My Little Princess Amelia

[Cheeto]

Hello everyone. I am a grieving single father who lost his only child. On October 21, 2011, my 6 year old daughter Amelia and 2 of her friends were crossing the street in a crosswalk to go home from the park by where they live with their teenaged sisters (half-sister in Amelia's case) when they were hit by a 78 year old woman in a car. Of the 3 girls, one was discharged 2 days after the accident and the other girl is still in the hospital. Unfortunately, Amelia succumbed to her injuries and passed away 3 days later at 1:48 P.M. on October 24, 2011. In the 40 days since she has passed away, I have been having a very hard time with it all in so many ways. I don't think it has completely hit me yet, and much of this seems so very surreal. I haven't shown a whole lot of emotion since her funeral and even then, I didn't have the sort of emotional breakdown that I expected to have. The last time I had a really good cry was the day she passed away and I can't help but wonder if there might be something wrong with me. I miss her so much and would give almost anything just to get one more hug from her or to hear her tell me she loves me one more time. The last time I had seen her was in September (I live in California, her mom in Las Vegas and we were never married) and the last time I had talked to her on the phone was about 2 hours before the accident. I feel so much guilt for not being there when it happened and I don't know that I will ever not feel guilty for not being able to do something to protect or save her. I never thought I would ever live through something like this, and now that it's happening, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm so lost without her and I feel so helpless. Amelia was my saving grace and I don't know how to go on without her. She was my little princess and I feel like I have no purpose in life anymore. I guess I need someone to talk to that understands what I feel, because as tragic as this has been for me and my family, I feel like they can't understand the pain I feel even though they share a lot of that same pain. Am I completely losing it? Am I selfish? Please help me because I don't know where else to turn and I know a therapist surely can't help me.

[rose20]

Hello everyone. I am a grieving single father who lost his only child. On October 21, 2011, my 6 year old daughter Amelia and 2 of her friends were crossing the street in a crosswalk to go home from the park by where they live with their teenaged sisters (half-sister in Amelia's case) when they were hit by a 78 year old woman in a car. Of the 3 girls, one was discharged 2 days after the accident and the other girl is still in the hospital. Unfortunately, Amelia succumbed to her injuries and passed away 3 days later at 1:48 P.M. on October 24, 2011. In the 40 days since she has passed away, I have been having a very hard time with it all in so many ways. I don't think it has completely hit me yet, and much of this seems so very surreal. I haven't shown a whole lot of emotion since her funeral and even then, I didn't have the sort of emotional breakdown that I expected to have. The last time I had a really good cry was the day she passed away and I can't help but wonder if there might be something wrong with me. I miss her so much and would give almost anything just to get one more hug from her or to hear her tell me she loves me one more time. The last time I had seen her was in September (I live in California, her mom in Las Vegas and we were never married) and the last time I had talked to her on the phone was about 2 hours before the accident. I feel so much guilt for not being there when it happened and I don't know that I will ever not feel guilty for not being able to do something to protect or save her. I never thought I would ever live through something like this, and now that it's happening, I don't know what to do with myself. I'm so lost without her and I feel so helpless. Amelia was my saving grace and I don't know how to go on without her. She was my little princess and I feel like I have no purpose in life anymore. I guess I need someone to talk to that understands what I feel, because as tragic as this has been for me and my family, I feel like they can't understand the pain I feel even though they share a lot of that same pain. Am I completely losing it? Am I selfish? Please help me because I don't know where else to turn and I know a therapist surely can't help me.

I am so very sorry for the loss of your little princess. Please don't think that you are "losing it" even though you may feel like that right now. You are grieving, you are grieving one of the most worse losses of all, a child. Losing a child brings all kinds of emotions, it is like a roller coaster of mixed emotions. Sadness, numbness, anger, guilt, the list goes on. You just lost your baby girl so recently so don't be down on yourself.

I think most parents that lose a child feel some degree of guilt because parents are the ones who are suppose to protect and make things all better for our children, but we are not God, there are some things that are just out of our hands.

I am new to this site so I do not know many on here but I do hope there are some fathers on here that can share with you and reach out to you.

God is the one that helped me and He can help you.

I was put on medications and advised to seek professional help but I knew, as for me, that no professional help out there could be good enough. NOTHING on this earth could give me back my son!! So I refused to take the meds, my personal choice. I knew in my heart something bigger than what doctors had to offer had to help me, and I knew in my heart that was God.

I had an old church hymnal of songs that I began to read the lyrics to the songs, and eventually after some time I could pick up my Bible and read some verses. Only God helped me to get up off the floor of my bedroom so many times, He helped me be able to face another day.

Living one day at a time.

Please don't be hard on yourself, just know you are in grief, and it seems impossible now but you will make it. Somehow you learn how to live in this 'new normal.'

For now let yourself grieve. There are no time limits on grief so don't compare yourself to anyone else. It takes time. Each person is different.

I will be praying for you, and the child's mother.

Life is not all sunshine nor is it all rain;

It is not all joy, nor yet all pain.

Both sunshine and shadow will cross your way,

But things will go better if you take time to pray.

