I lost my sweet Cherry Lynn to heroin on 10/14/2011.

[RonnieAlt]

My gorgeous daughter Cherry Lynn was a compassionate, generous person who lived every moment to it's fullest. She had empathy for everyone especially children, because she was so hurt as a child by an abusive step-father. When she would talk to children, she would get down on one knee to communicate with them on their level. She listened intently to them and really connected with them no matter what else was going on in the room. She loved her baby brother, James so much, he was 14 years younger than her, and she cared for him all the time. We used to joke around with her because she would go to school with baby spit-up on her shoulder more times than not, from feeding him and burping him in the mornings before school.

Everyone that met Cherry loved her and she kept ALL her friends, ALL her life. She never was petty or held a grudge, even with her abusive step-father who called her out of the blue after not speaking to her for 10 years. I remember she called me and left me a voice-mail (the last one I have from her) saying "Hi mom, this is Cherry, I have something I want to talk to you about so give me a call when you can. I love you. Bye". I called her and she told me that George had called her. I told her I would call and get her cell phone number changed so he wouldn't have her number. She said, "that's OK mom, he sounds lonely and when he called me he was drunk. I feel sorry for him, if he needs someone to talk to it's OK he can call me."

Cherry did not care about material possessions at all, in fact when she was a teenager, she was embarrassed to invite friends over because she thought our house was too big and it was flaunting. She gave everything she ever had away to anyone who needed it. I remember one time she was staying with a friend of hers whose wife had left him and their 4 kids. He was struggling, so Cherry moved in to help out. I took her shopping to buy her some socks, underwear and a few outfits at Wal-mart. Cherry hated shopping because she suffered from PTSD, but she agreed to go and picked out some things. I then drove her back to her friend's place and she threw the Wal-mart bags on the couch and told the two young girls that they could pick anything they wanted from the bag. Their little faces lit up as they selected the items they wanted. They left to go try on their new clothes and Cherry leaned over to me and said, " I hope you don't mind Ma, the girls start school tomorrow and they have no new clothes to wear." Cherry would give you her last cigarette, her last beer, the shirt off her back, her last dollar or anything else you needed. One time while we were out boating on our family boat, my step-son was cold and shivering, Cherry stood up and said, "Derek, here take my sweat shirt!" She then went to pull off her sweatshirt forgetting she had taken off her wet bikini top under. Everyone laughed as I immediately covered her with a towel!

I am not sure when Cherry started using drugs or who taught her how to shoot-up. I guess it doesn't matter now. The first time I became aware of it was in 2001 when she was 21 years old, incarcerated, and became dope sick in jail. I helped her get into a rehab halfway house, helped her get her own little studio apartment at an assisted-living, all women's home, and enrolled her in adult learning classes to complete her GED. She was doing great for about a year and then relapsed. Cherry was in and out of ERs with overdoses, ICUs for endocarditis twice when they told me she would not live, and in and out of jail over the next 10 years, and 9 days before her death she was released from another 3 week stay in jail, and was wanted in another state for a 6 month incarceration. Cherry had long periods of sobriety between incarcerations and relapses. She struggled to stay clean and during her long periods of sobriety, sometimes a year at a time, I would go to NA and AA meetings with her. She was clean and sober for most of 2010 and into the beginning of 2011. During this long period of sobriety, Cherry was able to travel to a huge family reunion in Texas in August 2010 and visit for 2 weeks with everyone. It was a wonderful time for her 3 sisters and brother to get to see her straight and have fun hanging out again. Cherry was engaged and planning to get married. I went to visit her and her new fiance' for Thanksgiving 2010 and she told me, "Ma, this is the first time I am proud to have you come over my house, see where I live and make you a nice dinner." Cherry and her fiance' served shrimp cocktail, cheese and crackers, olives and pickles, an entire turkey dinner, and homemade pumpkin cheesecake for desert. I remember telling my new husband that I was afraid to get to excited about the hope of a new beginning for Cherry, for marriage and maybe grandchildren! I didn't want to get my hopes too high, to end up where I always ended up, shattered.

In January of 2011, Cherry and her fiance' had a huge fight and she ended up in jail again. He threw her out of their apartment and broke up with her. She called me from jail crying and told me she was devastated and didn't want to live anymore. She said life was too hard and she always loses everything she ever gets. My heart was broken too, I had hoped this was it and that she would finally stay clean and make it. I knew she was going to use again as soon as she could get out of jail. She had written so many letters to me from jail over the years that I knew this kind of devastating blow would require her to self-medicate. In her letters she had told me that she decided a long time ago after being hurt so bad by her step-father that she would never care about anyone, or anything again, not even herself, that way no one could hurt her again. She admitted in those letters that she turned to drugs to self-medicate the pain away. While in jail, Cherry would attend church, prayer meetings, AA, she always became a trustee, and she completed her GED.

