What to do today

[Kevin O]

I delayed getting out of bed until 10.  Got up, had coffee, read the paper and now it's 11.  Only 11.  I could do some cleaning.  I could go to the supermarket.  Or I can just do nothing and feel sad.  At this moment in time, I really don't feel as if I have any option but feeling sad.  And I'm mostly ok with that.  

[DWS]

I think being okay with feeling sad is what being a good friend to yourself is all about. In tragic times like these, we can't expect more. And then there are those moments where I find cleaning can be therapeutic for me so when that ambition arrives, that's when the broom, soapy water and rags become my friends. 

[KayC]

44 minutes ago, Kevin O said:

I delayed getting out of bed until 10.

I got up at 2!  My day is half over.  I feel for you though, kind of wondering the same thing as I'm laid up with a bad foot.  

DWS is so right, self care is so important, all the more when you don't feel like it.  Have some more coffee! (((hugs)))O

[Sparky1]

My routine is not that much different. Get up around 8 or so, have a shower, shave, etc., and then have breakfast. Take the dog out, clean the house, maybe go to the store to kill some time. Go for a walk, make dinner, watch tv, go to bed around 11. Boring as hell, at least if my wife was still here, I'd be more enthusiastic and we would do things together. It seems like my motivation was sucked out of my life. It's going to be a very long winter, I hope I don't go cuckoo in the meantime. At least in the summer I go up north and relax and get away from the rat race in the city. Five more months until I can go back up.....

 

[Gail 8588]

7 hours ago, DWS said:

. . . . And then there are those moments where I find cleaning can be therapeutic for me . . .

Oh how I wish my grief could be channeled into tidying up activities!  I seem to default to inaction.  

[DWS]

15 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Oh how I wish my grief could be channeled into tidying up activities!  I seem to default to inaction.  

I do some of my best thinking and processing while cleaning. I can end up in tears a lot of times but I do find it's helpful. It might have something to do with the mind and how it interacts with body movement. It's likely similar to the benefits of walking and talking. 

[Carol34]

The title of this thread is what I say almost every day.  My days and my house are quiet most days.  I don't know what to do to fill the time.  I woke up the other day and said, "16 hours until bedtime.  Now what?"

I've always been an early riser, and only wish I could stay in bed until 10...or even 9!  I'm up at 6 or 7 every day.  I make the bed as I get out of  it.  If I walk into the bedroom and the bed is unmade, for a split second I think Paul is still in bed, so it's important that I make it right away..  Then I make a cup of tea, check my emails, and take a shower.  By this time, it's only 8 at the latest.  I write a to-do list, but most of the time I can get everything done in an hour or so.  Tuesdays are my day with my granddaughter, and I really look forward to having something to do those days.  I try to limit errand-running/grocery shopping to 1 or 2 days a week, so I can stretch my tank of gas for a month.  Before he died, I would read books to pass the time.  But I can't read with the TV or radio on, and a totally quiet house gives me more anxiety than I can handle. 

It's been a little over a year now, so everyone I know is back to their lives.  I don't get the "how are you doing" or "just checking in on you" calls or texts anymore.  I guess I should be over it...as far as they're concerned.  Today I answered a couple of spam calls, just to hear a voice.

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, cmp34 said:

I've always been an early riser, and only wish I could stay in bed until 10...or even 9! 

I was in theater and music as an avocation for 30 years.  My John was a musician by avocation as well and we met in the theater.  Both of us had and I still have circadian rhythms set later than "average."  I've always had trouble going to sleep at what most people consider a reasonable hour and have always had trouble getting up at the "crack of dawn" (or that is, "crack of doom" as John always said).  My mother was a believer in early to bed-super early to rise and considered any other very natural pattern to be a moral failing, rather than acknowledging that each person's brain and body are unique.  It made for some less than enjoyable mornings in my youth, especially before I moved out at 21.  How, she wondered, could I possibly be a good girl if I wasn't wide awake at 6 am?  Yeesh.  Considering I was going to college full time, working part time, helping around the house and with my much younger baby sister, and involved in theater and music, I'm surprised I was able to get up in the morning at all!