God will make all things work together for good,

If we love and trust Him the way that we should.

When it seems that your heart is breaking in two,

If you draw nigh to God, He will draw nigh to you.

Many heartaches and trials we can't understand,

But all of our ways are in God's Hand.

If you wait upon Him, your strength He'll renew,

And on wings like an eagle, He'll carry you through.

"Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted."

[westleysmom]

Amelia's Dad-I am so sorry for your loss and you feelings of guilt and the pain that the death of our children causes us. My son Westley was almost 21 last January and he died in his sleep at a friend's house. He still lived at home and I talked ot him that night before and he said he would be home in an hour. So we went to sleep thinking he'd be home when we woke up in the morning, but we got a call that he couldn't be wakened. The EMS people said he had been gone a while before his friend had tried to wake him. It still doesn't sound real after almost 2 years, more like a Lifetime movie plot, not something that really happened to me. Try to not be so hard on yourself, I know its hard, I still struggle with it, but it doesn't do any good to blame ourselves for things that happened that we couldn't control. Sorry to sound preachy, I'm saying this to myself as much as anything. Loss of Adult Child thread is more active and where I usually post. You will be welcomed there if you choose to post there. Lots of parents, some have done therapy, some not. Just talking to others who get it is therapy for me. Sometimes I have to take a break, because the sadness gets me really down when new parents come. Not that I don't want them to come where I have found so much kindness and understanding, just that it means they too have lost their precious children, and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy. It is the pain that keeps on giving, as you are finding out. Hugs to you and wishing you strength for the days, one at a time that we must somehow get through until we see them again. And I believe we will see them again, and they will be beautiful and happy and so glad to see us. Again, I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious Amelia and will hold you in my thoughts as you struggle through these very hard days without her.

[Susie_q512]

Amelia's Dad - It is with great sadness that I reach out to you in hope that you will find some small measure of comfort and reassurance at this very difficult time. I lost my 16 yr old daughter less than 11 weeks ago, so I am also very new on this journey. I can tell you that what you are experiencing is very normal....you are not losing it.....you have a broken heart. All of the emotions and thoughts that you have expressed are real and natural for a parent to have in the face of so great a loss. Most post in the main thread: Loss of An Adult Child. It is more active and you will be received with open arms and hearts. Many mothers post there, but you will also find fathers that may be able to help you as you fumble your way through this darkness.The age of your child does not matter.....we are all embraced there. Praying for you and holding your daughter close my heart. My Shannon loved children.....hope she finds her way to Amelia and gives her a hug from her Daddy.

[517958]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I too lost a little girl almost five months ago. My Charlotte was five and drowned in a swimming pool while I was at work. I felt guilt too for not being there and for letting them go to the pool when I wasn't going to be there. I feel guilt for every decision I've ever made up to this point that put her in that pool on that day. A stupid lady at the pool removed her life jacket and then didn't watch her. I miss her terribly every day and I think about her every single minute of every single day. You are not alone. Unfortunately there are a lot of us out here-more than I would have ever thought- but here we are, members of a club that nobody ever wants to join. I have been seeing a counselor which helps just for her to assure me that what I'm feeling is normal and I'm not going crazy. You can try it a couple of times to see if it works for you. I got four free sessions through my employee assistance program at work. There is also a group called Compassionate Friends for people who have lost children. Compassionatefriends.org. It does help me to be around others that know how I feel and to see others who are further down this awful path who have survived it.

[Cheeto]

Thank you all for your replies. I don't know what else I can say besides that. Char'sMom, you are right. We are all part of a club that none of us ever wanted to join, but here we are. I am trying to work through so many different feelings and I don't know quite how to get through it, but I know I am doing what I can one day at a time. I will be reaching out to support groups in my area very soon. I'm still not sure how I'm going to go about doing it. I have heard of Compassionate Friends and am thinking about going through them. I wanted to try online first because I just don't know that I'm ready to be around people that have suffered the same loss as I have yet. I hope that doesn't sound weird or selfish. I'm really not around a lot of people right now in general just because I'm just not ready to be back in the world yet. I will try the Adult Child forum as well, and thank you all for your advice and condolences. I hope to talk to you all again soon.

[517958]

1322972752' post='81302']

Thank you all for your replies. I don't know what else I can say besides that. Char'sMom, you are right. We are all part of a club that none of us ever wanted to join, but here we are. I am trying to work through so many different feelings and I don't know quite how to get through it, but I know I am doing what I can one day at a time. I will be reaching out to support groups in my area very soon. I'm still not sure how I'm going to go about doing it. I have heard of Compassionate Friends and am thinking about going through them. I wanted to try online first because I just don't know that I'm ready to be around people that have suffered the same loss as I have yet. I hope that doesn't sound weird or selfish. I'm really not around a lot of people right now in general just because I'm just not ready to be back in the world yet. I will try the Adult Child forum as well, and thank you all for your advice and condolences. I hope to talk to you all again soon.

Hey, one more thing I wanted to let you know- don't be afraid to seem selfish. You're going through the worst thing that can happen to a parent. If you can't be selfish now when can you be??? Do whatever feels right, selfish or otherwise.