Cherry was in and out of jail several times in 2011, each time she was released she would use heroin again. In between using heroin she would take suboxen to kick for a while, and then drink way to much beer and smoke pot.

On October 5, 2011 Cherry was released from a 3 week stay in jail. The day she was released, she used heroin with her cousin and her heart stopped. He pulled over to the side of the highway and performed CPR on her until 2 nurses pulled up in a car and continued to perform CPR. The ambulance arrived and transported her to the hospital where they were able to bring her back. I was able to talk to Cherry and tell her how much I love her and how if she died I would not want to be here anymore without her. Cherry said, "Ma, I'm still here, I'm fine, I love you, I'm not going anywhere. I was tempted and was weak and didn't expect that outcome." I was praying and fasting for Cherry every day. I was texting her and calling her to encourage her to be strong. I bought plane tickets and told her I would be there to see her on November 12, 2011. We planned to celebrate Thanksgiving together (her favorite holiday). Cherry died 2 more times and was resuscitated in the 9 days just before her death on October 14, 2011, she swore her friends to secrecy and I found out about those incidents after her death. We didn't get to have our Thanksgiving together. I did get to say everything I wanted to say to her, I did get to tell her how much I love her and how much God loves her.

Over 1,000 people came to her wake. People she went to summer camp with, people she went to elementary school with, people she met skiing, friends from every stage of her life. I told you she kept ALL her friends, ALL her life. Cherry's abusive step-father was there, her biological father was there who I hadn't seen in 28 years, whom she never met after he went to Walpole prison for raping her older sister as a small girl. He ended up apologizing to me and to Cherry's older sister for what he had done 28 years ago and asked for forgiveness. We will never all be friends again or anything, but it meant a lot to my oldest daughter. Even the guy who Cherry was using heroin with when she died came by (of course he was run off by her friends that knew he was there). That is how Cherry was, she opened her heart to everyone, did not hold a grudge, forgave people who hurt her, and brought reconciliation to broken relationships. She was a peacemaker. She was a wonderful person, I wish more people were like her, but with that sensitivity comes hurt and pain that she could not bear without self-medicating. I miss my precious daughter and grieve for the lost hope and dreams of her future life of happiness here, my lost grandchildren, my loss of a great confidant and best friend.

I love you Cherry, rest in peace, I will see you again. Love, Ma

[hotrod]

Dear Bonnie

Thank you for sharing your beautiful amazing daughter, Cherry Lynn with us. She certainly was a loving compassionate, caring young lady and I am truly sorry for your terrible loss,

I can understand the pain of dealing with a child suffering with the disease of addiction My only child, Stephen passed away 4 years ago after only 3 years battle with alcoholism.

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain you are experiencing The picture of Cherry Lynn shows a beautiful young lady full of love and life. I would like to suggest that you go to the Gallery section here and set up an album of your favorite pictures That helped me

In addition most parents post to the Loss of Adult Child section Simply click on that section click on reply and post You will receive a warm welcome

You are not alone

[Susie_q512]

Bonnie - Cherry Lynn was truly a beautiful person. What compassion and love she expressed to all those who came into her life ! That's an incredible legacy to leave behind. Thank you for sharing her with us. I am always so sorry to welcome a new parent to this site, but I am so glad that you found your way here. I am new to this journey...10 weeks ago tomorrow that I lost my 16 yr old daughter in a car accident. I do not know how we keep living with such unbearable pain and sorrow. I question daily how my heart keeps beating? I do not understand why the most beautiful individuals are taken from us..... from this world that could so benefit from their sweet spirits. I have found much love, wisdom, guidance and acceptance in the Loss of Adult Child Forum. I was welcomed with open arms and hearts by the wonderful parents that post there. You will be received there as well. Praying for you and holding Cherry Lynn close to my heart.

Susan - Shannon's Mom

[Chris Mom]

I am new here so I hope I am putting this post in the correct place. I also lost my 28 year old son Christopher to heroin on 10/8/2011 I am so sad I just don't know what else to say right now. I wanted to join here in hopes to get some support and to help others.

