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My Dad died 4 weeks ago. I'm 31 living in another country.


littlemissel

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My dad 4 weeks ago. Very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 62 and in seemingly good health. I'm 31 and originally from the UK, but now live in New York, my family is still in the UK. I've been here for 3 years and living in New York has been a dream of mine for years. I'm very lucky to be part of a very close loving family, one older sister, and we love each other so much. They always supported my move and said live your dream. But now I'm here and I don't know what I'm doing. I went back for the funeral and again I'm lucky to work for a company that gave me time off immediately and are extremely supportive. But I've been back for 2 weeks now and I don't know how I feel. My mum met dad when she was 13 and in September I went to their 40th wedding anniversary. They had the quintessential English marriage and it was beautiful and inspiring. My sister is married to a wonderful man and has 2 amazing young daughters. I guess I'm the typical young single New York girl with the career. I feel so guilty. Some days I feel fine. Fine! How can I feel fine? Didn't I love my dad? I know I did but it feels like I did the smallest bit of grieving and that's it. Most of the time I just feel numb but I don't even know if I feel sad and that's horrible. My dad was the greatest man in my life but I can't even cry for him and instead I just carry on with my everyday life. What kind of person does that make me? Shouldn't I be thinking about moving home instead of stressing over the job I have and how I'm going to get all my work done. Work I don't even really care about anymore. And I'm lonely. I feel so alone. I have great friends here but essentially I'm alone - I wake up every morning alone and I feel sorry for myself.....yet my Mum is waking up after being married for 40 years, knowing the only man she ever loved for 48 years and I'm feeling sorry for myself?!? And she worries about me! Why don't I feel anything more than I do? I was raised to be strong and independent, and believe in myself and love my family but I surely I should feel more than nothing.

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Guest DarkHeart

My dad 4 weeks ago. Very suddenly and unexpectedly. He was 62 and in seemingly good health. I'm 31 and originally from the UK, but now live in New York, my family is still in the UK. I've been here for 3 years and living in New York has been a dream of mine for years. I'm very lucky to be part of a very close loving family, one older sister, and we love each other so much. They always supported my move and said live your dream. But now I'm here and I don't know what I'm doing. I went back for the funeral and again I'm lucky to work for a company that gave me time off immediately and are extremely supportive. But I've been back for 2 weeks now and I don't know how I feel. My mum met dad when she was 13 and in September I went to their 40th wedding anniversary. They had the quintessential English marriage and it was beautiful and inspiring. My sister is married to a wonderful man and has 2 amazing young daughters. I guess I'm the typical young single New York girl with the career. I feel so guilty. Some days I feel fine. Fine! How can I feel fine? Didn't I love my dad? I know I did but it feels like I did the smallest bit of grieving and that's it. Most of the time I just feel numb but I don't even know if I feel sad and that's horrible. My dad was the greatest man in my life but I can't even cry for him and instead I just carry on with my everyday life. What kind of person does that make me? Shouldn't I be thinking about moving home instead of stressing over the job I have and how I'm going to get all my work done. Work I don't even really care about anymore. And I'm lonely. I feel so alone. I have great friends here but essentially I'm alone - I wake up every morning alone and I feel sorry for myself.....yet my Mum is waking up after being married for 40 years, knowing the only man she ever loved for 48 years and I'm feeling sorry for myself?!? And she worries about me! Why don't I feel anything more than I do? I was raised to be strong and independent, and believe in myself and love my family but I surely I should feel more than nothing.

Hi littlemissel, I'm so sorry for your loss; I can totallly relate to the strange & disturbing feelings *and non-feelings* you must be dealing with as I lived in the UK for 10 yrs with my family living in NJ. I'm back in the states now but in Florida, still 1100 miles from my family, and my mom died last year on Black Friday. I visited her about 2 weeks before but could not get back to NJ when she died. The feelings you are having are not unusual; everyone grieves differently, and you are certainly not alone in this forum. I don't think you're feeling sorry for yourself ~ you're allowed to be sad, to be angry, to feel lost. It's part of the journey though grief. I got this URL from another member here at grieving.com http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm ~ it explains a bit about the process of grieving and other information that I, for one, found useful. I hope you will, too. In the meantime, hang in there and don't feel alone, because you are not. Please don't forget that. Take care.

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