Worried my grief isn’t normal

[Sacebeans]

My mom was diagnosed with glioblastoma a year ago. We were in the process of coming to terms with her impending death as there is no cure. Her brain scans were amazing and had no sign of tumor a year later but she suffered a major stroke and died from that. I cried buckets while she was passing (5 days) but since her passing 12 days ago I can hardly cry. She was one of my best friends. I went back to work 5 days after she passed. And I keep waiting for the grief to hit me but it’s not. I know it’s there. What is wrong with me?

[Ronni_W]

Hello Sacebeans. Nothing at all is wrong with you. When I found out that my most favourite person in the whole world had died, I did not cry for three months. My very best friend, and sunshine and life partner...no tears for three months.

That was 2 years ago. These days, sometimes it feels like I'm going to cry....but then I don't. And other times, like when I'm checking out at the grocery store, nothing on the outside happens, and I just start crying -- and the poor cashier freaks out and tries to figure what he or she did 'wrong'. Grief is like that. Nothing wrong with us -- everything effed-up with grief and how it works.

My heartfelt thoughts and feelings and sympathies are with you. I am sorry for your mom's passing, and for your loss.  Sending Love and Light and Comfort and Strength.   Ronni

[Traz]

Dear Sacebeans,

I truly feel empathy for you on the loss of your mom. I'm so sorry. How devastating to lose her suddenly, after you had been given some hope in maybe having more time with her.  

I agree with Ronni_W in that there is nothing wrong with you at all. Please don't worry about this. It's very common to feel shock, numbness or even nothing after a great loss.

My grief was delayed because of an uproar in my extended family, but it hit 6 months later. I feel similar to you in that during my mom's hospital days before she died, was when I cried the hardest. I had to come to terms over a weekend, that my mom was leaving my life. All of what that means exactly, kind of hits you at once and it's so difficult to handle.

You are also very early into your journey with grief and you need to have time to process. Maybe see if your work could give you a leave of absence on compassionate grounds or even a few personal days here and there.

Keep reaching out on the site - many of us have similar experiences but we all have loss/grief in common. Perhaps grief counselling could be be an option down the road as well. I found support groups through a social worker at our local hospital.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve - it is a process or journey as a lot of folks call it. 

Sending you strength and courage. Xo 

Traz

[Luminescense]

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss =(

Not everyone processes grief the same way, nor will everyone act the same way after losing someone they know and/or loved. 

There's nothing wrong with you and it's nothing to feel bad or guilty about.