Lost mother and intimacy in my marriage

[JesstheMess]

I lost my mother unexpectedly over a year ago on 10/26/2021. It was a big loss and traumatic for me and my core and extended family. Since I lost my mother I have not been able to be intimate with my husband. I am guessing a big part of it is depression. But did any else experience this after the loss of a parent and if so how did you overcome it?

[JadaHerme201920]

I did. I’m so sorry for the loss and pain and anguish you feel. It’s so hard.  I don’t know how I found it again- it was slow. I would go walking at this beautiful lake near me for hours. I would run away and go to the movies all day. I would lock the doors and take long baths.  I needed to be alone but I did reject my husband.  It was har d on my children. All four various ages. I found healing thru prayer and going to church sometimes then I didn’t. I had to run again. Painful.  Today I’m taking a moment for me- Alone! I need it. I sent our teenage son with his Dad to work on the truck. All of our daughters are grown now and I’m a grandmother.  This has bought me joy in sadness- I love them both so much. Wish she could have seen them. Again take it slow and include him in your world sometimes even if it’s just laying by you. Holding each other or a caress.  Go on a walk or laugh, I tried it all even a room. I had to be free to feel again 

[Traz]

Hi Jess,

That happened to me too. It's hard to feel intimate with your husband when you have suffered such a big loss. I'm sorry you have to face life without your Mom now. Mine has been gone since September 2019 and I feel your anguish. 

For myself, losing my Mom has been the most profoundly sad event I've ever experienced and the road back to any kind of 'normal' has been hard. Also, the pandemic was brutal on everyone's mental health and an unexpected death on top of that is enough for anyone to feel depressed.

I hope your husband is understanding and patient. There are other ways to be close and feel connected until you are in a better place. I'm sure there are very good couple's therapists out there too who have experience with this issue. 

You're not alone and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Traz