Grieving and i feel extremely guilty.

[Claudine1982]

Our cat died last May and it really hits me hard.  A little backstory.

 

We've had 2 cats and one is still alive. We've had them since they were 8 weeks old.

Boris (the one who passed away), always had a unhealthy relationship with food. He became overweight and got diagnosed with diabetes. 

My boyfriend and me took care of him. We switched the cats their food to specialized food. We measured their food and fed them separately from each other twice a day. We took him every week to the vet to see if he was losing weight and to see how he was doing with the insulin. Eventually he recovered from diabetes. The vet said it would be ok to stop with the insulin, but we had to check his blood sugar once in a while. So we did. 

After some years we've noticed that Boris was not his self. We took him to the vet and he got diagnosed with diabetes again. We did all the things above listed again. After some time , again, he recovered from diabetes. 

 

Fast forward to last year. We've had a lot on our minds. Moved twice in 3 months time was one of them. At that time, and i deeply regret, i was not that strict anymore about Boris his care. I didn't measured his food, i gave the amount i thought was right. When he scratched the door for food i gave him more food or candy because i was afraid he would wake my 1 year old son up. He was en still is a very troubled sleeper, so when he slept  i was glad he finally slept. Also he was showing classical diabetes symptoms. Because i shared the litter box with his brother, there were no alarmbellen in my head when i saw loads of pee in the box. My boyfriend often cleaned the litter box.  He lost weight en drank much. And really, i saw that and no alarmbells went off. I really don't know how that happened.... I guess i had such a busy life with kids and work that it just didn't came through to me.... 

One day i saw Boris just lying. He was not eating. I knew there was something wrong. I called the vet and a few hours later we were there. He was in a DKA and they kept him for 5 days. At the 5th day it was clear he wasn',t going to make it. 

 

Still feel loads of guilt and i cry all the time. How could i be so ignorant? I wish i could turn back time and i really hope i have the chance i can make up with him. I've failed him.... 

I really want to talk about it with someone. Who it be weird to talk with a vet who have seen him years ago? She was so nice and helped us a lot at the time. 

 

 

[KayC]

I am very sorry for your loss of your Boris.  Of course it'd be okay to talk to a vet you used to see!

When we are in the midst of something, we don't see what we don't see.  Please don't beat yourself up for it, it does no good.  A lot of people go through this in early grief.

I want to leave you with this article as you have another pet who is undoubtedly grieving...often we don't see it because of our own grief. 
Grieving Pet

You can rest assured your kitty is at peace now...

The what ifs blame game happens to most of us going through early grief, it did me when my husband died 17 years ago...it's not that we are guilty of anything but loving them, and the truth is feelings are not facts, but it's that we can't wrap our heads around what happened, and our mind is trying to find some different possible outcome so it searches all the what ifs...

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
Breaking the Power of Guilt
A Dangerous Villain: Guilt
http://www.pet-loss.net/guilt.shtml
http://www.griefhealing.com/article-loss-and-the-burden-of-guilt.htm
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2019/08/pet-loss-when-guilt-overshadows-grief.html
https://www.griefhealingblog.com/2017/07/pet-loss-when-guilt-goes-unresolved.html

I hope this short video brings you some comfort and peace.

o