Loss of my Dad..Mom moved in with us.. Navigating this new “normal”

[MBird2010]

New Here. There has to be someone out there going or have gone through something similar. Dad passed almost 3 years ago now completely unexpected in my parents home in front of my mom. Mom could not live there anymore cause of that trauma. She moved in with my husband and i in a addition we have on our home so not in the same living quarters. The past few years have been not just difficult with my dad passing but navigating the relationship with my mom now. Before my dad passed i was closer to him then her, i always talked and confided in her but to a point.. but i could confide in my dad 100% of things. I feel also that now i’m not just dealing with my own grief of my father but my moms grief of her husband. I feel that her emotions and grief affect me more then my own, maybe it just is so much sadness from her that it feels that way. I miss my dad more than anything in this whole world but i feel like i have to hold back my emotions at times to not upset her even more then she already is.. does this make sense?? I have always tried to be a positive forward thinking person, and my dad was the same way. He would not want me to just be in sadness all the time, he would want us to keep moving forward with our lives. Problem is my mom says how stuck she feels and that she doesn’t see any future anymore since he was her everything. My mom relied on him for almost everything and they were married for 50 years. I can understand how she can feel the way she does after being so used to the way things are for 50 years and in a moment everything gets flipped upside down. She apologizes for always having to lay all her emotions on. me, but she says i’m the only one around. The rest of our family is out of state and we don’t see them much. So it just being me i am the only one that can be here for her, she is very adamant on not speaking with therapist cause she does not want to tell a stranger her feeling and thoughts. But i don’t know how i am supposed to keep moving fforward when she can’t seem to. Also her emotional grief has made her physically have some issues with pain and not feeling well a lot. i know that goes hand in hand. 

[Alanamac1402]

On 12/7/2022 at 8:36 PM, MBird2010 said:

New Here. There has to be someone out there going or have gone through something similar. Dad passed almost 3 years ago now completely unexpected in my parents home in front of my mom. Mom could not live there anymore cause of that trauma. She moved in with my husband and i in a addition we have on our home so not in the same living quarters. The past few years have been not just difficult with my dad passing but navigating the relationship with my mom now. Before my dad passed i was closer to him then her, i always talked and confided in her but to a point.. but i could confide in my dad 100% of things. I feel also that now i’m not just dealing with my own grief of my father but my moms grief of her husband. I feel that her emotions and grief affect me more then my own, maybe it just is so much sadness from her that it feels that way. I miss my dad more than anything in this whole world but i feel like i have to hold back my emotions at times to not upset her even more then she already is.. does this make sense?? I have always tried to be a positive forward thinking person, and my dad was the same way. He would not want me to just be in sadness all the time, he would want us to keep moving forward with our lives. Problem is my mom says how stuck she feels and that she doesn’t see any future anymore since he was her everything. My mom relied on him for almost everything and they were married for 50 years. I can understand how she can feel the way she does after being so used to the way things are for 50 years and in a moment everything gets flipped upside down. She apologizes for always having to lay all her emotions on. me, but she says i’m the only one around. The rest of our family is out of state and we don’t see them much. So it just being me i am the only one that can be here for her, she is very adamant on not speaking with therapist cause she does not want to tell a stranger her feeling and thoughts. But i don’t know how i am supposed to keep moving fforward when she can’t seem to. Also her emotional grief has made her physically have some issues with pain and not feeling well a lot. i know that goes hand in hand. 

Hey I am going through the exact same, my dad passed suddenly only this Monday and I’m trying to find people in similiar situations to talk to, please email me alana_mc@hotmail.com and maybe we can have a good chat, sorry I’m new to these forums so have no clue how they work. Take care x