Chris' Mom Barbara

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I lost my son Rob to an accidental drug overdose and the pain is just too much to bear I am not looking forward to Xmas, I am not much of a support right now He died on Nov 16th 2 year ago ask myself Why me

me? I try to live one day at a time Two years and the pain in my soul just hurts I am sorry for your loss I You are in my prayers A few months after my sons death he appeared on the ceiling MY daughter and I both saw him He was a great person and lots of fun I believe that it is a sign from God that he is OK The problem is that I am not OK One day you will see your sweet Cherry Lynn again I am crying for you that you have too suffer such a loss May God be with you and hold you close

LOveRobs MOm

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I am new here so I hope I am putting this post in the correct place. I also lost my 28 year old son Christopher to heroin on 10/8/2011 I am so sad I just don't know what else to say right now. I wanted to join here in hopes to get some support and to help others.

Chris' Mom Barbara

[Tweetymm125@aol.com]

I am new here so I hope I am putting this post in the correct place. I also lost my 28 year old son Christopher to heroin on 10/8/2011 I am so sad I just don't know what else to say right now. I wanted to join here in hopes to get some support and to help others.

Chris' Mom Barbara

I am so sorry for your loss I lost my son to an accidental drug overdose Nov 16 2009 He lives forever in my heart I am so sorry for your loss I know you are so sad We all support each other here My son always told me that he would never want anyone to be sad and cry if he ever died I used to joke and say of course I will be sad Your son wouldn,t want that either but thats easier sad than done i did save a patientst son who did drugs I work in a big Cardiology group and a woman came in The son was the patient He went to the Bathroom and she said that her son is on drugs She did not know whAT TO DO . After they started leaving I chased her down and said do whatever it takes I said I lost my son 2 months ago " and I started to cry A year later two people came in The son said Do you remember me? I said no He said if it wasn't for you I would not be here for sure I would be dead I did an EKG on him and I put his name in the machine His name was Robert I started to cry I said that was my sons name and he said it again that me talking to his mom was the reason he is still alive I saved one person Who knows m aybe that is our purpose I am keeping you close to my heart and I am so sorry that you have to be a part of this journey God Bless you My heart hurts for you

Sending Love and prayers your way Your son will live in your heart for always

Marty Robs MOM

[RonnieAlt]

Marty Robs MOM

Thank you for your kind words, I am devastated. I started smoking cigarettes and now I am drinking alcohol. I am not doing good at all. They found the drug dealer that sold my daughter her fatal dose dead of an overdose. It doesn't make me happy. I guess he can't kill anyone else again. I got drunk the other night and started taking pill after pill of muscle relaxers. My husband saw what I was doing and flushed the pills down the toilet. I know I don't really want to die (when I am sober) but I was drunk and it seemed simple, to leave here and be with my daughter again. How stupid of me. I am not doing well. Thanksgiving was so hard, it was Cherry's favorite holiday, we had plans to spend it together and she died before I could fly up to be with her. Christmas just seems like torture to me. I did put up a small fake tree, but can't seem to do anything else. I will not be trying to hurt myself again, I promised my family that much. I don't know how to continue living, but will have to do that one minute at a time.

I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for your sweet words to me , they mean so much.

[RonnieAlt]

Chris' Mom Barbara

I am so sorry someone else has had to go through this same pain and overwhelming sense of failure to help our addicted children. I tried EVERYTHING I could, I had her on my insurance because she was on SSI disability and begged her to get into rehab. She always said she was fine, she could kick it herself and would not go. I don't know what else I could have done, but there must have been something. I am haunted, and feel like a failure. Mom's make everything OK, we fix bobos, we fix tears, we fix everything, and I failed.

Thank you for your kind words.

Ronnie-Cherry-Lynn's Ma

[ada33r]

I'm so very sorry for your loss, everyone. I cannot say from personal experience that I have suffered the great loss you all have endured, but I can try to share some words of encouragement. I only have one babygirl, she's 15 months, and cannot imagine the pain. My heart aches for you (((hugs)))

The death of a child has been described as the ultimate loss, the most devastating death. The book Death and Grief in the Family says: "A child's death is so unexpected. It's out of order, unnatural...Parents expect to look after their children, keep them safe, and raise them to be normal, healthy adults. When a child dies, it's as if the rug has been pulled out from underneath us."

No explanation, however reasonable, will make the pain of your loss simply vanish. Do not hold back the tears, they will help in your grieving. This is a place for sharing your thoughts, feel free to use it and share more about your beloved children.

