Struggling newbie

[whatami]

Ok i'm new to this. I've read some of your stories/post and feel like my grief is nothing compared to what most of you are going through. But i just feel so hopeless right now and struggling majorly so thought i'd do a post for a little help. I met a lovely guy at the end of July this year. The first night we met he asked for my number. He started texting me everyday and phoning. We dated for a month and then were boyfriend and girlfriend for approx 6 weeks. He had plans for the two of us next summer, he told me i was special, he begged me to meet his family. But then out of the blue about 7 weeks ago he came round and we broke up, he wouldnt give me a reason. I let him leave, i wasn't nasty but just a little angry. I was so stubborn and so decided not to text or phone him. Just over a week after the split, he was killed instantly in a car crash. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I know i didn't know him for long but i was his girlfriend. I struggled with the breakup now its hit me i'm having to deal with his death now. What i'm finding hardest is the last time i saw him was when we broke up and there is nothing i can do about it. Its killing me that that is my last memory of him and i can't change it!! And then i spoke to one of his best friends and she had said that after we split he had told her that he didnt feel relieved like he thought he should have, he really didnt want to hurt me, he wasnt sure that he'd ever find someone as nice and kind as me (his words!) and he said 'i think i might have made a mistake'. She told him to wait two weeks and then if he felt the same to contact me, maybe i would take him back. That two weeks would have been 4 days after the accident. I can't cope with the what ifs. I know eventually i will get over it all and hopefully meet someone else but need a little help for how to deal with it just now. Any input would be appreciated xxx

[ModKonnie]

Ok i'm new to this. I've read some of your stories/post and feel like my grief is nothing compared to what most of you are going through. But i just feel so hopeless right now and struggling majorly so thought i'd do a post for a little help. I met a lovely guy at the end of July this year. The first night we met he asked for my number. He started texting me everyday and phoning. We dated for a month and then were boyfriend and girlfriend for approx 6 weeks. He had plans for the two of us next summer, he told me i was special, he begged me to meet his family. But then out of the blue about 7 weeks ago he came round and we broke up, he wouldnt give me a reason. I let him leave, i wasn't nasty but just a little angry. I was so stubborn and so decided not to text or phone him. Just over a week after the split, he was killed instantly in a car crash. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I know i didn't know him for long but i was his girlfriend. I struggled with the breakup now its hit me i'm having to deal with his death now. What i'm finding hardest is the last time i saw him was when we broke up and there is nothing i can do about it. Its killing me that that is my last memory of him and i can't change it!! And then i spoke to one of his best friends and she had said that after we split he had told her that he didnt feel relieved like he thought he should have, he really didnt want to hurt me, he wasnt sure that he'd ever find someone as nice and kind as me (his words!) and he said 'i think i might have made a mistake'. She told him to wait two weeks and then if he felt the same to contact me, maybe i would take him back. That two weeks would have been 4 days after the accident. I can't cope with the what ifs. I know eventually i will get over it all and hopefully meet someone else but need a little help for how to deal with it just now. Any input would be appreciated xxx

Hi Whatami

At some point, you are going to have to make a mental decision to simply "cutoff" the what ifs. They will drive you crazy. You cannot go back and change the past no matter how much you try, and dwelling on the "what ifs" just simply won't let you move forward. You need to write a letter to your boyfriend, telling him everything you are thinking of right now, and then seal it up and let it all go. I know that's easier said than done, but in this case, it may help you.

Go ahead and cry your head off. My brother was killed in a car wreck years ago. He had just met this wonderful girl, and he was going to surprise her with an engagement ring on Christmas day. He died two days before. She was utterly devasted. My mom gave her the ring, but she gave it back to my mom to keep because she felt my mother needed it more. The girlfriend took my brother's passing very hard, but she eventually moved on. To this day, my mother and her keep in touch, even though she is married with children and grandchildren. While she kept a place in her heart for my brother, she knew there was no turning back the clock and wishing things were different.

So, remember your boyfriend, cry your heart silly, and keep inching forward. What do you parents say about all of this? What about any brothers or sisters that you have? We can be here for you.

ModKonnie

[sensitiveone]

Ok i'm new to this. I've read some of your stories/post and feel like my grief is nothing compared to what most of you are going through. But i just feel so hopeless right now and struggling majorly so thought i'd do a post for a little help. I met a lovely guy at the end of July this year. The first night we met he asked for my number. He started texting me everyday and phoning. We dated for a month and then were boyfriend and girlfriend for approx 6 weeks. He had plans for the two of us next summer, he told me i was special, he begged me to meet his family. But then out of the blue about 7 weeks ago he came round and we broke up, he wouldnt give me a reason. I let him leave, i wasn't nasty but just a little angry. I was so stubborn and so decided not to text or phone him. Just over a week after the split, he was killed instantly in a car crash. I'm absolutely heartbroken. I know i didn't know him for long but i was his girlfriend. I struggled with the breakup now its hit me i'm having to deal with his death now. What i'm finding hardest is the last time i saw him was when we broke up and there is nothing i can do about it. Its killing me that that is my last memory of him and i can't change it!! And then i spoke to one of his best friends and she had said that after we split he had told her that he didnt feel relieved like he thought he should have, he really didnt want to hurt me, he wasnt sure that he'd ever find someone as nice and kind as me (his words!) and he said 'i think i might have made a mistake'. She told him to wait two weeks and then if he felt the same to contact me, maybe i would take him back. That two weeks would have been 4 days after the accident. I can't cope with the what ifs. I know eventually i will get over it all and hopefully meet someone else but need a little help for how to deal with it just now. Any input would be appreciated xxx

Oh goodness, what a sad story, I hurt for you and feel so sorry about your loss.There really are no words that can truly bring comfort that any of us mere mortals can say. But dear one there are words found in the oldest book around, a book written by the one who knows all about death. He is the only one that can truly comfort us and answer all of our questions. Most do not realize that God's word answers questions about what happens when we die, where are the dead, will I ever see my loved one again? If an individual goes to heaven, what will they do when they get there? If they aren't chosen to go to heaven, is there any other hope for them? Would you like to know the answers to those questions and any others that you may have, questions that you would ask God if you could sit down and talk to Him personally? I can show you where the answers are and you can see them in your own Bible. Here is my e-mail address carolmueller@live.com, I will be talking to God about you and asking Him to comfort you!