3 hours and counting.....

[William M]

Bad day for me. Just 3 hours from now it will be 1 year since I lost my wife. Hard to believe it's been a full year already since I last heard her voice, or since I called her to chat on the way home from work. What will it feel like after 10 years I wonder? I wish I could say I feel a lot better now, but really its only gotten a little better, At least I don;t cry every day now to and from work, ( I only do it 2 or 3 times a week now! 🙂

I've tried to make a life for myself now, but I;m not sure if it's a new life or just a existence. I mainly just work, continue with my property repairs, , spend time with my wife's adorable little dogs I inherited, and talk to my out of town son occasionally on the phone. Maybe since i was fortunate to get to do the family thing with a wonderful wife and got to raise a son, this new existence should be enough till my time is through?

I think I may have some drinks and zonk out before this terrible hour comes. It was the middle of night a year ago when my life was changed forever....

Sorry to ramble

William

[Ronni_W]

Dear William, for my own self, what you wrote wasn't a "ramble" at all...but, rather, a very succinct expression of what you're going through, experiencing, feeling and dealing with at the moment.

For me, personally. Past Saturday was one of these 'anniversaries' for my self. For myself, I don't even think that the word 'anniversary' is appropriate anymore, because, up until all of this, that word used to mean something positive to me.

For me these days, when I hear myself trying to tell myself a "should be" (or a "should not be"), then I try to remember to first ask myself, "Says who???"

Like you, and everyone else here, I certainly can also say that I did get some "fortunate" stuff with him (and our friends, family and loved ones in the past), in the past. But, in my present. Doesn't, anymore, feel always all so "fortunate" to me in the present. I think that it's okay if we sort it out and sift it out, so that -- or even if -            - what we used to, in the past, think-feel was so great and excellent, isn't, today, all so great and excellent at all, anymore.  My own ramblings. 🙂 ❤️.

[Ronni_W]

4 hours ago, William M said:

Bad day for me. Just 3 hours from now it will be 1 year since I lost my wife.

William, I am so sorry for your loss. How are you doing at the moment? (I can't quite figure-out this site's accounting of time...but, possibly it's around your time from a year ago.)

Love and hugs to you William, and sending all available Cosmic Comfort and Strength.   Ronni

[KayC]

William, I was asleep when you hit your 3 hour mark.  Hoping you're doing okay, usually I find the anticipation is worse that the actual time, I hope that's the case for you.  I know it can draw us back into a dark place, try not to go there.  (((hugs))))

[William M]

Thanks everyone.  I made it past the hour sound asleep after several glasses of Irish creme Liqueur that my son have left on the last visit.   I'm not much of a drinker,  but boy that stuff goes down smooth. Like chocolate milk! One rough day ahead then it will be over.

Later this week I will decorate her site for Christmas.  I just know my family thinks I've gone crazy. I just  had a very large  package arrive for her. Solar powered mini Christmas trees and a massive Poinsettia flower arrangement.  She loved decorating for Xmas and she'll get the works this year at her resting place. The whole cemetery will be lit up!  🙂

 

Here's the flowers I got

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1109548100/red-poinsettia-cemetery-saddle-and-vase?click_key=b36a6fbd31cafc3ce7ed60170d290f055eaab407%3A1109548100&click_sum=5266ef94&ref=hp_opfy-1&frs=1&sts=1

[DWS]

I think the decorations for her site are very apropos for someone who loved holiday decorating. It's you who knows that unique aspect of hers the best and is a very sweet way to honour your wife during the Christmas season. 

As for the passing of time, I'm finding there are weird and interesting ways to look at it. A year can seem long but that's only 52 weeks...so only 52 Saturdays and Sundays which somehow doesn't make it seem as long ago. Tomorrow will be nine months since my partner passed away so I figure that's 36 or 37 weekends without him...but just 37 or 38 Saturdays ago we were together taking walks and making dinner. It's no wonder why it feels like just yesterday.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, William M said:

Later this week I will decorate her site for Christmas. 

I do this in honor of my George, this year is the 18th time...I continue to hang the stocking I made him when we got married...

[steveb1]

You weren’t rambling William. It’s good to come here and put pen to paper so to speak.  

God bless you sir. 

A few glasses of Baileys does sound good:)

[Ronni_W]

On 11/22/2022 at 9:34 AM, William M said:

[...] and she'll get the works this year at her resting place. The whole cemetery will be lit up!  🙂      [;;;]

William, just to let you know -- THANKS!

I'm not ready to write about it in any great detail yet, but I've have this item on my current shopping list:   "??? A Christmas ornament ???"

Went to the store, spent a good 20 or more minutes in the 'Christmas ornaments' section. Took things off the shelf, put it over...walked 12 feet away, looked at it, considered it. Left the store without any Christmas ornament.

I don't have a cemetery plot to light up...it would be just for here in my own living space. I'll go try again, next time I'm out shopping. Maybe a couple of different stores. I'll keep you in mind, and how you're doing it, when I'm next there. And see if I can find, in my own self, a bit of what you've got going on over there, in spades! That is, there is a major part of me that also knows that all of everything about our dearly departed loved one ought to be all lit up, for them, all of the time.   Hhmmm <new thought just now> ... Christmas lights...maybe I'll look at that, instead of an ornament-type thing.

So, just. THANKS for sharing, William. (I wish I could tag more than one -- thanks, hugs, like, angel wings. But, I'm gonna tag 'Thanks', cos that's a major one for me, right now.)   Love and so many hugs, Ronni

[KayC]

12 hours ago, steveb1 said:

A few glasses of Baileys does sound good:)

It does!  I'm not a drinker, but that'd be good in coffee!  Not with driving though.