagine Iris has it all planned out, she's very outgoing and gregarious!  Ha, I think I used to be that way more...a lifetime ago.  Maybe not in the same way but in my own way.  Made a plate of goodies to take...

Will see how this goes.  I only know I miss him and am still in shock over his death.  Life has changed.

[KayC]

Thank you, Sim.  I couldn't sleep last night, this all just felt a bit much...Iris did really well, she only cried once, same with his daughter.  I spent some time with her later in the day.
She told me when she thought of me living up here on the mountain all alone all these years, it inspired her that she can do it too.  I persevere, not sure how else I'd survive.

We're getting two ft of snow in 24 hours starting tonight...we'll see.

[Gail 8588]

Kay,

I am glad the big snow held off until after the memorial for Mike.   As hard as  it was, it was a blessing that people could come and show their love and support for Iris and their daughter.  

I'm sure you are an inspiration to Iris, that it is possible to continue living on the mountain without Mike there.

Thinking of you, Kodie and Panther as this next snowstorm moves in today. Stay safe and warm.

Gail

[movingon]

I don't know how you do it Kay, you really are an inspiration...I'm glad Iris has you there. And I wish it would stop snowing for you, you need a break !

[KayC]

It's starting tonight...praying it's less rather than more!

1 hour ago, Gail 8588 said:

I am glad the big snow held off until after the memorial for Mike.

Me too, it was a beautiful day! In the low 50s.  I thought of that and counted it as something to be grateful for!

[Gail 8588]

Kay,

Thinking of you today with all the snow falling in your area.  Stay safe and warm.  Give Kodie belly rubs. It is a blessing that you have Kodie with you. 

Gail

[KayC]

Thank you. I was up shoveling at 2:30 am.  Time to do it again but I'll wait for daylight.  I heard the plow go by so will have the berm they left in addition to all the snow that's come down since.

Left in charge of the diabetic group as the admin. had to go to the hospital.

Yes it is a blessing to have Kodie.

[KayC]

Thank you, the snow continues, it's 20 degrees, usually it gets its coldest at 7 am, it's not quite 3 now.

[foreverhis]

Hi Kay. Yikes! That’s unbearably cold (at least, it is to me)!  And if your forecast is like ours, you have even more to come from this Arctic Blast.

We have had nearly 2 inches of rain in 14 hours with 1-1/2 to 2 more forecast by midnight. Then another couple of inches Saturday through Monday with another storm immediately following. A few days break, then yet another cold storm.

We did have a 2 week break, but the ground water level is really high, so things are already flooding again. Because it’s an Arctic storm, we also had and are predicted to have snow at very low elevations. The view of the hills from the bay yesterday was breathtaking with the entire north county and from a few miles inland (always colder in the winter and hotter in the summer than directly near the coast) covered with a gentle blanket of snow. It even snowed at Hearst Castle Wednesday night. The forecast is for even more snow over the weekend. It’s not a “never” thing, but measurable snow like this is rare. Even the coast is under a freeze and snow warning.

Our highs are in the low 40s with lows down to freezing right on the ocean. It’s been a really cold winter for us with nearly constant temperatures near freezing on clear nights over the past 3+ months . It’s unusual to have freezing temperatures and precipitation forecast at the same time.

We already had well over our entire average yearly rainfall between December and January.  At least the reservoirs will be full, but I worry about statewide flooding from the snow melt later this spring and summer.

OTOH, the wildflower bloom should be incredible this year and the waterfalls should be spectacular. That makes me sad in a way because John and I would always take day trips inland to the wildflower fields on years like this. And we used to go to Yosemite to camp or stay in a cabin every couple of years. I well remember hiking to various falls when they were full flowing.

One of my favorite pictures of John is him in front of Yosemite falls, having hiked/climbed part way up and standing on a boulder, looking back at the girls and me, and tipping his favorite straw hat.  I finally found the negative so I can have it reprinted and frame it again. The original enlargement is so faded that it looks unreal.

Stay warm and safe with your wonderful Kodie. I will keep you in my heart today and every day.❤️

[KayC]

We have two day respite from the long snowstorm so I took Kodie with me to make the 100 mile round trip trek to the valley for groceries as it'd been two weeks and could easily be another month or so before I can get out again.  I haven't even thought about taxes yet, too busy shoveling snow.  I vacuumed yesterday only to make a huge mess loading the fire last night.  Sigh, can't keep things clean for even a day.  Tonight snow for as long as we can see...

I'm so sorry about the rain!  That is a lot!  Thank God you don't have to shovel it, if it was snow it'd be ten times that much.