Since I lost John, it's gotten worse as I've developed insomnia to go along with my skewed sleep-wake cycles.  I can stay in bed until 9 or 10, no problem, but getting to sleep before 1 or 2 or even 3 am is a struggle every night.  It's still so hard to just go upstairs and "go to bed" that I generally turn the TV on low with a gentle/soft show or movie playing.  That helps lull me to sleep on the sofa and then later I go up to bed and can finally get into a real sleep.

Deep grief seems to affect every cell of our bodies.  I sometimes think that many of these changes are permanent or, at least, very long lasting.  It's no surprise that sleep would be among them because it's both neurologically and physically sensitive to stress, depression, etc.

[widower2]

Mixed feelings about this. I don't have the luxury of sleeping in every day or doing/not doing whatever I want because I have to work. But on the plus side it keeps me busy and forces me to keep going. Pros and cons both ways I guess.

[KayC]

11 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I can stay in bed until 9 or 10, no problem, but getting to sleep before 1 or 2 or even 3 am is a struggle every night.

Ha, we're opposite!  I go to bed between 7:30 and 8 pm and wake up between 1 & 3, it's when I wake up at 1 and lay there 1 1/2 hours it's aggravating, it's not enough sleep.

7 hours ago, widower2 said:

I have to work.

I never thought of you as working, assumed you'd be retired!  What do you do?  I used to commute 100 miles/day, do NOT miss that, nor the idiotic boss I had (who owed me three months pay when he suddenly cut my job, took me 13 1/2 months to collect it!).

[widower2]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

Ha, we're opposite!  I go to bed between 7:30 and 8 pm and wake up between 1 & 3, it's when I wake up at 1 and lay there 1 1/2 hours it's aggravating, it's not enough sleep.

I never thought of you as working, assumed you'd be retired!  What do you do?  I used to commute 100 miles/day, do NOT miss that, nor the idiotic boss I had (who owed me three months pay when he suddenly cut my job, took me 13 1/2 months to collect it!).

Hey Kay, I'm in I.T. My commute is about 45 or so mins but again don't have to go in every day that helps.

  

14 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I can stay in bed until 9 or 10, no problem, but getting to sleep before 1 or 2 or even 3 am is a struggle every night.  It's still so hard to just go upstairs and "go to bed" that I generally turn the TV on low with a gentle/soft show or movie playing.  That helps lull me to sleep on the sofa and then later I go up to bed and can finally get into a real sleep.

Deep grief seems to affect every cell of our bodies.  I sometimes think that many of these changes are permanent or, at least, very long lasting.  It's no surprise that sleep would be among them because it's both neurologically and physically sensitive to stress, depression, etc.

Same here. Thank God for working from home now, saves at least a good 90 mins of getting ready and driving there. And yes it wears on you...I'm always tired and I can scarcely even look in a mirror any more, the bags under my eyes make Mel Blanc look good. 

[KayC]

Ahh, glad you don't have to drive in every day.  In winter it sometimes took me hours to go to work...I was never late, not even if I had to start my day at 3, always there by 8.  Not so for the other employees that only had to drive across town on a skiff of snow.

[DMB]

Good topic.  I don't feel as weird with some of things I now do.  It's been 2.5 yrs.  Still working everyday so I am grateful for that. I commute 10 miles per day.  A tank of gas can last me 2 weeks if I'm not running around doing other things.  I am a morning person mostly and with winter approaching I will have more down time at home alone on weekends. I don't read, I don't clean house anywhere remotely close to what I used to. Barely 2 loads of wash per week.  I don't do dishes everyday either, I just don't care.  I guess. I absolutely abhor cleaning the floors, I don't know what that's all about.  I haven't slept in my bed for months. The TV is on 24/7.  I watch a lot of Netflix, Hulu, HGTV, -all the time. I have a little wine most nights (not every) which helps me sleep and stay asleep.   I had a bad reaction to melatonin so I had to stop taking that.  When I don't drink, I still have crazy dreams that are hard to shake off and get myself going the next day.  Lastly, relating to another topic on here, I've kept some of his things and there's plenty of photos of him around.  Freaks me out sometimes, but not enough for me to put them away.  I feel like I can't do that.

On the positive, I did manage to wash some windows and curtains this fall.  I am hosting the football game this coming Sunday afternoon, so I have the incentive to get the basement cleaned up.  Called my son this morning to see if he can help me get propane filled so I can light the fireplace down in the basement which hasn't been used in 2 years!