My boy passed yesterday

[headxo]

Hi. I don't know if anyone will read this but I don't know where else to turn. Yesterday my boy rex had to be put down at the age of 17. I have never felt pain like this before. I feel like all the joy has been ripped out of my life and there is no point to living. I'm so embarrassed to tell anyone this as I know they would roll their eyes and say he was just a dog but he was my whole life. I don't like people usually, they don't understand me. I also have never felt unconditional love like I did with my rex. I don't know if it's normal to experience this type of mental torment after losing a pet but I can't focus on anything, I can't stop crying, I don't want to be around any of my family or partner and I just cant cope. I need to know he's ok. But I never will know for sure. I read stories about people having signs from there pets from the other side and dreams and mediums coming through to people to tell them they have made it to the rainbow bridge. I want that to happen to me so badly. I know he's gone but there has to be more than this. 

I'm also so sick of people asking me what is wrong like I'm just going to be fine after my world has been turned upside down. 

Anyways sorry for the long rant. If anyone has any tips on how to grieve my baby or any pet mediums out there that can help me I would be so grateful.

[foreverhis]

21 hours ago, headxo said:

I'm so embarrassed to tell anyone this as I know they would roll their eyes and say he was just a dog but he was my whole life.

Welcome.  I'm so very sorry you have a reason to be here with us.

Unfortunately, what you wrote above is often true--but I promise it is not true here. We all, every member, have lost a special animal companion.  Cats and kittens, dogs and puppies, rabbits, guinea pigs, and birds (and likely others I can't think of just now) have all been loved by the people on this forum.

Rex was not "just a dog" and please, please don't be embarrassed about the way you feel. I've loved all the animals I've had and known throughout my life.  I think all of us here have.  Yet, most of us have had that one pet we connect with and love above all others.  My soul dog was our Keeshond Charlie Bear; my husband's soul cat was our red tabby Persian Penny.  I know the heart shattering pain of the loss you feel now.  It doesn't matter if it's a week or 20 years with them.  The grief is completely encompassing.

I think you'll find that most of us also like our pets more than we like most people.  The unconditional love, the utter contentment, and the joy they give us is like no other.  While we are so lucky to have found them, it makes losing them all the harder. 

21 hours ago, headxo said:

I don't know if it's normal to experience this type of mental torment after losing a pet

It is completely normal, even though it feels like torture. It's crushing and made all the harder by those around us who do not or will not understand. It takes time and lots of it to work our way through this grief.  It's a journey and there's no way around that. 

21 hours ago, headxo said:

I feel like all the joy has been ripped out of my life and there is no point to living.

This too is common, universal even.  There is a point to living, but it will take time for you to see it.  This grief does evolve, shifts and changes, as we learn to carry it with us as part of us and our lives, rather than it being the unbearable weight it is at first.  Don't give up; do keep coming here to read and talk.

21 hours ago, headxo said:

I'm also so sick of people asking me what is wrong like I'm just going to be fine after my world has been turned upside down. 

Yeah, this is the same whether it's a pet or a person.  A year or so after my husband died, when people we didn't know well would ask things like that, I often felt like saying, "What the f-word do you think is wrong with me?  I lost the love of my life.  I will never be over it.  I'll live and I may even find happiness, but I will grieve for him for the rest of my life."  The bottom line is that most people just don't get it and they can't understand it unless they've experienced it.

21 hours ago, headxo said:

Anyways sorry for the long rant.

No need to apologize, not ever. 

I don't know for sure that we had signs from our two most special pets, but I think we did.  For more than a year, any time I was in the kitchen cutting apples or carrots (Charlie's favorites), I could swear I would feel his cool, wet nose on the back of my knee.  He'd do that to say, "I'm here, mom.  I got your back if you drop anything."  And both my husband and I swore we heard our Penny girl's sweet meow and calls sometimes.  Maybe it's wishful thinking, but maybe not.

I do believe that the Rainbow Bridge exists, but I doubt it's the way we envision it.  I do believe that there is so much about this vast, mysterious universe of ours that our human minds cannot understand or comprehend.  And I have faith that there is something beyond this life, this world and that the "something" is wonderful.  Sometimes what kept me going in the first months after my John died was my utter faith that our Charlie and Penny were waiting for him at the Rainbow Bridge to be united in joyous reunion.  Of course, I have no proof of that--how could I, how could anyone?  To use part of a favorite movie quote, to me "faith is not about having the right answers. Faith is a feeling. Faith is a hunch, really.  It's a hunch that there is something bigger connecting it all, connecting us all together."

I can't say what form that faith might take for you, but I hope very much that you find it.

[KayC]

14 hours ago, headxo said:

they would roll their eyes and say he was just a dog but he was my whole life.

No one here will tell you that.  I felt the same when my Arlie died, he was 11 1/2, it was just me, him and 25 1/2 year old Kitty, and Kitty passed 4 1/12 months later.  I'd lost Miss Mocha a few years earlier.

My pup is my world now, he is my first consideration in anything.  I keep going for him.  So I can imagine how hard this is for you.

14 hours ago, headxo said:

I'm also so sick of people asking me what is wrong like I'm just going to be fine after my world has been turned upside down. 