Kindest Regards,

Ada

[TonyRoberts]

I know there is nothing I can say that can ease the pain. My son Travis who was my only child was 19 when he overdosed on February 3, 2011. His autopsy showed small amounts of Valium, methadone, oxycodone, and marijuana. He was with his friends who noticed him acting strange but did nothing to help. He drove home and sat on his couch, faded off to sleep and never woke up. He had a daughter who was 9 months old and had found out just 2 days before his death that he was going to be a father again. Now I have a grandson who is 3 months old, who is named after him. Others who have not faced this tragedy do not know how those who have lost a child actually feel. I am a counselor in training, just finished my first year of grad school, and have learned many good coping skills, but this is very hard to deal with. I am getting ready to face the first Christmas without my son, I wander how I am going to get through it. I have a great wife who was Trav's step mother, and she tries to do everything she can to help, but sometimes I feel she just does not understand fully. I found this site a couple of moths ago but have not posted much on it. It is refreshing to be able to communicate with people who have suffered the same as I have and know that I am not alone, just as those of you out there in cyber space are not alone, I will be on here more and I hope in some capacity, I will be able to help someone.

I am so sorry for your loss I lost my son to an accidental drug overdose Nov 16 2009 He lives forever in my heart I am so sorry for your loss I know you are so sad We all support each other here My son always told me that he would never want anyone to be sad and cry if he ever died I used to joke and say of course I will be sad Your son wouldn,t want that either but thats easier sad than done i did save a patientst son who did drugs I work in a big Cardiology group and a woman came in The son was the patient He went to the Bathroom and she said that her son is on drugs She did not know whAT TO DO . After they started leaving I chased her down and said do whatever it takes I said I lost my son 2 months ago " and I started to cry A year later two people came in The son said Do you remember me? I said no He said if it wasn't for you I would not be here for sure I would be dead I did an EKG on him and I put his name in the machine His name was Robert I started to cry I said that was my sons name and he said it again that me talking to his mom was the reason he is still alive I saved one person Who knows m aybe that is our purpose I am keeping you close to my heart and I am so sorry that you have to be a part of this journey God Bless you My heart hurts for you

Sending Love and prayers your way Your son will live in your heart for always

Marty Robs MOM

[TonyRoberts]

Barbara, I understand where you are. When you loose a child, you loose your world. My son died in February, and I still have times where I think I can just not take any more. We will never be over loosing our children, we just have to some how find a way to learn to live with the losses. I remember the first thing that went through my mind, "we are not suppose to bury out children", the day he passed away is burned into my mind and I will never forget that day. I think this forum is a great place for those of us who have lost the most precious part of life to come together and communicate with people who truly know how we feel. I hope that I will be able to help others also.

Tony

I am new here so I hope I am putting this post in the correct place. I also lost my 28 year old son Christopher to heroin on 10/8/2011 I am so sad I just don't know what else to say right now. I wanted to join here in hopes to get some support and to help others.

Chris' Mom Barbara

[hpysk8r]

Tony and Barbara: I am new to this community and have read your stories. I too lost my first born son (who was 25 years old) to alcohol. He was trying to quit and developed severe metabolic complications, had a seizure and then the remainder of his organs failed. I had not spent time with him for the 5 years preceeding his death because he was bitter about his dad's and my divorce. I found out after his death that he began drinking in high school. I had taken to him to two counselors, and he continued to drink. I went to a local support group for families of drinking members, to try to find ways to cope with Matt's drinking. His loss and the associated grief has been overwhelming. I went through a divorce, my son's death, having a mother diagnosed with breast cancer, and moving twice all within 6 months. By God's grace I got though all of it but my son's death. My heart and soul weep for him daily. I know I won't ever understand why. There are times when I get very angry at God (like now) because he took my Matty John. I feel like such a different person since Matt's death. My parents think I shoud just get over it and no one wants to talk to me about my son. His siblins talk occassionally about their brother and miss him terrible. I hope to find some solace through this forum. My heart breaks for all of us on this site...for we know the true meaning of loss. Kim

[hpysk8r]

Tony and Barbara: I am new to this community and have read your stories. I too lost my first born son (who was 25 years old) to alcohol. He was trying to quit and developed severe metabolic complications, had a seizure and then the remainder of his organs failed. I had not spent time with him for the 5 years preceeding his death because he was bitter about his dad's and my divorce. I found out after his death that he began drinking in high school. I had taken to him to two counselors, and he continued to drink. I went to a local support group for families of drinking members, to try to find ways to cope with Matt's drinking. His loss and the associated grief has been overwhelming. I went through a divorce, my son's death, having a mother diagnosed with breast cancer, and moving twice all within 6 months. By God's grace I got though all of it but my son's death. My heart and soul weep for him daily. I know I won't ever understand why. There are times when I get very angry at God (like now) because he took my Matty John. I feel like such a different person since Matt's death. My parents think I shoud just get over it and no one wants to talk to me about my son. His siblins talk occassionally about their brother and miss him terrible. I hope to find some solace through this forum. My heart breaks for all of us on this site...for we know the true meaning of loss. Kim