Do your happy memories bring you comfort or do they make it harder?

[TGold]

I’m asking for two reasons.  I wrestle with this because the happy memories we shared can make me cry so hard and they can also make me smile - sometimes at the same time.  I was wondering if they brought you happiness, and if so, if you’d be willing to share one (only if it was helpful).  

On our first date, I was living in Atlanta at the time, and we met downtown. As we were getting to know each other, he suddenly stops mid sentence and swings his arms wildly to stop a cop on a Segway specifically to ask him if he’d ever seen the movie Mall Cop.  He got the dirtiest look ever and right then I knew he had already passed one of my must-haves in a relationship - laughter.  He then proceeded to take me to one of those revolving restaurants where it turns and you can see different views of the city. It was very elegant.  I ever so suavely put my purse down on the ledge and after several minutes went by, I panicked, realizing it was gone. I bolted up and had to clumsily run between tables to chase it as it revolved around with the restaurant. As I reflect on this memory from a decade ago, I think how crazy it is that on that date, I had no idea that the man sitting across from me would be the one I’d fall madly in love with and eventually marry.  I also didn’t realize that I would never live down the story of having to chase after my purse.

[TGold]

@LostThomas I love your  story so much. You were your own people, not clones of each other - having your own tastes and preferences but understood each other at such a deep level and cherished your differences but taking it a step further to celebrate them. I always follow your posts and it’s so clear how deeply you loved each other. My eyes are watering.  Thank you for sharing.

[KayC]

13 hours ago, TGold said:

I ever so suavely put my purse down on the ledge and after several minutes went by, I panicked, realizing it was gone. I bolted up and had to clumsily run between tables to chase it as it revolved around with the restaurant.

I love this memory!  In the early days of grief memories of him and our life together brought me immense sadness, now it carries me through the rest of this life I must do alone.  I wish they didn't seem so long ago, the best years of my life along with having my kids.

[widower2]

"Yes" is my short answer.

[Neight]

I got a story...it was 9+ years ago and my wife was pregnant with our daughter. We decided to take one of those "new parents" classes at the hospital she was going to be born at. Fine and good. We want to be prepared for anything. What we were not prepared for was "mini baby." It was the CPR baby. So the instructor starts expaining infant CPR and I dont know WTF happened but we both started laughing hysterically every time the instructor said "mini baby." Like nitous oxide laughing. People looked at us like we were the last people mature enough to keep a baby alive. Very inappropriate and embarressing at the time, and its one of the best memories i have of her. ❤️

[KayC]

4 hours ago, Neight said:

we both started laughing hysterically every time the instructor said "mini baby." Like nitous oxide laughing. People looked at us like we were the last people mature enough to keep a baby alive.

I love it!  Thank you for sharing!  You gave me my first smile of the day!

[Roxeanne]

With time i smile  remember my funny moments with him....but sometimes i want so much that life back...that pain breaks his banks again!

Yesterday i cried for that! But if even tears are now a relief...i think we will never healing so much to forget the life with him! 

Impossible🙏

 

[foreverhis]

20 hours ago, widower2 said:

"Yes" is my short answer.

Absolutely. It’s both. Sometimes at the same time.

[AJ4]

Some days I have felt like the happy memories are the only thing I have.  They are precious.  Of course, they aren't the only thing I have. I have family, and pets, and purpose in my job, and friends.  But the happy memories are very precious.  Sometimes the shock of them can still take my breath away when I get reminded by going to a place we went together or doing a thing we did together.   

While he was getting chemo sometimes he would have good days and we would go for a walk together.  Once we walked in the cold through the park with our dog and ended up at a bar and grill with outdoor seating.  He usually never wanted to stop in the middle of a walk and eat but this time he did so we sat outside with the dog and had a burger and fries and split one beer between us.  It was a really good time.  Pepper the dog also loves french fries.  

 

[Jcon32]

It's really nice for the time but then i just miss her so much and so hard. I almost try to not think a lot. Sometimes I'm just too nervous to continue thinking of the good memories when they come in my head because the moments after hits me so hard and makes me want one more hug or one more moment. I do constantly think of happy memories of her because they seem to come out of nowhere but i kind of try to just let them come naturally because its so hard to deal with the aftermath 😕

[KayC]

11 hours ago, AJ4 said:

While he was getting chemo sometimes he would have good days and we would go for a walk together.  Once we walked in the cold through the park with our dog and ended up at a bar and grill with outdoor seating.  He usually never wanted to stop in the middle of a walk and eat but this time he did so we sat outside with the dog and had a burger and fries and split one beer between us.  It was a really good time.  Pepper the dog also loves french fries.  

I'm so glad you have this memory.  

8 hours ago, Jcon32 said:

i kind of try to just let them come naturally because its so hard to deal with the aftermath

[movingon]

I'm still in disbelief mode, I was putting together some pictures for a tribute some of my husband's childhood friends want to do in the spring. I was so-so until I got to pictures of a short local trip we took on the lake. I just stared and thought...I will never go anywhere with him ever again. It was like a thunderclap..the realization. too much...too much to believe it's over, all of it. 

[KayC]

10 hours ago, maud said:

I will never go anywhere with him ever again.

Not this side of heaven perhaps, perhaps I'm a Pollyanna, but I believe we'll be together again, it keeps me going.

[RichS]

Seeing pictures of my wife often bring me comfort when I feel blessed to have had her in my life; and sometimes sadness because she is no longer with us. One thing I know for sure is this: I cannot watch any videos of my wife. Not right now, maybe never.

My son and I talked about this recently. I won’t stop him from watching videos of her, if it brings him joy. I’ll just leave the room and walk far away from it. It’s sometimes confusing trying to figure out how our individual minds work.

[KayC]

You know what helps me?  My husband used to leave post-it notes around the house where I'd find them...in the kitchen, bathroom, laundry room cupboards, etc.  I have not taken them down.  I look at them still and the message is afresh and touches my soul.  The only man who ever loved me through and through, he got me, understood me, and I him.  And although we could talk to each other and did...it wasn't needed, we knew each other's hearts and souls.

[widower2]

On 1/23/2023 at 5:17 AM, RichS said:

Seeing pictures of my wife often bring me comfort when I feel blessed to have had her in my life; and sometimes sadness because she is no longer with us. One thing I know for sure is this: I cannot watch any videos of my wife. Not right now, maybe never.

My son and I talked about this recently. I won’t stop him from watching videos of her, if it brings him joy. I’ll just leave the room and walk far away from it. It’s sometimes confusing trying to figure out how our individual minds work.

I can certainly understand that, but it's good that you will always have the choice. My beloved was ridiculously camera shy and so I have almost no videos of her at all, and curse myself for not being more insistent about it and/or just thinking to do it when I had the chance. Pictures are all well and fine, but they can't compare to having videos.

[AJ4]

I barely have any videos of my husband either.  It seems so important now when I never knew it would be.  I watch the couple short videos of him over and over and over on repeat.  I even watch the videos he took of me because I can hear him breathing or clearing his throat occasionally during them.   

[KayC]

Videos weren't so common when George was alive.  I have one but my VCR doesn't work so can't watch it, still I have it.  I live out in the sticks where there is nowhere that takes care of such things.  But I remember him in my mind's eye, I can almost smell his skin, remember how it felt when he held me, but it's becoming more faint...my life now is so far removed from the life it was then, I wonder if I even know that girl....now I'm an old woman.  But oh God I love that man!