You have to wonder about people.  I am sorry.  I am so sorry you lost Rex.  II know 17 is a long life for a dog, but that is of little consolation...it's more time to become bonded too. 

I totally believe we'll be with them again, that they're happily playing while they await our joining them.  To them time is no more, but the blink of an eye, but to us on this side it can drag even as one day turns into another.

Comfort for Grieving Animal Lovers

 

 

[headxo]

Thank you so much everyone that has replied. I'm so overwhelmed by the love you all have and it makes me feel better that I'm not alone in this. Its only been two days but something that has clicked with me is that this something that will never leave me. It has changed me forever. I think I understand now that it's something that will always be with me but I'm trying to learn how to cope with it and live through it. It will be so hard coming home to this empty, sad house but having that glimmer of hope that some day I will be reunited with my baby will keep me going. Thank you all so much ❤️

[KayC]

If you walked your pet regularly, you might consider borrowing a neighbor's to walk (don't walk a chow, I got severe injuries doing that).  It helped me when my Arlie passed.

[headxo]

Yes I love that idea thanks so much 😊

[AJWCat]

You do get changed forever for sure.

Sadly, I am much more on edge now with a very senior dog and even my cat who is only 7. I know that I am accepting more loss and pain in the future adopting them, but I love them too much and they make life such a joy. 

Still the loss I had five years ago was so shocking and devastating I learned a lot about grief. Healing and finding some type of peace takes a long time. And grief comes in waves. And it's different for everyone. Talking about to people who understand help, too. Hang in there.    

[Kevin Ringstaff]

On 12/9/2022 at 1:23 PM, headxo said:

I'm also so sick of people asking me what is wrong like I'm just going to be fine after my world has been turned upside down. 

 

There's nothing wrong with how you feel. I work with PetCloud and we help 100s of grieving pet parents during the many long and lonely days without our beloved companions by our side. They love us with a deep and unconditional love and our love (and grief) are just as deep in return. It's unfortunate that so many (sometimes well-meaning) friends and family members just want us to immediately feel better and get "back to our old selves" again. We have a right to feel however bad we feel for as long as it takes. Wishing you all the best.

[foreverhis]

On 12/10/2022 at 3:23 PM, KayC said:

If you walked your pet regularly, you might consider borrowing a neighbor's to walk (don't walk a chow, I got severe injuries doing that).  It helped me when my Arlie passed.

I've said it before and it's 100% true:  I don't know how I would have made it through the pandemic (and really, the months before that) if it wasn't for my doggy friend Raleigh.  I was walking her and then spending the afternoon at my house snuggling and playing once a week until 2020.  Then her mom and dad (my neighbors and dear friends) decided stay-at-home and the fear was going to set me back in my grief journey and asked if I'd like her 3-4 afternoons each week.  What a grace and blessing she was and is.  Now that things are little more stable, I have her 2 and sometimes 3 afternoons and early evenings each week.  She cuddles me when I'm down (and when I'm not; she's a snuggler).  She gets me up and playing with her silly antics.  She gets me out of the house for a walk, sometimes short and sometimes longer.  She gives me so much love.  For a couple of years now, I've said she is my second favorite dog of all time with our Charlie Bear always number one.  These days, it feels to me as if they sit side by side in my heart, helping to keep it beating and caring about going on without my John.

I'm not up to a dog full time at this point, but I wouldn't trade my time with the little 12 lb miss for anything.  We don't have to have a pet of our own, though that can be great, to have the benefit of special time with an animal companion.  In fact, a friend of mine and I have started going out to the local county shelter just to spend time in the communal cat and kitten rooms.  Though I am looking for a cat companion, I'm in no rush.  Even if none of the kitties there now are "my" cat, I still get to love, play with, and help socialize them now.  And the shelter is always looking for volunteers to come out for a few hours to help out that way.

I know it's not for everyone, but it's sure helped me.

[KayC]

9 hours ago, Kevin Ringstaff said:

I work with PetCloud and we help 100s of grieving pet parents during the many long and lonely days without our beloved companions by our side.

Thank you for your contribution!

6 hours ago, foreverhis said:

She cuddles me when I'm down (and when I'm not; she's a snuggler).  She gets me up and playing with her silly antics.  She gets me out of the house for a walk

I know she's been a godsend to you and really appreciate this!  Joe (Chow) passed last year, it was really hard, esp.. finding out on FB instead of the parents giving me a chance to say goodbye.  I guess they didn't realize just how much I love him!

[foreverhis]

@KayC He was such a handsome boy. It’s so upsetting that they didn’t think to let you say goodbye. Just because you couldn’t walk him anymore doesn’t mean you didn’t still love him.💔❤️

[KayC]

Absolutely, it broke my heart every day I'd have to walk by there and see him at the gate, looking so longingly and sad.  I know he didn't understand why I couldn't come get him anymore.  Seriously, it breaks my heart even now to think about.  My beloved Joe, it was 12/30/2021 he died.  His mom had even offered him to me.  He got along great with Kitty but attacked Kodie so I couldn't bring him into my home anymore after I got Kodie.